News and Nothings...

--Jackson is beginning to outgrow some of the smaller (i.e. shorter) 0-3 month clothing he's been wearing. This proves his continued growth progress--and it also makes me optimistic that he'll be able to wear his "whale pants" Easter Sunday.

--Yesterday we spent an hour at the park here in Madrid with Aunts Liana and Camilla, and Uncle Merrick. It was great, great fun and something Gabriel has been asking to have a repeat of many times in the last 24 hours!

--Daniel and I head to Syracuse this weekend (with Jackson, of course) for the B.A.S.I.C. weekend. Last semester we had a great time with the students, and we're anticipating another good time. Gabriel and Bronwyn will spend the days we're gone at Nana's having a wonderful time of their own, I'm sure.

--Bronwyn has her hair in pigtails today. It's cute, but I'm not sure we'll do it again any time soon for two reasons: she hates it and, in my opinion, she looks too old.

--Today I'm hoping to get my hair color touched up by my professional hair stylist: Carina. If you've never had her do your hair, you should. She's really getting very good!

--I haven't had coffee in a couple days, and I'm missing it.  This is because I love the way it tastes and not because of the buzz, since I drink decaf.

--I have lots of laundry to do, lots of ladybugs to vacuum, lots of dishes to wash, and lots of toys to pick up. And I also need to make lunch for two kids. I know, I know... my life is so exciting!

More pics...

My Gabriel-Boy




My Bronwyn-B






My Jackson-Man

There are over-arching seasons in life, and the one I currently find myself in is the one called motherhood. But within this over-arching season, more specific seasons can also be found.  Yes, I am a mother. More specifically, I am a mother of toddlers/babies (I'm still not sure which category Bronwyn falls in; it seems to change depending on her mood and level of exhaustion). Even more specifically, I am a stay-at-home mother of toddlers/babies.

Now, I am reaching a new season within motherhood, once again. I am discovering that my oldest son is needing more. Simple behavior corrections are behind us and are needing to be replaced with real teaching. This week has brought a new realization of the battle we are in for his heart and his will and his respect.

And I am overwhelmed.

How do I teach this boy--who has foolishness bound up and sin abounding in his heart--to seek to please his father and I and, most importantly, the Lord?

Sure, I have some thoughts and some ideas. I can look at what others before me have done and imitate them. I can read books--and there are many good ones out there. But it all seems pretty obscure when it comes down to it, and I am terrified.

Yesterday I was a mess. I wasn't frustrated or angry with my son. I didn't feel hurt by him or undone by him. No... I felt afraid. The morning was spent in tears, and the afternoon was exhausted in cyclical thoughts that brought me no closer to resolution.

And then, as I laid in bed and, as usual, processed through the day, I knew what I needed to do right then.

I needed to pray.

The days ahead will need to include reading and seeking counsel. I will need to seek out opportunities like never before to teach big lessons through small events. I will need to be diligent to point to Jesus in my words, and I will need to feed the Word to my son. But right then, I needed to pray, and that's exactly what I need to continue to do before all else.

Because the truth is, I can't capture Gabriel's heart for the Lord apart from the work of His Holy Spirit. It is His job, ultimately. Oh yes!--I want to be a faithful vessel, and what He has asked of me as mom is an extremely intimidating thing, but in the end His load is easy and His burden is light.

I didn't sign up for motherhood because I thought it would be easy.

I just never knew it could be this hard.

There's something very reassuring about being able to walk into Mom's family room after a hard day. It's the one place that I still don't mind crying about... nothing, really. And it's the one place where my kids can misbehave and I know we're still welcomed as gladly as if they were behaving like angels. Somehow, just being with Mom puts everything back in perspective. (While You Were Sleeping and pizza made by Stephen and Josh helps, too.)

I'm glad Mom's house is just down the road.

(And--if you're wondering--the reason I'm not at church right now is because Gabriel is, and has been, sick.)

The dates are in:

Daniel will be flying to Spain out of JFK on Wednesday, June 28th. He'll be there, along with a team of five and a family of six, for three weeks. His return will be on Wednesday, July 19th. I'm so excited for him. I'm also a bit envious!  I know he will see amazing things--and he'll also get another stamp in his passport!   I'll miss him a lot (three weeks is longer than it sounds!), but I know we'll all be richer for what he'll gain as he gives.

After Daniel's return, he'll be on his way to Michigan to stand with a friend on his wedding day. We (Gabriel, Bronwyn, Jackson, myself) may or may not be in on that trip. In the coming days we'll work out those details.

At any rate, we're excited. Daniel hasn't done overseas work since he went to China almost two years ago. It should be a good summer.

Here a few more pictures from this past week:

Reading with Rah-Rah


Playing with Seth


Is that a hug or a tackle?


Bronwyn and Joel


Jack with his Great-Great-Aunt Kitty

Okay. I'll stop with the uploading craze for a while.

Here are some pictures from the past week. More will come after I take the time to transfer them from our camera to the computer.

Jackson meeting Great-Grandma Sally

Gabriel with his buddy Alex


At the zoo with Grandma


Bronwyn in the meerkat tunnel


Fish-Gazing


Visiting Aunt Judy


Pap-Pap and Jack


Daddy-Jack time


Our family

More to come!...

I folded up the pair of pants and relunctantly set them on the counter with my other returns. There had been something about this pair of pants--green with embroidered blue whales--that I had loved from the first time I saw them, and when they hit the clearance rack, I bought them in a heartbeat. In fact, I had loved them so much I'd already decided that my family's Easter apparel would revolve around these adorable pants.

But now we weren't sure the money was available for new clothes. There linger some questions about taxes and how much we will owe, having lived in two different states last year and all. And there isn't a doubt in our minds that Daniel's trip to Spain this summer is a much more worthy use of money than building a fence or expanding our driveway or, most certainly, buying a pair of 3-6 month pants--no matter how cute they are.

Before we left for Pittsburgh I had purposed to return every single thing I had purchased. It didn't matter that the outfit for Bronwyn for her birthday this summer-- including pants and shirt and hair curlies and socks-- had only cost $12. It didn't matter that I had found bargain after bargain and was [theoretically] saving our family money. I knew the Lord was asking me, once again, if I love Him enough to give it all.

Even the green pants with embroidered blue whales.

So I gave the cashier the pants and humbly received my money in exchange. I walked out of the store, still wishing I might have found a way to justify keeping those pants, and all the while knowing He was trying to teach me a lesson through a very simple thing.

I didn't think about the pants or any of my returns again until, more than 48 hours later, when I was lifting the lid of the box two friends had handed me and I saw a pair of pants--green with embroidered blue whales-- exactly like the ones I had just returned two days prior-- tucked inside, along with a matching shirt. They had, unknowingly, days (maybe weeks?) before bought Jackson those pants as a gift.

And I knew, once again, that I can never, ever, ever outgive my God.

 

We are home.

A week ago we arrived at our Paladin-parents' home and were greeted with hugs, gifts, and comfort.

Our days were filled with enjoying family, meeting babies, hugging friends.

We went to the zoo. And Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. And "Joel and Sethie's house." And lots of other places.

I shopped a lot, and could have shopped even more.

The memory stick in our camera was filled. And then filled again. And again. And once more.

My children traveled marvelously. Jackson even accepted the bottles I pumped for him, though he has never used one previously. (I'm too lazy to pump except when absolutely necessary--and even "necessary" is only when my husband requests a quicker trip.)

Everybody is sleeping.

Laundry is piling.

We are safe and blessed.

We are home.

I don't have much time to post since I'm up to my eyeballs in laundry that I'm trying to get packed in suitcases and house that needs to be helped before I can leave it for a week, but for a quick update:

--my friend had her baby girl tonight. I haven't heard a name yet, but I've heard that she's healthy, and for that I am very grateful!

--Jackson weighed 9lbs 12oz at his appointment today, so we reached the 1lb gain plus an extra 2oz. I feel as though that was a special gift from the Lord directly to me.

--I lost 4lbs last week and then gained 2lbs back. Not great, but I'm making progress.

--we are headed out of town tomorrow morning for a week in Pittsburgh visiting family and friends. I am looking forward to it so much, though I'm having to silence the complainer in me that says these times of visiting are always too short.

I figured I needed to put something new up here after bugging some other friends about their poor blogging habits, but don't have time for anything but this. If there's nothing new for a whole week after this, I have a good excuse: no internet access.

Just this--a quote from a favorite book--that I recently read again at another's website:

“Here is a little mouth to kiss; here are two more feet to make music
with their pattering about my nursery. Here is a soul to train for God,
and the body in which it dwells is worth all it will cost, since it is
abode of a kingly tenant. I may see less of friends, but I have gained
one dearer than them all. Yes, my precious baby, you are welcome to
your mothers heart, welcome to her time, her strength, her health, to
her most tender cares, to her life-long prayers! Oh how rich I am, how
truly, how wondrously blest!”

--Elizabeth Prentiss’ Stepping Heavenward

For those of you who didn't catch the not-so-subtle reference in my last post, yes, Jackson seems to have thrush again. I still haven't gotten it, so I'm going crazy with baking soda/water in his mouth to try to kill the stuff before I do get it, but I may be making use of the extra anti-biotics prescribed last time around for such a time as this. Ugh. I'm just hoping my dietary changes (less sugar and lots of yogurt) help my body fight the infection it is surely battling.

On a lighter note, I am really pleased with Jackson's growth of late. Of course, I have no way of knowing exactly how much he's gained since we don't own a scale (we see the doctor on Monday afternoon and will find out the specifics), but I know he's definitely gained significantly these last two and a half weeks compared to the prior five. When we returned from the last visit with Dr. McCloy a little over two weeks ago, I told Daniel that I felt I should pray for at least a 1lb. gain between then and this next appointment, which would put Jackson at 9lbs 10oz. Such a prayer seemed a bit lofty at the time, considering his 6oz. gain in a little over five weeks, but I have remained committed to this for my little guy. Now, as we approach the "finish line" (I'm sure that if he gains so well we will no longer have to watch his weight), I'm fairly certain he weighs even more than this and, while it may seem like a little thing in the greater scheme of life, I have a fresh reassurance through this situation that the Lord truly does hear the petitions of this mom--and there is great peace for every situation in such assurance.

And on an even lighter note, my mom taped the last two nights of AI and I got to watch them (minus the commercials, which is always nice!) today. It's a gray day--perfect for watching something fun--so during Jackson-feedings I caught up in preparation for tonight. If I had voted, which I never do, I would have voted for Katharine, Elliot and Taylor. I also like Mandisa and Chris, but I'm not sure they're really the best all-around candidates to win.

On the lightest note of all, we will be spending our "spring break" (we now follow college schedules to a certain extent) in Pittsburgh and are very much looking forward to our time there. We miss everyone so very, very, very much. I also miss shopping--which I plan to do--and TGI Friday desserts. It's probably a good thing I can't ever indulge in the latter around here since I'm trying desperately to stay healthy and lose weight; giant ice cream sandwiches with hot fudge don't really help reach either of those goals!

Now, off I go to put a 3-year-old back in bed for the millionth time since 1:30pm. Back to reality...

In general, this transition to "three" has been fairly smooth. I might even go so far as to say it's been great, at least compared to my difficulties in transitioning from one to two children. [In truth, perhaps it's been miserable compared to some others' transitions.]

At any rate, we've done okay. I really haven't cried at all. Not even when a little boy is running through the house, naked from the waist down, twirling his pants around and around his head until he sends them flying through the air. Not even when I hear pages of a book being torn by an eighteen-month-old and find that, not only are pages of several books being torn, but she has also managed to destroy a favorite video tape. Not even when I discover the tell-tale white spots on the tongue and gums of my baby--yet again. Not even when there is peanut butter smeared on kitchen walls, and the two youngest have leaked through their diapers for the second time, and bathwater is landing on every surface in the bathroom and soaking me, and dishes from the past four meals are piled in the sink, and there is so much laundry waiting to be done nobody has clean underwear, and an entire day is lived to the tune of at least one wailing offspring.

But this evening, we came close to spoiling our "okay" record. Close--but not quite.

In reality, not one of the things I have to endure are truly hard. Sometimes when they all pile up, they seem hard. And sometimes the fact that they come in an unending stream that has no pause or break seems hard. But when I look at the challenges I face in light of what others before me and around me have dealt with, I know He has been gracious to me. Abundantly gracious.

And because He's gracious, He gives grace to people like me... people who often struggle with little things.

Like transitioning to "three."

11:00am.

Bronwyn and Jackson are sleeping. [I discovered, by mere chance, that Jackson falls asleep and stays asleep when laying on his belly. So far, both my boys have been belly-sleepers (don't tell the professionals) and my daughter has been a back/side-sleeper.] Gabriel is watching his 1-hour allotment of television.

I love this time of day.

First, I am going to paint the wooden "j" that has been waiting to join the wall above the towel rack--assigning the cute infant-sized lamb towel to Jackson. While the letter is drying, I am going to pull out my Bible and journal and seize this opportunity to spend some time with the Lord; it might not be first thing in the morning, but it's time available to and beckoning me. If, after that, there remains more time while all children are pleasantly occupied, I will fold the many loads of laundry I've been shuffling through the washer and dryer this morning. And, finally, I will prepare lunch for two toddlers and nurse a baby.

This afternoon I have to make lots and lots of apple crisp for a gathering of students tonight in our home for Boston testimonies, clean the bathroom and laundry room (believe it or not, I have yet to sweep and mop all the mud left in there Sunday night by 40+ pairs of muddy shoes), supervise children during haircuts by Aunt Beanz, and make up the pizzas from two of the dough balls that were in my freezer and are now thawing. I can't guarantee "pleasantly occupied" children during all of this, but I am glad for an hour of peace and calm.

These are the things that constitute a "quiet life" for me, because they are what He has called me to today.

Thanks for the reminder, Mom, that investing the talents He has assigned us is the important thing--not what those talents look like. Such reminders help me enjoy the investment more than I did yesterday or the day before.

Instead of writing, I'm uploading. Guess this is what happens to people who have digital cameras! :)

Bathtime!

Thanks to cute towels, they now like getting out of the tub...


Jack after getting scrubbed


Jack at 7 weeks


Gabriel exploring a birthday gift


Chilling after stuffed manicotti, a prayer meeting, and sharing...

That's all for now, folks!

I read this post here and thought it funny and reassuring all at once, so I'm passing it on to you. (How well I am beginning to relate!)

A bath for baby

Tuesday, Feb 28, 2006

The answer to, “How do you do it
all?” is simple. Nobody does it all. If you bake your own bread and
mill your own wheat, then you probably don’t polish your silverware. If
you polish your silverware, you probably don’t parse Latin verbs with
your kids. If you do Latin with your kids, you probably don’t have a
garden. If you have a garden and do all of the above…you probably don’t
take a shower. And I’ll bet your garden has weeds.

I had another chance this week to discuss the How-do-you-do-it
question from a still wet behind the ears mom. Why she’s asking me, I
figure, is just for the sake of conversation. She can’t imagine I do it
all. I mean, if she bothered to look, she would have noticed
that I didn’t even bring my Bible to church. Let alone the diaper bag.
(One can scrounge a diaper from a hidden place in the van, if
necessary…)

When the mom with the newborn told me about her day and its trials, she related her baby’s routine and his nighttime bath.

And
I remembered. I remembered when I had my firstborn and gave him a bath
every evening before bed. I remembered that I dressed him in
sleepy-time clothes and powdered him up. I remembered that I would comb
his peach-fuzz hair. I’d even brush his one tooth. I’d talk and sing to
him, rock and cuddle him. He even had a mobile in his crib that sported
working batteries.

Then I remembered my #4 baby. We didn’t
even own one of those plastic baby tubs. Takes too much storage space.
A box of baby wipes is much more efficient. Sure, we’d rinse her off in
the sink when one of the diapers failed to contain its contents, but
she had to wait until she could sit up to have a real bath. With the
other girls, of course. Currently, we line them up, three-in-a-row, and
wash their hair in assembly line fashion. Not wanting to ruin their
childhoods entirely, I do use (generic, of course) lavender-scented
baby shampoo. Then, we dress the baby in cozy blue pajamas, a remnant
of an over-indulged firstborn. I feel no guilt.

For the
record, when I sorted through the newborn clothes for our #5 baby, my
husband put his foot down and told me that no son of his was going to
wear pink pajamas. Even if it was only for around the house.

With
each addition, the grooming and manual tasks get streamlined. But don’t
for a second imagine that their caretaking gets short-changed. Number
five will not have special baby Q-tips and coordinating sleeping
booties, but he will have more hugs, lovin’, attention, prayers and
holding than any baby in the neighborhood.

**********

Our
20-month-old was just getting over the flu a few weeks ago. My oldest
boy asked if he could have another job to earn more money before we
left for the store. I conceded, and we left together for a quick
shopping trip. He pulled out his money, counted it several times, and
checked the prices carefully on everything. And then he purchased a
glob of candy for his baby sister. Because she didn’t feel good.

And so, my conscience remains ever clear about #4’s babyhood bath time. It’s all good.

Today's frustrations:

...I simply have not had the motivation or discipline to lose the rest of the "baby" weight thus far, which is without excuse since it's a matter of just eating less for long enough to get rid of 5-7lbs. I hate when I'm not diligent in this area because it is almost always an inidication of my lack of diligence in general.

...Our house continues to be infested with ladybugs so that, no matter how often I clean, there are always a number of dead ladybugs in the windowsills and on the floors. This is very gross to me.

...Jackson has fussed the majority of the past 48 hours. Even the frontpack carrier hasn't helped.

...I was short with Gabriel when putting him to bed [for the third time]. He wanted me to sing to him [again], and I refused because I was upset that he was being disobedient. I don't think this was a true representation of His love for His children.

Today's highlights:

...Gabriel and Bronwyn received healthy reports at their dr.'s appointments this morning, and I had another chance to confirm how much I like Katie (the RNP).

...Taking more pictures with the digital camera they just gave us on Tuesday was a blast. I love seeing the shots of my cute kids seconds after taking it, and I appreciate that family can see these shots right away, too. I especially appreciate and admire the generosity of a good sister and brother-in-law.

...While Gabriel and Bronwyn napped and Daniel worked from home this afternoon, I laid down with Jackson to take a short nap, and the nap turned into 90 minutes of sound sleeping. This is the longest nap I've taken since before Jackson was born, and the first nap I've taken since she left. Yesterday I felt so exhausted and I knew the past 6 weeks of waking up several times a night was beginning to get to me, so this nap came at the perfect time.

...Our family dinner was particularly enjoyable tonight. I love that most evenings our table is shared with others; still there are times when the chance to simply relish one another--the cute antics of toddlers and the pleasant company of my husband--is priceless.