I think so hard my heart and mind start to hurt because somewhere along the lines of thinking, I forgot What made me start thinking in the first place.

Oh yeah. Grace.

Yesterday and today, there is one resonating thought within me, and with it comes great peace and hope:

There is a vast difference between I need to change, and I need to be changed by You.

As I was doing errands the other day, the same Fear--masquerading itself in perhaps different scenarios but the same, nonethless--crept up on me. I found tears smarting in my eyes and an ache in the deepest part of me. And, even more, I felt frustrated. Frustrated because I was supposed to have changed; because I was supposed to be past this; because I oughtn't be dealing with the same old same old... right?

But, oh yeah. Grace.

Enough of trying to make it different; of saying words that aren't meant; of being brave when I'm really scared. Enough of the me efforts. Time for Him.

This has been His theme for me this year. A simple one, yes, but one of the hardest I've encountered. I like things to be ordered and--may I be honest?--when it comes to me and mine, I usually only trust myself to make things right if they are wrong.

But, oh yeah. Grace.

In that fear-filled moment, I stopped racking my brain for the perfect Scripture and, instead of rebuking anything or anyone or trying to fill the hallow I felt with positive confession, I found myself simply praying, Jesus, You are my Peace. Jesus, You are my Peace. Jesus, You are my Peace.

And you know what? He is. He was for me right then. He'll be for me in the night-hours that may haunt me once again. He'll be for me when I'm alone, and He'll be for me when I'm surrounded.

He said that He will change me.