One area where the melancholy in me really comes out (besides, um, pessimism) is in my deep cravings for order and routine. Oh, I enjoy spontaneity... during my designated times for being spontaneous, that is.
Trust me, I don't order my days so much for the sake of my children as for me! I like to know when I'm going to do things, what days I'm doing them on, exactly how it will work, and that it's worked the day before. But, needless to say, I cannot live my whole life like this. Things happen, circumstances arise, emergencies take place, and seasons change.
(Seasons change a lot when you've got little people in the house.)
Loving order and routine is not an evil thing. I don't think God is upset with me for liking the toothbrushes put away or bath towels hanging on their assigned hook. In fact, as I look back on my childhood and recall some of my favorite "playtimes," they often involved spending upwards of 30 minutes setting up the perfect house for my B@rbie dolls, including arranging every little piece of food in the pink plastic refrigerator, and then just looking at it all with a deep sigh of contentment. Finding so much joy in order is part of who God has created me to be.
What is wrong is my association of peace with order and routine. Losing my joy because the day has gone hay-wire, or because the just-mopped kitchen floor now has muddy footprints on it, or because the children's books that I recently organized by type and height are now laying in a pile is not only wrong, it's unnecessary.
I'm learning, though. It isn't easy for me to quickly change my plans or re-arrange my priorities, but I do think I'm getting better at it, bit by bit. The Holy Spirit is a patient teacher and my children, who simply don't let me off the hook, are a great source of accountability.
All in all, it may seem strange that my husband will compliment me when I leave dirty dishes piled by the sink so that we can go get ice cream, but when he does that it's because I'm still smiling and he knows that it's not easy for me to do what I just did. He knows that I had to dig in for the peace that comes from a much deeper and richer Source than order and routine.
I second your whole post!!! I don't have a "schedule" for things to get done but I have an overwhelming need for order. I'm learning too, to not fret at the first sight of scattered toys, or bath towels not arranged by color, or doctor toys put away with princess toys (I'll say that toys in with the wrong theme really gets me though)....and the list goes on. I, too, have much to much of an association with peace and order. Now that is the riduclous part! Well atleast you know you're not alone and we can pray for each other!
ReplyDeleteYeah, I hear you... Sometimes I take comfort that at least MY things (books, clothes, etc.) are neatly organized, even if my children's aren't.
ReplyDeleteOh how this used to be me!! I used to get quite stressed if everything was not in order and things not going just as I had planned. I butted against the change and more relaxed attitude for a long time. (Ok, ok, I am still working on it!) Homeschooling Austin and then adding in Ashlyn along with all the "events" of last year really forced me into realizing the more important things of life. I still find myself comparing my daily "routine" to that of others and will have to catch myself saying, "that is them and not where God has you right now". Lets face it, some of us always seem to be perfectly in order and others are not. What I have realized now is that real life and joy comes in living for each moment and not stressing over the fact that the floor needs to be swept and laundry is still sitting in the basket waiting to be folded.
ReplyDelete"Oh, I enjoy spontaneity... during my designated times for being spontaneous, that is."
ReplyDeletehaha, yep, I can identify with that! well put. ;)
See you in a week!!
I totally did the same thing with my Barbies.
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