The Mother's Meeting last night was exactly what I needed.

These past several weeks (since the semester began, really), I have been unmotivated and uninspired. When sleepless nights pile up, bad attitudes and fighting abound and the list of to-dos barely gets check-marked before it has to be done again, life begins to feel like one very loooong day and every effort to make moments special and interesting to and for my husband and children are just that: effort. Getting the fall decorations out this year happened because I knew I should. Making nice meals and lighting that candle have been because I knew I'd be glad I did... sooner or later. I've been doing things even though I haven't felt like it, knowing that these moments come and that motherhood means nurturing and caring even now, but my heart has only grown more hopeless as I've fruitlessly awaited a moment of wanting to again.

But when Mom was talking, it was as if a lightbulb--one hanging right before my eyes but hidden in the shadows of discouragement and condemnation--was suddenly turned on.

Oh yeah.

First things first. Him before all else. My heart, my wellspring, guarded diligently.

Many of the books I've been reading of late have been instructional, challenging, and helpful. Books on parenting, discipleship, community, church-life, marriage. My mind has whirled, my ideas have expanded, my heart's been convicted, my repentance is sincere. But I'll be pretty honest with you: I decided a couple weeks ago that I really wasn't up for trying to absord yet another "to do" that only makes me feel more miserable in my attempts at being a church-member, wife, mom, daughter, friend, etc. When there isn't a foundation of purpose in my heart, even good ideas from an anointed and Godly man/woman of God can become a tool in the enemy's hand.

The problem was with me, of course. For example, I was reading the challenges to better mother as me needing to find motivation and inspiration in the stuff around the house... in my children... in my husband. I'll tell you firsthand that this is very frustrating when you've lost sight of your True Motivation.

So when it came time to pray for one another last night, I told them that I need to make Him first again. I need to remember that if nothing else gets done, I want to have spent time with Him. If my 15 minutes with Jesus have to be interrupted 15 times (or more) so that connecting with Him turns into a 2-hour project, I'll continue in my goal of touching and being touched. I'm done "shelving" the idea of guarding my time with Him because there's "just no point in trying." Mom said that if it takes 2 weeks of saying, "No more anything else. We're praying. We're talking. We're worshipping. We're studying," then say that.

Oh yeah.

The Lord. Me as His daughter. Him as my Love.

(And you know what? I bet that as I make loving Him more my daily goal again, He'll prosper my other efforts. He's good at that.)