Last night I told Louissa, "Stuffing stockings is my favorite part of being grown-up," and--while perhaps not entirely acurate--it is definitely one
of my favorite parts! Upon arriving home from a beautiful candlelight
service at church (Christmas Eves at CFC are definitely highlights
throughout my life), Daniel and I pajam-ed kids, shared in tea/milk and
cookies on our living room floor, and read through a children's version
of the Christmas story before bedding our little guys. And then the fun
began for me: the stuffing of the stockings. I already decided that
next year will be even more fun because I'll have yet another stocking
to stuff for this baby!

This morning we had the joy of watching Gabriel and Bronwyn look through their stockings and open all their gifts in our own home.
It felt strange to be so close to the "big" house down the street here
in Madrid and yet not share in the traditions I have known my whole
life, but I was truly loving the opportunity to begin establishing
traditions for my own children. Knowing that this home will be the one
they remember spending some of their first Christmases in made it all
the more special.

Today I have particularly appreciated having a boy and a girl a lot,
because it meant both boy and girl toys and clothing scattered about
our house as they explored their new things. We had pink flowered doll
bedding and baby doll sippie cups mingled in with matchbox cars and
Toy Story figurines, etc. Last year Bronwyn was still enough of an
infant that there weren't a lot of "girl" gifts yet!

Now we are at my parents' house. The kids are napping, Daniel is
playing a game with my family, and I am resting in the family room. I
haven't slept much at all the last two nights due to a sore hip,
nausea, and "restless legs" (which is a legitimate thing, I've learned,
so nobody can make fun of me now!), so I am tired. Thus far this
pregnancy has been uneventful and very comfortable. I can't complain.
It hardly seems possible that I am due soon, so calm and relaxed the
"baby" aspects of these last few months have been. Or maybe I just
haven't had time to notice pregnancy in light of all the other
goings-on in my life. At any rate, to just now, at 37+ weeks, be
feeling discomforts of any sorts is nothing to be bothered by, that's
for sure.

Our house is really wonderful. This past week we've finally been able
to do some "real" life in it, and it's a great place. I love having a formal
dining room. The other night, I put dinner on the table and was so
pleased to have all the dirty dishes from cooking hidden through the
doorway into the kitchen. The dining room was lit with candles and
treelight, the table was set with Christmas napkins, and everything was
clean! Of course, a mess waited for me in the other room, but that's
okay! At least I got to enjoy the meal without the presence of my
waiting chores!

Sometime soon I'd like to have a house warming of sorts. Maybe. Part of
me feels way too tired for such things, but the other part wants to
share this latest blessing with others!

Merry Christmas to all!

Today as worship began, I found myself suddenly aware of how strange it
is that he hasn't come up to me yet and said, "Whoa--you've got a kid inside of you. We were, like, in kindergarten together and now you've got a kid inside
of you." I'm not sure what provoked the thought; perhaps it's
remembering two years ago when I was home for Christmas, pregnant then,
as well, when he said those words to me. But the emotional part of me
that knows no reason and struggles to accept reality couldn't
understand why I haven't laughed with him over this seemingly "playing
grown-up" that I'm doing.

I am so aware of his absence at times. I can't even imagine how those who shared daily life with him feel.

O Come, o come, Emmanuel...

Only You can right all this, Lord.

We've officially been in our house since Tuesday. It's been really nice
to, once again, have a place that is slowly becoming "home". I'm
finding that routines I'd thought were lost forever (mostly personal
ones like quiet times and such) are not so hard to re-discover. I'm
also finding that the task of settling into a house is a much bigger project
than I'd once anticipated.

Christmas lights, holiday music, stockings and presents and carols...
It's amazing that even though I'm rather behind this year
with Christmas preparations and feeling less than prepared for next
week, the season is yet upon us. Without cookies or wassail or the
perfect paper napkins, we are celebrating His birth and all that His
birth means. I miss the traditional elements a lot and hope to never
repeat the lack thereof again; and yet I am thankful for a year that is
causing me to realize how amazing His gift of life truly is. We don't
need "the works" to make this season momentous--the Baby in the manger
is that wonderful.

We had a LIFE Group/Christmas gathering with the students at our house last night. Only a bit before everyone arrived our hot water got hooked up and we were stashing miscellaneous boxes that still need to be sorted through (though probably won't be, realistically, for at least another few weeks, if not months!). Mom and Danica helped me with some final holiday decorating--I have yet to see the house in a "normal" decor, but it certainly goes well with Christmas!--and they did vacuuming and party set up, too.

The party was fun, especially since it was at our house. This house has been much-anticipated not only by us, but by a lot of the students. Of course, many of them headed out on the early end of the evening in order to study, but a couple hung out until very late.

We ended up spending the night there since we'd laid the kids down in their beds hours beforehand, even though that hadn't been the plan. We could have dragged them out in the cold and down the street to my parents', as we'd figured we'd do, or go retrieve some necessary toiletries and just join them there. Since it was after midnight, the latter option sounded a lot better! Of course, we left this morning shortly after waking up and showering/dressing to come back here to Nana and Papa's because there is absolutely no food in our house right now! One glance in our refrigerator will prove my point: choose from juice or half and half. That's it. Period. Guess the next step in getting really settled there is doing some shopping.

It really is a wonderful house. I look forward to having lots more people over in the days ahead. Hopefully this baby will hang out where he/she is for a while and let me get lots and lots of hostessing in before an arrival!

I woke this morning to a beautiful snowfall. So amazing... so clean. Like my heart, before the Lord. Jesus is wonderful.

Aren't you glad we spend a whole month of every year celebrating His coming?

Aren't you glad we can spend each moment in His presence since He's come?

Aren't you glad we'll spend forever with Him because of He came?

I am.

--I spent the last two hours stringing popcorn for our Christmas tree. The reason? This year's tree is much bigger than previous trees, due to having more house to "fill", so the ribbon we've always hung on our trees is not quite enough to do the trick; I thought popcorn would be an inexpensive and fun way to fill in the gaps. Sometimes my good ideas become rather time consuming. This would be one of them.

--If each of you could hear Bronwyn say, "Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh!" in her repetative and adorable way, your day would be instantly brighter. She really is one of the prettiest little girls ever. (The amazing thing is how she daily becomes more of a girl and less of a baby.)

--Between my love for chocolate and need for hot drinks, I have consumed far too much hot cocoa in the last few days. At least once every twenty-four hours you can find me heating water on the stove and preparing my mug. I can take it with or without milk and with or without mini marshmallows--just make sure it has plenty of cocoa.

--The mold that had grown all over the crib bumper (don't ask--it's a long story) is almost completely faded. For a brief two days I thought I had lost $150 to carelessness, and it seriously did bring me to tears. That crib bedding is the one thing Daniel and I have really splurged on in our married life, knowing the crib would be well used. But all is not lost. In fact, the mold is completely dead (between laundry detergent, oxy-clean, RIT and hot water, I'm confident of that!) and barely visable until you get up close. Perhaps at some point in the future I'll replace the bumper since the fabric is a bit faded now, too, but for now, what we have will continue to serve our babies.

--I kind of like the story of St. Nicholas, and I definitely like folk-art Santas. Personally, the jolly fellow doesn't offend me. I just don't like how most Santa stuff represents the ridiculous commercialization of Christmas.

--It has been several weeks since I last read a book. Today my mom was helping the girls with their school and I found myself struggling to remember the answers to the questions she was asking. When I visited Jamie at PHC and sat in on his class, I was completely lost the entire time. The worst thought associated with homeschooling my children is having to re-learn Algebra so I can teach them. But I can make a mean PB&J and I'm a pro at changing diapers anywhere. What can all this mean?!?!

--To hang icicle lights or not? That, my friends, is the question.

My back is sore but my heart content. In spite of minor setbacks (the kitchen cupboards are not
hung due to slower-than-predicted-drying stain), we are making progress. The
bathrooms at the new house are scrubbed clean and towels are hanging on
racks. There is a great big tree standing in our dining room,
overlooking the living room and waiting for this evening's decking of
the halls. I have re-organized children's clothing because, believe it
or not, we've been living out of suitcases for so long, I had summer
clothes to put away in boxes and winter clothes not yet retrieved.
Lightbulbs are in lamps, books are on shelves, and shades are hung at
windows. In fact, if you ignore the mound of boxes along the walls of
the dining room--all waiting to be emptied into kitchen cabinets--the
house looks rather settled! Daniel even hung my Christmas wreaths (all
10 of them!) in 20* weather.

Up until now, I haven't really been "feeling" pregnant, other than
being tired. But today as I lugged boxes around and bent over bathtubs,
I fully and completely knew the reality of being 35 weeks along. What I
can't understand is how pregnancy seems to make one weaker. Why is it
that I'm struggling over boxes I was easily moving around only three
months ago?

At any rate, we will eat dinner shortly and then make the quick drive
down the road to our house with the kids, where we'll decorate our tree
and open a few early gifts. While Christmas shopping last month, I
picked up some books that wonderfully tell the Christmas story and,
since we didn't own any like that, I bought them and have planned on
wrapping them up and giving them to Gabriel and Bronwyn early in the
hopes that, as we read them, they will begin to understand what all
this celebration is about. Tonight we will again return to my parents'
instead of sleeping in our home (one can't really hang out too long in
a house that doesn't have hot water or a functioning kitchen), but our
tree will be beautiful and we will have shared our first evening of
"living" there.

I just wish I could share this home with all of you.

Daniel is over at the house, staining the kitchen cupboards. He warned me not to expect him back tonight--he's hoping to finish the job. The poor man is working so hard, and the fault is really mine.

This morning I had a bit of a panic attack: There are only 2 and a 1/2 weeks until Christmas and I don't even have the cookie sheets unpacked, let alone the decorations out or our advent calendar being used, and we're never going to have another Christmas with Gabriel and Bronwyn the ages the are and with Bronwyn as the "baby" and I feel like I'm losing opportunities every day... and even if I can pull things together enough to fake our way through the holidays, after that I only have 2 and 1/2 weeks until this baby is due and as much as we're all guessing I'll go late, that still doesn't give me a whole lot of time, and we don't even own a dresser to put baby clothes that aren't yet washed in or the carseat located or anything... and you know what life is like after a new baby--me easily undone and the house in disarray even if it started out organized and caught up, and this time around we won't even be starting with things running semi-smoothly...

I was overwhelmed.

The whole family (minus Carina, who worked) left to locate and cut down wonderful Christmas trees for the three Sinclair-related households while Bronwyn and I stayed home. I couldn't find Bronwyn's snowsuit in any of the boxes in our new house, nor do I own a winter coat that fits around my belly, so the two of us remained here at the house. She took an early nap while I spent some time in quiet and began to mentally break things down, yet again. What can I try to do right now? And, sure enough, in spite of how out of control of this whole housing situation I feel, there were a couple projects I could begin working on so as to eliminate some of the stress.

Tonight, I am relieved. There's still a lot to do, but I finished the holiday newsletter that will go inside the Christmas cards I aim to get in the mail next week. Some creative thinking and a few "loaner" pieces of furniture from Mom will help meet the needs of our family in the short-term until I can find some things worthy of spending money on. I put together the Christmas wreaths I purchased faux greenery and fruit for while in Williamsburg (and they do look beautiful, if I say so myself!), so tomorrow or the next day at least the outside of our house will be decorated for the holidays, even if the inside is a bit of a mess.

Tomorrow--assuming Daniel really does get the job done in spite of my anxious requests that he not push himself so hard--the kitchen cupboards will be re-hung on the walls and I will have a home that can really be moved into. All the boxes of kitchen stuff that are piled in the dining room and living room can be put away, which means I'll actually have some space to figure out where the great tree cut down today can be put. Some bleach and a vacuum cleaner will dramatially improve the look of the house. And whatever can't be figured out and doesn't need to be tackled in the next few months will be stashed in the long closet upstairs to be sorted at some later date.

This morning I woke up and was beside myself. Tonight I am ready to take this thing one step at a time. The difference? Grace--from God and husband.

We are returned.

The house is a mess. But progress is being made.

Daniel is working hard.

I am a bit emotional about it all.

Soon. Very, very soon.

(The pregnant picture was taken two days ago and is to satisfy long-distance friends. It's not exactly my favorite photo!)

Buying a house is... overwhelming. As we left our lawyer's office, I felt so many differing emotions: excitement, remorse, loss, gain, and more. I cried. Before and after signing the papers. [Maybe this makes the fact that I bawled my eyes out the day after getting married less dramatic; or maybe it just makes me dramatic!] Right now, I'm more glad than sad, but right after the fact, I felt undone. You have to understand that for someone who hates debt and every sensation that accompanies being "the borrower" as much as I do, getting a $60,000 mortgage is a tough thing. The house and all the opportunities for blessing others that it will provide is worth the sacrifice--even the emotional one--but believe me when I say that we will be working hard to get this thing paid off in less than 15 years!

Upon arriving back here at my parents' [where I sat in the car for a few minutes and cried some more], my dear family had some blessings for us. They were all gathered in the dining room, calling out "Surprise!" and waiting to give us three house-warming gifts. Ryan and Danica bought us some wonderful bathroom fixtures that I'd been eyeing at every TJMaxx we stopped at throughout our Christmas shopping trip. Carina gave us matching bath towels that are softer and bigger than anything I've owned to date. And a beautiful, big mirror for our bedroom (which is currently "mirror-less") came from my parents.

Have I mentioned how good it is to have family? Well, it is. Because as I opened those gifts, I was able to get past some of the more "undoing" emotions and revel in the joy of owning a truly wonderful, dream-come-true home. I needed that.

And now Daniel is over at our house [it really is ours!!!!] finishing the stripping of the kitchen cabinets, which will need to be re-stained a different shade after we come back from Williamsburg, and painting the up-until-now-yellow walls an antique white. Tonight as I re-packed our suitcases for our 12-day trip, I felt a renewed sense of hope. I'm not going to be living out of those suitcases forever! The end is in sight! I am glad... so very, very glad.

Two weeks from today we will cut down our Christmas tree and bring it home. It will still be a few days after that before we actually move into the house because of some projects that need to get done, but when we do I will decorate for Christmas as I unpack boxes. And somehow, that sounds like a lot of fun even though the thought made me want to cry yesterday. It doesn't seem like too much work and instead seems to make the idea of Christmas all the more special. And let's face it: I know exactly where the stockings are going [what else did anyone think of when they saw pictures of the beautiful ballisters and railing on the living room stairs?!] and how the lights of the tree will look through the front windows. I've been mentally planning how the holidays and this house will go together since I saw the first pictures!

I now know why purchasing a home is listed as one of the major "stressers" in life. Add to that being [almost] 33 weeks pregnant and recently relocating 500+ miles from our last home, and you've got an easily-emotional Brietta! But it's good and wonderful. I wouldn't trade any of these "stressers" for anything. I would rather deal with challenge after challenge while knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am in His will than keep things calm and easy outside His plan. His grace is sufficient. It really, really is.

We're off to sign the papers that will officially make our house "ours". Yes!

Furniture needs the last painting touches, dressers need to be filled,
papers need to be signed, suitcases need to be [re]packed, errands need
to be run...  But I enjoyed spending this morning cleaning my
mom's kitchen and doing laundry instead of accomplishing any of those
things. Sometimes it's just nicer to pretend that life is simple. :)

But there does remain the reality that we are (along with our lawyer)
urgently trying to close on our house before we leave for Cortland, NY
on Wednesday--where we will spend Thanksgiving with the extended
Sinclair family--and from there drive down to Williamsburg, VA for a
family vacation. We won't be back until December 5th, after which we
will have some quick work to do on the house (painting the kitchen and
staining the kitchen cupboards darker) before trying to settle (ha ha) while
decorating for Christmas. I have a feeling I'll be more successful with
getting a tree decorated than with hanging pictures on the walls, since
I really haven't a clue as to how I want the rooms arranged.

Meanwhile, the pregnancy countdown continues and I have had a recent
reality check that we need to pick out baby names and that I need to
come up with a birth plan that works within the context of a hospital
and new doctor. Since August I have been telling myself that I don't
have to think about this baby's arrival until after we move in to our
house, but as the move-in date gets pushed back further and further, I
am further and further into this pregnancy! Less than eight weeks until
my due date... less than 10 weeks before the date I
have picked for baby #3's arrival. The necessity of preparation hadn't
really dawned on me until my doctor's appointment last week when my
doctor announced that the baby is head-down and looking settled that
way. Unbelievable.

I'm glad most all of my Christmas shopping is out of the way. It means
one less thing to think about; and though I really enjoy the process of
gift-giving, it is a tremendous blessing to have it taken care of.

Semester #1 is quickly finishing up. It won't be long before we bid
farewell to all the students until January 2006. I feel like I'm barely
getting to know them all, and now they're all getting ready to leave
for a while! Nonetheless, I think it's been a fruitful last seven
weeks--and I am so proud of Daniel. The demands on him have been great,
and he has risen to each challenge. We've had the joy of seeing a
prodigal student radically recommit his life to the Lord and another
student until-recently totally unfamiliar with the Gospel give her life
wholly to the Lord. Other students have gone from skepticism regarding
the Holy Spirit to being baptized and speaking in tongues. We're
quickly outgrowing meeting spaces and new prayer meetings are being
established on campuses. It's been a really wonderful two months thus
far, and I'm excited for what will happen in the future.

God has been faithful. It hasn't been the easiest of seasons, but it's
also been a really good one. In spite of challenges, both Daniel and I
have had a confidence that we are right where God would have us be and
that has given continual peace. He is caring for us and--more
importantly--He is caring for His Kingdom. I am learning to rest in Him
in a new way.

This morning I woke up and my heart felt sick--the sick that comes with
hope deferred. These last five hours have been a battle against giving
in to the feelings of exhaustion--exhaustion that runs much deeper than
any physical exhaustion can.

Sometimes I find myself walking in His supernatural strength, and I am
amazed. Those are the times when nothing can un-do me and no hurdle is
to great for me. And then there are days like November 18, 2005.

Today I want to give up. I wonder if life really does stretch on as
bleakly as it seems to at this very moment. I feel incapable and I have
no desire to improve. The task seems too great, the rewards too scarce.

Contentment.

Is He enough? He says He is. Will I believe? Will I take Him at His
word? Will I trust that He won't just at some point in the future be my
Provision, but that He is my Provision for this very moment?

I will. I do. I choose life in Him, knowing that disappointments and
difficulties will still come, but that He will walk with me through
every single one.

Today I am discouraged, but today I know in a new way that He is my Friend.

Having a potty-trained child is nice... until you're in the middle of purchasing a whole lot of groceries--your 15-month-old in the cart crying--and your toddler says, "Mama, I have to go potty!" in the frantic voice you know means you haven't much time.

Yeah.

Seven weeks ago I was talking to my mom... crying... not understanding...

I don't know whether to be angry with him or so, so sad for him. I don't know. I just don't know.

In the days that followed, I found some answers. I knew to be angry with satan and sin. I knew to be sad for them--for his family and for the ones whose lives will be altered more than I can even imagine. I even knew the reality of hope in Christ for him.

But now I know the hope of His redeeming blood in a way I never have. I see in her writings the truth that He can and does take the darkest of moments to shine so brightly. I look at the body and see how miraculously He raises us beyond any attempts of the enemy. I have seen and am seeing how amazing He really is.

1 John 1:1-4  That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked upon, and our hands have handled, concerning the Word of life-- the life was manifested, and we have seen, and bear witness, and declare to you that eternal life which was with the Father and was manifested to us-- that which we have seen and heard we declare to you, that you also may have fellowship with us; and truly our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ. And these things we write to you that your joy may be full.

Today has been a complete wash, kind of. But not. Because I actually got to rest.

Most days like this, I would be extremely frustrated. Not only would
little have been accomplished, but I would be more tired than I was to
begin with! After all, Gabriel and Bronwyn have little sympathy for my
exhaustion and never fail to have demands. But today, I slept. A lot.

At around 11:30am I fell asleep. I'd only sat down in the family room
with the kids, but that was where I made the mistake. Sure enough, I
crashed. For an hour. When I woke up, Carina had fed Gabriel and
Bronwyn lunch and put Bronwyn down for a nap. That was nice.

I got up, ate some lunch, cleaned a bit of the kitchen, and then laid
down again because I still felt terrible. I slept for another hour--at
least.

Yes, this is one of the great blessings of living with family. This
tired body's needs were met without adding more pressure to my husband.
And so I don't feel that the day was a total wash, because I was able
to do what I needed to do: sleep.

(My sisters are great.)

We are not in our new home yet. Everyday, it seems, we find out about
another peice of paperwork that the bank is waiting for. Today we've
learned that they are awaiting something to do with title insurance.
There's always something... always something.

Honestly, this has been a good season. For a two and a half months,
we've been "homeless"--and yet not. Through these past eleven weeks, I
have experienced, once again, the joy of being in family. I think I
understand a little bit better what He wants from us when He calls us,
as Christians, "family". While some in our situtation might have to
stay in cheap hotels or a dumpy and cramped month-to-month apartment,
we have been welcomed with open arms into our family's homes; we have
been cared for.

It's also been a lesson in patience and resting in His timing. There
are days when I am so frustrated. Less than a mile down the road, all
my belongings are sitting in boxes in a house I would very much like to
call home. Less than a mile down the road from there are the current
owners of that house who would very much like for us
to be the current owners. Over three months ago we were approved for
this mortgage. Over two months ago our couches arrived in that living
room. I would like to be there. I would like to have access to all our
winter clothes, and I would like those clothes to be in closets and
dressers instead of suitcases. I would like to set a table with the
dishes Mom bought me as a wedding gift (do you realize how long it's
been since I did that?!) and I would like to serve pasta in the great
pasta bowl I own (also another wedding gift). I would like to invite
the college girls over to my house instead of trying to find a place to
meet them. I would like to have guests stay in the "spare room". I
would like to curl up on my couch with that worn and familiar green
aphgan, my mug that Camilla painted in hand and filled with steaming
tea.

And yet, I'm not there. And while I long to remember afresh what life for our family--just us--looks like, I cannot ignore how much of a gift these last couple months have been.

So we wait. And learn. And adjust. And grow. And re-adjust.

It's good.

Wanting to see us all serve Him with more abandonment... Tired of the way we excuse our compromises... Wondering how long it will take for us to call entanglements what they are... Hoping He will break us out of the petty desires we accomodate much more quickly than His desires.

-----

I had a wonderful past two days with Mom and Danica. We shopped and shopped and shopped. Not only should non-shoppers be glad to have missed our trip, even most shoppers would probably be thrilled to not have been with us. Both Wednesday and Thursday our shopping days didn't end until the stores had closed and we literally could not accomplish another thing. With aching feet and sore legs/backs, we triumphantly arrived home--lots and lots of bags stashed all over the mini-van we traveled in. I might not hunt for deer or anything like that, but the past couple days were nothing less than setting out and conquering! I have a couple little things to continue looking for, but otherwise the shopping is completely done--complete with wrapping paper and ribbon. Now I just have to work on closing on the house that I would very much like to celebrate much of the holiday season in!

-----

A number of good friends from Pittsburgh gave me a gift before I moved up here, and then shortly after moving here a generous individual that I barely know gave me another gift. With these funds I have purchased all new bedding--down to decorative pillows--for my bed. I've never had the bedding I'd hoped for, so it has been extremely fun to pick everything out. I even have a set of flannel sheets along with beautiful Ralph Lauren cotton sheets (purchased at TJMaxx for a literal fraction of what they would have cost at a Ralph Lauren home store).

My next purchase item is a dresser--hopefully two, if I can find good deals--for the bedroom. Otherwise, the bed will the only nice looking thing in a room that has piles of clothing all over the floors. :)

-----

I am amazed at the goodness of God. He carries us through and above so many things that ought to be to our undoing. The more of life I see, the more heartache I witness, and the more opportunity to be amazed at God I have.

Check him out!

I sat in on a bed in the ER and the nurse commented on how ridiculous it is that doctors in the area don't keep Rhogam in their offices as it means patients visiting the ER to get a quick and simple shot. I couldn't have agreed more. The medical procedures and processes around here are something I would quickly change if I could. But the nurse was nice and only made me wait around 20 minutes instead of the usual 30 since she figured I would be fine as I've had the shot several times before and with no problems.

A visit to the grocery store followed. I like North Country grocery stores. They're nothing like trips to the Wal-Mart in North Versailles--something absolutely frightening and worth avoiding at all costs (literally!). The store here is small and the produce is fresh. I bought Cortland apples for $0.68/lb and picked up a gallon of milk for $1.99. As the cashier rang my groceries up, another employee bagged all the food and loaded my cart. Someone I knew came up and said hello as I made my purchases, and that is always pleasant. The whole experience is do-able and rather nice. I think I could even pull it off with three children under three years of age.

Tonight Louissa and I will make macaroni and cheese for dinner and Danica will make a yummy pumpkin cake. I bought bread and salad. Dad won't be here, but we'll still have family dinner. It will be nice.

In the meantime, I need to pull some food together for my husband, who is currently stripping old paint off our dining room chairs so that he can paint them black. His days off have been taken over with such projects, and I'm very appreciative for his efforts. I figure the least I can do is re-heat some soup or chili!

Oh yeah--the kids need to eat, too. Sometimes I forget... :)

The enemy has stolen. He has robbed over and over and over again. I look around and see the devastation--lives ravaged and broken, laid to waste, overwhelmed, confounded and stunned.

And yet...

There is One who came to restore the years that the locust has eaten. There is One whose death won for us a victory that nothing--nothing--can take away. There is One who rose from the grave and defeated our foe on our behalf.

This weekend as I listened to hundreds of young people's voices rising in song, tears filled my eyes. With wet cheeks and a humbled heart, I joined in:

How great is our God
Sing with me, How great is our God
All will see how great
How great is our God

I'm heading out of town for the weekend with husband and a whole lot of college students. My children will stay here with family while I am gone. I think it will be a very good time--even just because it will be a weekend shared with Daniel. Between church and children and [now] home demands, it is far too easy for Daniel and I to become people who work toward common goals together but fail to simply be together.

Whenever I am gone, I miss Gabriel and Bronwyn so much. At times I can be so frustrated by the lack of personal space and time alone in motherhood, but most of the time I am incredibly grateful for their companionship. They are a constant in my life, and one I am very grateful for. It's hard to imagine a day when there aren't little ones needing me. I think not having to stay home with small children will be much harder than having to stay home with them.

I don't particularly like starting trips as tired as I am this morning, but tonight and tomorrow night I'll be the youngest person sleeping in my hotel room.

At any rate, suitcases are packed. Clothes for the kids are laid out to make dressing them each morning simpler. I will miss my first Sunday as [again] a member of CFC. Gabriel will play drums in the front row and cry about going to the toddler nursery. Bronwyn will fall asleep on someone's shoulder (probably Carina's) during worship and then be happy to explore the dolls and kitchen sets in the infant nursery. I will be a couple hours away, sharing in a what should be a wonderful experience in the Lord with Daniel and students.

A walk by myself--a whole mile worth of thoughts and prayer and quiet. The wind that made me struggle physically brought a release emotionally. I needed some time. I needed a chance to tell the Lord of my disappointments... ask for His forgiveness... experience His grace... be renewed in hope. To some, it may have seemed as though it was just a 15-minute jaunt around this little town I now call home; but to me, it was His presence--so available if I will only make myself available--felt and known.

I enjoyed taking a walk/jog around town this morning.

I did not enjoy waking up.

I enjoyed drinking a steaming cup of hot chocolate.

I did not enjoy saying goodbye to Daniel.

I enjoyed watching Gabriel play "drums" with washable markers.

I did not enjoy the round of increasingly painful Braxton-Hicks.

I enjoyed reading my little guys a few stories.

I did not enjoy being cold even after coming in from outdoors.

Another beautiful fall day. I love this time of year. I love 60-degree weather with the sun shining so brightly it's hard to see far down the street. I love leaves on the ground and leaves being burned. I love crisp breezes and fresh air. I love a cold nose and hot tea.

I went out to run a couple errands this morning all by myself. Funny how much I appreciate a lot more of the little things in life now. For example, I took as long as I wanted to looking at things in stores without a single small child whining to leave or touching things on racks and shelves, and I didn't take it for granted. I got in and out of the van without unbuckling carseats and carrying a big diaper bag, and I noticed the ease of such activities. I carried the few items I was purchasing in my arms because I didn't have to push a cart or stroller, and I enjoyed doing so thoroughly.

Being a mom is so wonderful; I wouldn't trade my job--my role--as mom to Gabriel and Bronwyn for anything in the world. But occasional opportunities to remember my status as a human being are special. It was nice to have a moment today.

It's not yet 6pm, but it's very dark outside. I am home with two very tired little people, one who is currently asleep (and I hope not at the expense of my own sleep later tonight!) and one who is currently watching That Thing You Do--the fallback whenever he is grumpy, wound-up, or exhausted. Does anyone else feel like it's time for bed???

I'm missing LIFE Group... bummer.

This afternoon we went over to the Story's for lunch. It was so fun! I love spending time with people! It's fun to host, but it's also very fun to be "hosted". Other than going to Daniel's parents and Joe and Stacie's, Daniel and I have never gone to anyone's to share a Sunday afternoon. It was really very, very enjoyable. In Gabriel's words (spoken as we drove away), "I like Mrs. Story's. I want to go back!"

I love people who love Jesus. It is so good to do anything--laugh, talk, worship, watch TV, whatever!--while sharing Him as a foundation. I am so grateful for the communion I have with the Father because of what Jesus did for me; how much more amazing is it that I am also given fellowship with brethren through His sacrifice?

Oh yeah...

I tag Jamie, Nathan, Sarah, Elizabeth, and Esther.