Tomorrow night makes 10 weeks exactly since my first bleed. Thursday will make 10 weeks since I was told I probably had a subchorionic hematoma and that 20% of all pregnant women experience this in their first trimester so I didn't need to worry about it. Saturday will make 10 weeks since we found out that my SCH was much bigger than the average SCH-- putting me in a much higher-risk category for late miscarriage-- and my activities were first restricted.

I have technically been past the point of miscarriage for 1.5 weeks. Within 2.5 weeks the baby will be considered viable by pretty much all medical standards in the US. (Check this out if you're curious about preemie survival statistics.) To write that I have much to be thankful for is an understatement.

Even so, yesterday was a day of mixed feelings and emotions. Of course I was elated to get another good report about how the baby is doing and I'm very glad that the SCH has not gotten worse, but I confess disappointment that the SCH has not resolved much since my last ultrasound. My hopes had been that all the increased risks to the baby would now be in the past and that I might return to my role as homemaker yesterday, and that's not how things played out. And so my afternoon and evening was spent reminding myself of the bigger picture, which really is big.

As of right now, I'm not entirely sure of when this strange sort of "modified bedrest" will end. As long as the SCH persists, I am at high risk of blood loss (bad, in light of my anemia) and a high risk of uterine irritability, to which my constant rounds of contractions attest (they are definitely different than typical early contractions). I'm really not a bit worried about the contractions, since they have so far only been an indication of irritability and have not "fooled" my body into labor, but they do mean that no doctor wants me up and about, at least not for another 3 weeks and most likely not for another 7. (If you take a look at the link above regarding preemie survival statistics, it isn't hard to understand their thinking.)

I would very much like to see the SCH resolved before 28 weeks. At that point, if it remains size-able, Daniel and I will have a somewhat difficult decision to make regarding my level of activity. Statistically speaking, if I've made it that far without pre-term labor, I have a very good chance of going full-term even with the SCH, so doctors will most likely let me resume normal activities. But do we increase the risk of a pre-term baby just so I can clean the house and take a walk again? On the one hand, it hardly seems worth it. On the other hand, if I let statistics dictate my choices, I would never turn my stove on, drive a car, or wear deodorant. I mean, the honest truth is that if I avoided everything that has a remote chance of going wrong, I wouldn't be pregnant in the first place.

(This is the point at which Daniel inserts himself in the conversation and says, "Just stop thinking about it, Brietta. I'll decide if it comes to that." And I'm very, very glad that he would/will. He's a good dad and a wonderful husband.)

So yeah... all that to say not much has changed since yesterday's ultrasound report. We're still at a higher risk for a number of things that I try not to think about too much (like PTL, PROM, and IUGR), and I'm still sitting on the couch, which has a permanent "Brietta-mold" on it. But it's OK. Yes, we continue anxiously believing for complete healing and yet we are simultaneously satisfied in the grace He gives for today.

P.S. Thanks for bearing with me-- I know how pregnancy-focused I have been of late. And thank you to the many who are so interested in me and who ask about the little things (like bedrest).