Redemption

With each scrub of the floor, cupboards, and chairs of my kitchen, the sense of normalcy increases. With each story book read, diaper changed, and bathroom sink cleaned, I feel less and less in a daze. With each load of laundry that gets pumped through my beloved frontload washer & dryer-- blue jeans and plaid bedsheets and tiny pink socks-- there is a calm that washes over me.

Yet not entirely.

Not like before.

My heart aches and groans for His redemption here on earth. The brokenness of humanity and the sting of sin is freshly real to me, and now I am all the more desperate for the touch of the only One who can make it right.

I believe with my whole heart that God's will is to heal and redeem Aubrey's life. He has already shown Himself faithful to this promise. My resolute confidence is that one day the little heart that is swollen and confused will no longer beat visibly with every heave of her chest... that she will run and dance and shout and play... that her life will for many, many years be a testimony and encouragement to others.

But the core of who I am has been changed as I walk this out. Eternity has been printed on my heart in a new and deeper way.

The path I am on isn't easy. I didn't ask for or want this. I confess that there have been moments when I have cried out to God that this not be my portion or Aubrey's.

And yet I cannot deny the precious work of the Holy Spirit in the midst of this trial. The Lord is healing my daughter-- and He is changing me as I watch, experience, and await His redemption.