There's been a lot shared about making ungodly comparisons of late. First at the Mother's Meeting, where needing to hear directly from God what He is wanting of my days came up. Then in Sunday School, as Mom shared about being homemaker and over and over again said that while principles never change, methods do and can and should. The discontent that comes with comparing was considered here, and as I raise my own children I am struck by the need to treat them individually.
So.
I am different than you. What works for me doesn't necessarily work for you, and vice versa. And, as much as I love sharing ideas and taking notes from others, the blueprint for my day needs to come directly from my personal and attentive Creator.
Sometimes, hearing what others do or don't do is freeing. For example, when Pastor Mike told me that there was a time when Judy just didn't try grocery shopping with all the little guys, I was freed. Why? Well, because there I was, standing in food aisles with pickle jars broken on the floor, bags of M&Ms tossed to and fro about the store, crackers and vegetable oil and walnuts and ketchup that I didn't pick out in the grocery cart courtesy of my 1.5-year-old, etc., and I was miserable thinking that I was a complete failure; that every mom can manage her three children while shopping; and that this was simply a reflection of my inabilities since, after all, I know other moms who can shop with many more children in tow.
Maybe it is. Or maybe it just means that my kids are different than yours. Or maybe it just means that I'm different than you.
Still, when Pastor Mike, in casual conversation, recommended that I not do the grocery shopping with the three kids by myself, I wondered why I'd been feeling such pressure to do it all by myself in the first place. Oh wait--I'd been comparing myself to others.
These days, I do my grocery shopping on Daniel's day off (today, incidentally). Sometimes, there isn't time since he often has projects of his own to accomplish on those days. And sometimes this means that we eat a lot of frozen broccoli instead of fresh peppers and that our fruit comes by way of a jar instead of from the produce stand. But we're all healthy and I don't dread grocery shopping any more (I actually enjoy it again!) and, more importantly, I don't hate being a mom as I drag my errant children home after a trip to the store.
My blueprint says to leave the grocery shopping for the good attitude. And, true, some people can have both.
Not me. (At least not now.)
haha, nothing major, just years of shrieking in fear for my life at least twice each time I'm in the car.
ReplyDeleteyeah! how freeing for you. i sometimes catch myself thinking i must be "wimpy" but i rarely do grocery shopping with kayla anymore. and i only have ONE kid! i just wait until saturday or after she's in bed. its a nice time for me to just get out - by myself - no distractions and spend the time i need and want sorting for what is the best deal without little hands getting into everything. feel no shame! three cheers for grocery shopping without the kiddos!!
ReplyDeleteI have come to love frozen broccoli, and I plan to buy up a few cases of canned veggies when they go on sale for Thanksgiving. (You know, the Green Giant low sodium beans, peas, and corn for like 20 cents/can.) Mrs. Patnode gave me that idea last year. I agree- you guys are healthy. And I also agree whole-heartedly with the rest of your post. Thanks for writing it. And oh, one question- why are the items our children "add" to our cart NEVER, EVER items we would normally need or buy? Is that like a universal rule or something? :~)
ReplyDeleteA timely post for me...
ReplyDeleteLarry usually loves the store - looking at everything, smiling at everybody. Today he decided to pitch a fit in the self-checkout at Wal-Mart (crying, yelling, trying to turn around/stand up in the seat). I was blessed by a kind man behind me talking to him and distracting him until I had everything scanned and paid for! Whew!
I decided to take this advice when you left it for me before. Aaahhh.... it's so freeing to not even try to take the kids to Wal-mart by myself... or most places for that matter!
ReplyDeleteOnce again you are speaking for me as well... I am always comparing myself and my (seeming) failures to other moms that I look up to. Funny how we cant seem to see the good things we are doing and only the "wrong". I, too, love grocery shopping and went through a season like yours. D has often asked me "why does it take so long to go get a few groceries". Sigh... The answer came easy enough one afternoon when I ran just across town for a list that was a page long. He was home to watch the little ones -something that rarely happens for me. I was back home in less than 30 minutes with a car load of grocery bags. He asked how come I was so fast when I had to get so much. I just smiled and replied -"the lines must have been shorter today." (I have to add... I said that bc he already feels bad that he cant watch the kids more for me and I didnt want to add on to that.)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you can go to the grocery store and have peace now! I would never be able to go with the kids alone! We always go as a family. I personally hate grocery shopping. But, where we go they have the carts with the car on the front. The boys get buckled in there and get to pretend their driving. That car thing on the cart is awesome. We usually stop off after church because our church is near the store. The kids love going. Last Sunday after church we decided we didn't need anything this week and so we drove right by the grocery store and my oldest started crying because he wanted to go drive "the car"! It's much easier with two parents to watch the kids and like you said; every kid, mom, and family are different. You have to do what works for you.
ReplyDeleteThat was good. Thanks. Even though I tell people not to compare themselves I tend to do it too. And then sometimes I think, why don't they do it MY way....I keep forgetting that most important is to do it God's way. He's a personal God so we don't all have to do it the same way....if we're listening, right? Pray for me to listen more!
ReplyDeleteHmmm... grocery shopping with three kids. I'll be figuring this one out soon enough. Not sure what it will look like for us, but you are definitely right - everyone is different.
ReplyDeleteI am glad to hear you say that. For the longest time I tried to figure out why I was so frustrated. It was because I was comparing myself to others and of cousre I am different. I was stressing my husband out. I felt such oppression. Once I stopped comparing myself and WAS myself I felt so much better. Life is so much happier now that we live free of comparison.We do what works for us and we like it.
ReplyDeleteI was just thinking about the whole comparison thing this morning, and came to the same conclusions. It's great to know others feel the same way...and I often go shopping with Tim so that I don't have to handle children by myself.
ReplyDeleteI love reading your posts. You should be an english major and write a book lol
ReplyDeleteI never... and let me emphasize, EVER bring all three children to the grocery store. First of all, they and the groceries do not all fit in one cart, and secondly I just can't think! I might take one with me, but that's the limit. Sometimes this means waiting 'til Sonny gets home and going to a 24-hour Super Walmart at 11pm on a weeknight, 35 miles away. Whatever it takes!
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to refrain from comparing myself with others. Some would say my standards are too low, some say too high. I say... we're a work in progress just where we're at.