Bloggers' Block

I'm not a very good blogger lately. Usually, even if I'm not feeling at all inspired, I find myself compelled to make it a priority because I have lots of friends and family who don't live nearby.

It seems, though, that I have Bloggers' Block.

(AKA anemia, but I promise I won't whine about that... right now anyway.)

Anyway, here's a random update::

:: I keep meaning to put up a picture or two of Gabriel marching in our little town's annual Memorial Day parade. He was so cute, especially during the ceremony at the end of the parade as he held his hat over his heart during the national anthem and prayer time. I was so happy to see him participating in something beyond eating a hot dog and playing backyard games, which can too quickly become the entire sum of Memorial Day if we're not careful, I think. Not to say that hot dogs and backyard games aren't okay-- our afternoon definitely involved those things!-- but I guess I want my kids to understand that there's a reason behind the "day off" and long weekend, and that reason is remembering the real men and women who have died real deaths on their behalf.

:: I've been thinking a lot about childbirth lately, thanks to reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. I keep telling myself I should write a few of my thoughts down, but right now they're still such a jumbled, being-sorted-through mess that I'm not sure there's anything worth writing at present.

:: We have out-of-town friends coming to visit for a few days, and we are soooo excited! It's a good thing nobody will be counting the number of words spoken over the weekend, because I'm sure Michelle and I will log quite a few!

:: Aubrey has been eating everything in sight today! Daniel thinks she's going through a growth spurt since she also took a brief morning nap in addition to her regular afternoon nap, but I'd like to think that perhaps we're turning a corner. It sure would be nice! Today she's eaten applesauce, raisins, some of my pear, homemade pizza (you might not think this is huge, but she rejects even the "normal" toddler loves like pizza and hot dogs), 3/4 of a PB&J sandwich (she always likes them, but she usually only eats 1/4 and then plays with the next 1/4 I give her), and all her normal "snacks." And, of course, she's still nursing several times a day.

We turned her car seat forward-facing the other day. The last time she was weighed was in April and she was just under 20lbs. I'm excited because I really do think that at her cardiology appointment next week that we'll find out she's 21lbs at least!

:: Speaking of appointments, Aubrey has her 21-month cardiology appointment in Syracuse on the 4th. Dr. Lyons was also able to schedule me for the level II ultrasound and a perinatal consult at Crouse for that same day. Assuming all goes well with that ultrasound and consult, the only other hurdle to get past this pregnancy is the fetal echocardiogram (ultrasound of the baby's heart) that will need to take place between 22 and 25 weeks.

:: I think tonight is a send-Daniel-out-for-something-yummy-to-eat and then watch-something-on-the-computer-in-bed sort of night for me. I'm tired, despite my very concerted efforts at an iron-rich diet, drinking over 120oz of water daily, and a consistent 30 minutes of exercise, minimum, at least 5x/week (which is like pulling teeth when I'm this exhausted all the time).

Oh wait, I said I wasn't going to whine about this, didn't I?

Growing every day

Me, that is, not the children or the plants (they're growing, it's true, but not as fast as I'm growing).

Last week, I officially Popped (if you've ever been pregnant, you know what I'm talking about); and, overnight, strangers stopped hesitating to ask whether or not I'm pregnant and started asking when I'm due.

And today, in honor of pulling my first pair of maternity pants out of storage, I took my second pregnancy photo. This is Baby and me at about 18-1/2 weeks (you like my wet hair?):

And, um, is it just me, or am I carrying really high this pregnancy??? (Maybe this explains the inordinately early heartburn I started dealing with around 14 weeks?)

Scratching my head

To all registered voters:

The vote on the school budget is being held today from 1pm-8pm at the MW high school.

The change in the consumer price index was 3.8%.  The proposed budget shows an increase of 6.3%.

The total enrollment K-12 is just under 800 students.  With a proposed budget of $13,557,742.00, that means a cost per student of $16,947.00.

I urge you to get out and vote NO on the proposed increase.

Since I would have otherwise completely missed it, I was very glad to receive this email today telling me to get to the local school and vote. I am aghast (and more than a little angry) about such ridiculous spending.

And I wonder, What could I, as my children's teacher, do with almost $17,000 per student this coming school year?

Maybe take Gabriel and Bronwyn on a tour of Europe???

Catch-Up Monday

Two kids are napping, two kids are playing outside, one husband is mowing the lawn, and one tired mama is resting.

We've had a full and fun couple days: I saw CFA's production of Seussical! almost 4 full times (one time through I left early because I was just soooo tired and couldn't make it any longer!), and it was wonderful. Daniel's parents drove up and stayed with us over the weekend, and we also hosted Daniel's sisters, Abby (and her family) and Beth, for meals and games and lots of kiddo playtime Saturday and Sunday. It was great to hang out.

And, yes, my anemia has been getting the better of me this past week. When the doctor first told me that my 12-week bloodwork came back with low hemoglobin levels, I didn't really believe him. I've never had early bloodwork come back with too-low levels before and since he didn't give me the exact numbers, I figured I was just on the low end of normal and that he was simply being paranoid given my history of anemia.

Ha.

I now am without a doubt that the doctor was right (shocker, I know): I am absolutely, to-the-bone exhausted pretty much around the clock. There have been several occasions already when I actually feel too tired to even eat-- and you know that's saying something! For the past week, I've been doing the minimum to get by.

But today is officially Catch-Up Monday.

The washing machine has been running pretty much non-stop since this morning and I spent a while first thing re-organizing and tidying. (Housekeeping gets put on hold when there are people to visit with and special events to make time for, but at some point everyone still needs clean underwear!) A nap, a simple dinner meal, and a quiet evening here at home should all help with the physical catch-up.

I hope, anyway!

More on gardening

First of all, I thought I should expound on yesterday's declaration that our perennial bed is "doing so well!" Because, really, if you look right now, the plants are still small and there is still more mulch than green, which is not the way I like gardens. That disclaimer aside, I cannot begin to describe to you the happiness that seeing these plants-- which were far smaller when we planted them last July-- growing and thriving brings me! This perennial-gardening is a process, but one I am thoroughly enjoying.

The bad thing about this gardening work is that I really find myself doing my other chores very begrudgingly. You know, the indoor ones. Not to mention, there are moments when Aubrey is sitting in the yard crying while I tell her to "Just hang on, Baby!" until I've finished puttering about.

And here's another thing: when we spend lots of time outside in the gardens, the kids get really dirty. Which means an extra-dirty mudroom and bathroom from the clean-up afterward. So, really, my desire to be outside all day long is not only making it harder for me to do the things inside that I need to do, but it's actually creating more indoor work in the long-run. What's a girl to do???

Spring

Everywhere I turn it seems spring has fully announced its arrival. We northerners welcome it like a long lost friend, and find its embrace is warmer and sweeter than we'd even remembered:

The flowers handed out at church have found a home in this pot; even the marigold, which I personally find rather... ugly. My boys brought me these flowers, searching me out in the nursery to do so, and that makes them beautiful enough.



More days than not, the clothesline is filled with the colorful billowing of shirts and sheets and tablecloths and diapers. I love it.



Our perennial bed, begun last year (thanks, Mom, for all the free transplants!), is doing so well! Today Daniel and I weeded really well and then mulched, and now it looks amazing. I have more mulch leftover, so we're thinking we'll turn more sod and expand it further along the fence (which has been the plan all along) now that we know we can actually keep flowers alive.



Gabriel is playing T-ball for the first time this year and absolutely loving it.
At this age, most of the players are busier picking flowers or-- worse-- their noses than catching balls, but he's still learning a lot and have a blast.



This morning while Daniel started work in the yard, I finally motivated myself enough to replace Easter decor with Memorial Day decor. The red, white, and blue is yet another sign that spring is really and truly here!



Our lettuce and spinach went straight into the ground last week, but the squash, zucchini, parsley, basil, and cilantro, which are just barely breaking the surface (you can't really see anything, it's all so small still!) need some more time indoors where the temperature is controlled. In 2-3 weeks we'll buy some tomato and pepper plants and get everything in the vegetable bed.

Mother's Day Blessings

I'm super blessed.

Yesterday morning, I woke and heard the scurrying of little people-- led courageously by their daddy-- to put the finishing touches on the morning's surprises: a mixed berry smoothie (poor Daniel would probably much rather make something like eggs & sausage, but he cares enough about me to make something he knows I like even though it's foreign territory to him) in a tall goblet and loving scrawls on construction paper cards.

At church, I was greeted with a million "Happy Mother's Day"'s. When I found myself welcoming children into the infant nursery, there were several comments about how a mother shouldn't have to do such a job on Mother's Day. I smiled and explained the difficult Child Protection laws that don't allow men to work in the nursery or teenagers to be in charge and, besides, it didn't bother me a bit. I'm a mother and thrilled to be one. What better way to celebrate than holding extra babies and wiping extra noses? Honestly!

In the evening, my family came over for a Mother's Day/Two May Birthdays celebration. (Jamie turned 23 yesterday and Merrick will be 10 on the 13th.) Daniel and Johnny grilled, I made two new recipes that I've been waiting to try out, the girls set out condiments and prepared hamburger & hotdog buns, Carina made the cakes, we laughed and had fun for several hours, and Daniel and Johnny did pretty much all the clean-up themselves. At one point Mom said something about none of our gathering taking place if it hadn't been for Grandma giving birth to her almost 54 years ago. Maybe it's because I'm in the midst of reading Gianna, the biography of an abortion-survivor, but the impact of Grandma's choice for life was very real to me. I'm so glad Grandma made the decision she made!

At the end of the day, I fell into bed, tired from all the festivities (have I mentioned that my 12-week bloodwork came back showing that anemia has already set in?), Daniel asked me if I felt blessed.

Oh yes.

So blessed.

Around our yellow house::

:: We had our annual Senior Work Day yesterday. In exchange for a meal (or 4 or 5, if the project goes on and on the way last year's fence project did!), these graduating students generously give us a day (or 2, in last year's case!) of their time and energy. It is a blessing beyond anything I can communicate.

:: Jackson asked me, "Mom, do you think my pickles are cute?"

"Your pickles???"

"Yes, my pickles," as he points to the sprinkling of freckles across his nose and cheeks that showed up this past week.

Oh. my.

Does it get any cuter than this?

:: We have replaced Easter artwork on our dining room art display string with spring artwork, but this housekeeper has yet to get the Easter decor put away. Some things just aren't more important than getting to bed early, you know?

:: Gabriel and I are working on Mother's Day gifts for his Nana and Grandma. I can't give more specifics since they both read this blog, but I just have to mention that he is an incredibly fun and creative gift-giving partner. I love that it really is a mutual sharing of ideas with him.

:: I hope to get our lettuce and herbs planted today or tomorrow. In a couple weeks it will be warm enough to get the tomato, pepper, and squash/zucchini plants in the ground. I am so excited for year two of vegetable gardening.

(Gabriel refers to the plants as our Summer Guests. I love it.)

:: Aubrey's vocabulary is growing daily. Recent additions are More, Crack (for crackers, that is), Cook (for cookies), Sing (this is her cue for a bedtime lullaby), and 'Side (outside). She's also eating a lot more these days, though she's still a pretty picky eater and, as usual, Daniel's food always looks better than hers.

:: I am feeling very unmotivated in the spring cleaning department. I keep reading/hearing about other people's endeavors and thinking I should be so inspired, but I am struggling. Is it okay to skip it this year?

A new sort of pregnancy

It's true that each pregnancy is different. But this one is so different I don't even feel like it can be in the same category as the previous ones.

(And maybe I'm pretty different, too. I've now been through some experiences as a mom that have certainly shaped me.)

1. This is the first time I've faced the gnawing possibility of a c-section. Up until a couple hours before Aubrey's birth, I simply never really entertained the thought. Sure, precautions about how an emergency c-section would be handled were always addressed in my birth plan, but never given more attention than that. While I'm very upbeat about a natural birth this time around, I guess I'm also more aware of the chances of a c-section-- and what exactly that entails-- than I ever was before.
   
2. I'm considered "high risk." Me. The girl who didn't get medical attention until 4 days post-miscarriage (and only after very strong urging by our pastor/retired nurse), who declined all but 2 internal exams prior to labor in 4 pregnancies, who delivered a baby in the sac because I'm so adamantly against the artificial rupture of membranes, who preferred going 42+ weeks in pregnancy than to even having my membranes stripped, who would be happy seeing midwives instead of doctors for the rest of my life, etc. I now see an OB who likes his medical procedures a lot. Fortunately he genuinely seems to understand where I'm coming from and also that I am more likely to high-tail it to a hospital and doctor who will do things naturally than to agree to his procedures. And God really is giving me the grace to see beyond my preferences so that I can be very grateful for this doctor who is gladly agreeing to give me a trial of labor.
3. Now that I'm beyond the throwing-up stage, I forget I'm pregnant. Often. For days at a time, actually. And even in spite of the quickly-protruding belly.
   
4. I've only gained 3lbs so far (which is a good 5-7lbs less than I've usually gained at 16 weeks), but I still got a bit of a reprimand for it. For the first time ever, instead of being in the 28-42lb weight gain goal range (which I've only barely reached in 2 of my 4 pregnancies), I am being asked to keep my weight gain between 15 and 20lbs. It's a new experience to have a doctor actually care about how much I'm gaining in pregnancy.
5. Next month I've been told I should have a genetic consultation at the perinatal center in Syracuse. I'm not sure what the point of this conversation is, other than that it's basically required by insurance and gives parents an opportunity to terminate the pregnancy if they get too scared about the possibility of having a baby with some sort of "defect." Bottom line: if they can't schedule it for the same day as Aubrey's cardiology appointment, I'll probably decline it. (Just for the record, this is not the fetal echocardiogram that I'll have done between 22 and 25 weeks to check on the baby's heart; declining the fetal echo would be quite foolish of me since our local hospital is far from equipped to deal with babies like Aubrey.)

Yeah, it's different. And at first I really struggled with a lot of it. I was more than a little afraid. I wasn't sure how to handle all the changes.

But God has done a work in my heart and I am absolutely 100% confident that He will be with us.

No matter the kind of delivery.
Whether this baby is perfectly healthy at birth or not.
At every appointment and each day inbetween.
As I try my hardest to prepare for the best delivery possible.

In the end, so what if things are different? So what if not everything lines up with my ideals?

God is with me.

What else really matters?

Boys are weird

Both my sons have now gone through a phase where they like to, um, use the bathroom trashcan instead of the toilet. Maybe they get bored aiming the same place all the time and like to try something new?

This is very unpleasant for their mother and is quickly stopped by way of swift swats to the bottom.

Naturally, I thought it was strange when Gabriel went through this interest. Now, a few years later and much to my shock (and chagrin), Jackson has been doing the same thing. Daniel tells me it's not as unusual as I think.

Can I just say it?

Boys are weird!

The ironing pile

Today one of the things on my To Do list was ironing. I usually try to do this weekly, but I have to admit that I haven't ironed since Good Friday. Needless to say, the pile was... huge. I ironed 12 dress/button-down shirts, 4 pairs of pants, and 1 crib skirt. And I only did half of it. There are still 2 skirts, 2 shirts, more pairs of pants, and 1 dress waiting to be ironed-- hopefully tomorrow before the pile grows again!

(Interesting note: only 2 shirts, the skirts, and the dress belong to the girls and I. Everything else belongs to the guys of the family. Hmmm... Who says girls are more high-maintenance???)

I can never decide how to approach ironing. I hate having to iron when I'm already rushed in the morning so I decided quite some time ago to simply do the job weekly, like they used to back in the good old days. The problem with weekly ironing is that it isn't uncommon for Daniel to pull out a shirt that was nicely pressed when I hung it up only for it to have Closet Wrinkles. You know what I'm talking about.

And so I end up touching things up all the time anyway.

What's the secret here? How do you take care of ironing?

(And please don't tell me you "just don't buy things that need to be ironed," because I'll just tell you right now that isn't an option for us. I absolutely love linen and wool and cotton, and Daniel loves his button-downs!)

Adventures in parenting

:: Gabriel started playing t-ball this week in a community league. They have two one-hour practices/games a week and so far he is loving it. Daniel tells me, with no repressed delight, that he is much better at t-ball than at basketball. (This isn't because Daniel doesn't like basketball, but that if Gabriel must be better at one sport than another, baseball is Daniel's preference.) Gabriel is, apparently, rather natural on the field. He especially loves playing the pitcher position (which is strictly a fielding position in t-ball) because he gets the most action there.

:: I have been cracking down on whining around here. I'd not realized how dulled I'd become to the poor responses to instruction until the other night at a mom's meeting when obedience was being discussed. Sometimes I think I get immune to the complaining and grumbling and don't even hear it any more. I'm thankful for reminders that there is no greater skill I can give my children in life than that of knowing how to cheerfully obey.

:: The kids have been very, ahem, busy this week, and have left quite a bit of destruction in their path. A large portion of my tulips were stomped on so that they are broken at the ground before they even get a chance to bud. There are ink drawings on upholstered furniture. A disobedient romp into the swamp out back one day while I was making dinner (and need I say exhausted by the end of the day?) resulted in mud up to waistlines. I was called outside two days ago by an unusual amount of commotion in the front yard, only to find that my son had been throwing rocks across the road and had actually broken the passenger window of a minivan as it drove by. In it all, I am not unaware of how the Holy Spirit desires to teach me exactly how to both do justly and love mercy. I am not, by nature, intensely compassionate, yet I am uncommonly mindful these days of the challenges of being a young child in a busy and confusing world. I am also deeply stirred to make sure my children learn how to take full and humble responsibility for their actions. I am thankful that He is guiding Daniel and I as we seek to shepherd our children through every single growing pain.

:: The children and I have had lots of picnic lunches and pleasant walks recently as we fill up long days without Daniel, who is especially busy as the school year concludes. We also had a chance to go over to a friend's house yesterday and play for the morning. The other day I was thinking about how lonely I would get when Daniel was working lots before my children came along. Sometimes I forget what great company they are and I take for granted how much I enjoy having them around. I don't want to do that.