A little over an hour ago, I was headed out the door to the monthly prayer and praise meeting at the church. Instead of the anticipated return home trip at around 8:30pm, I am already back in my living room. The kids are watching Little People before an early bedtime and I am wondering why I bothered trying in the first place.

Yup. You guessed it. My kids didn't make it through the brief sound check/worship practice before I was thoroughly convinced that what we needed was certainly not an all-out battle of wills, which the meeting was almost surely bound to become. Rather than struggling through the entire evening when I'm already tired, I decided a bad attitude was creeping on way too fast and that the quickest way to nip it in the bud was to come home.

I love worshipping with others. I love gathering with the body of Christ. One of the most difficult things for me to give up as a mom isn't my free time, late nights, naps, etc. Far more difficult for me is the relinquishing of frequent and lengthy times shared with my family in the Lord, whether the meetings be at the church or a home or somewhere altogether remote.

Oh, I will never give up trying to make it to every meeting I possibly can, especially since gathering with the brethren is commanded, but sometimes I realize that this is yet one more way my flesh needs to die... my desires need to be put to death... my own hopes and expectations need to be replaced. When the baby is sick, when the toddler is acting up, when the basic disciplines have been ignored: these are the times that what would be more enjoyable for me--more pleasant and immediately rewarding--must be disregarded so that I can make the sacrifice set before me.

I guess what I am getting at is the fact that while my selfish desires and impulses and my bad attitudes might center around things that are not wrong, I am still wrong. And, dear me, it is embarrassing to realize.