Upon Daniel's return from 3 weeks in Spain last summer, he told me how he knew he'd go back, though he knew not when. He's been to Mexico, Africa, China and Spain, and has been impacted by every place, but Spain has put a special claim on his heart. There is a field ripe unto harvest there and the need for laborers is overwhelming. I am blessed to have a husband who sees the nations desperate for a Savior and who so desires to bring the Gospel to them.
But I will confess to not really wanting to ask God about this one.
It isn't the time with him gone that is so difficult for me to consider, though solo-parenting is certainly about 10x more challenging than when there is an actively participating Daddy on the scene (even if the kids and Daniel only cross paths for an hour each day, I am always amazed at the difference it makes!), but rather the way our summer evaporates when he is gone for that long right smack-dab in the middle of it. Last year, we no sooner ended a month busy with wrapping up the spring semester, attending graduation parties and weddings, keeping up with extra church activities, working on the driveway project, etc., and he was off. Within 24 hours of his return, we were out the door to travel countless hours for another wedding. Two weeks after that, we were on the road again for a youth conference Daniel led worship for (and the two weeks were full of plotting out the fall semester, not relaxing). After the conference, we went to my aunt's in Long Island for a brief 6-day vacation before returning home just two short days before the semester began.
Overall, it wasn't really my idea of a good time. And so I am reluctant to ask God.
You see, I am self-preservationist. I am stingy. I worry and fret about the children (all the while knowing deep in my heart that the best gift we can give them is an example of Kingdom sacrifice). I don't like things that mean more work, less sleep, and less fun. I tend to be rather myopic and self-centered in my decision processing (which is exactly why I am undeservedly blessed to have a husband who is not).
Yet, in spite of my own reservations, I have promised to go before the Lord with this possibility. It isn't easy for me, but it is good for me.
If you feel like praying for me while I'm praying, I'll take it.
praying. : )
ReplyDeleteYour honesty is always refreshing to read, Brietta.
ReplyDelete"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!"
Wherever God leads you, I'm sure he will reveal his goodness to you in the decision, and you will respond with Faith.
Remember it's a blessing that he even asked you to pray and will listen to what you hear too....he could have just said he's going, but he trusts you to hear from God too.
ReplyDeleteEven now he is working so much...when you said he worked 70 hours I know it because Doug has been working 65 hours a week the last 2 weeks. I'd been keeping Joy up later and she gets up later in the morning so she could see Dad, but I'm going to start putting her to bed earlier again I think. It's hard to tell what to do. She sees so little of him now. But I don't like her being up till 10:30 or 11 because I see so little of him too!
I'll pray with you too. If God says let him go and you have a good heart about it, it won't bother the children. It's when we complain the kids start to agree with us...that's what I have to watch for.
I think it's really cool too, how you put all your feeling out for everyone to see.
I had to laugh at your comment about my kids loving to be around me because when we got back from VMI, Joel sobbed at the mere sight of me! (Which he does weekly when I retrieve him from the nursery.) At least I still get a warm greeting from Seth!
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, the photo tells no lies. Seth has had a definite spurt and Joel is pretty much the same. Unfortunately, that means that Seth only fit in 18-24 month pants well for 3 months since he took forever to grow into them in the first place! (In November, I was rolling the waist on those pants!) I've seen some great deals on jeans for next year, but I don't know if he'll stick in a 2T until next winter or grow into a 3T (My money's on the 3T-literally since I bought him one pair of jeans in that size. We shall see!)
I don't envy you while thinking of giving Daniel up during the summer. Joe is currently away for 5 days and wouldn't you know it, Mariah is sick for the first time.
I usually try to accomplish some big project while Joe is gone, but not this time. I have to say, it's kind of nice not stressing out over getting it done the whole time!
Hmmm...that is a tough one. I know that while my parents were off modeling service within the Body, my sister & I were developing alter egos they knew nothing about. I know there is balance to be had in serving the Body & serving the family, and I'm sure that what we all desire. I know my parents certainly did. But somehow their willingness to serve the Body came at the sacrifice of real, personal relationships with us. That happens in so many pastor's families, you know? I will join you in praying that if Daniel's desire to go comes from the Lord, that He will bring you joy & contentment in knowing that He will supply all your needs, and your children's needs, with no lack.
ReplyDeleteLet me say that I truly admire your heart. It is so hard for me not to be selfish when it comes to my time with Ben and our family time together. He will be away for just a couple days in March and I am already dreading it! So I will pray with and for you. It is so good to know He'll give the grace for the day, isn't it? Even when we have no clue where (and sometimes when) that grace will come!
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