::Daniel and Mom P. and Beth have left. The week with our visitors had me so pre-occupied, I hardly thought about Daniel's upcoming absence. While three days apart is hardly enough to shed a tear about, three days is long enough for me to be feeling lonesome by the end. I will have to think of a few things to do between now and Saturday night that might get us out of the house for a bit.

::This did not refer to a specific person or situation or circumstance. Really, it was just the result of me--once again--looking at myself and being convicted by how aloof I keep myself so many times. I convince myself that others are holding me to the same unreachable standards that I too often measure myself by, and that they have found me wanting. As a friend and sister in Christ, I really do fall prey to the idea that unless I am always blessing you ("you" being a general term), helping you, adding to your life, etc., than I am a burden you don't want to carry. If my children are rude to you, or if I have to ask for something from you, or if my problems seem like something nobody would want to hear about, I tend to withdraw so that I can "deal" with myself and then come back to you when I've taken care of things.

What a double-standard, considering that I would never want a friend of mine to do the same with me.

Trust me, though, that this does not pertain to housekeeping or pressure to make the house perfect for others. My entirely impossible standard for cleanliness is a problem much more deeply rooted than simply wanting others to be pleased/impressed/etc.; I like it "just so" for me as much as for other people. (In other words, I really and truly am a bit OCD.)

::Jackson is cutting his first premolar and it is awful. Last night included little sleeping, much fussing and even more nursing. I am tired and he is irritable. Is it okay for me to be jealous of the babies who don't even cut their first tooth until they are 12+ months old???

::Now that the holidays are really behind us, I am re-re-evaluating our eating habits. Actually, just mine. I'm fairly disciplined about making sure my children are eating healthy, including snacks. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner include a limited amount of starches and almost always major on fruits and veggies. If there is a snack, it is either fresh fruit or peanuts/raisins. Desserts are fewer and farther between than ever. (Unless Daddy gets involved, of course, since he loves "spoiling" his kiddos.) But my own eating?

Yeah, not so good.

The problem lies in how much time and effort I am willing to put into my own meals. I don't eat lunch at the same time as the kids for two reasons: 1. I'm not hungry as soon as they are, and 2. my hands are plenty busy just trying to keep them moving along through mealtime. I usually break for lunch after they're all napping, and since that time is also my "project time," I will typically grab whatever is most handy so as to leave as much time for work as possible. Sometimes what I grab is something decent like an apple or a clementine. More often, though, it's a piece of bread or a cookie or a couple slices of cheese. Eating healthier needs to be as much (or more) a priority of mine as, say, organizing the closet or cleaning the bathroom.

I'm too tired and short on sleep to add in the exhaustion that comes with messed-up blood sugar levels and such.

::Bronwyn's pacifier got lost last week. This has made naptime and bedtime a bit more of a longer and louder process, but I figured the disappearance was at a good time. She needs to be done with this habit that, while limited to sleeping, might soon mean orthodontic problems. Today, however, while Daniel was cleaning out the car to make room for luggage (the car doubles as his office-on-wheels), he found the "pac-yishe" and returned it to its owner.

Ugh.

::I'm so excited for Carina about her new endeavors. I think she will see much success and even greater influence in lives.

::A whole bunch of new reading materials arrived yesterday. I can't even begin to list all the titles, so I will list the ones I am most anxious to read. Any votes on what to start with are more than welcomed!

The Five Love Languages of Children
A Chance to Die
The Power of a Praying Wife
The Marriage Covenant
Stop Dating the Church

Where to begin?!?!

::My kids are fighting. I'd better go get us involved in an activity, and quick. You know, before somebody gets killed.