Wake up and run out the door to a WIC appointment, travel mug in hand. Return home to a stinky house (reason #304 to potty-train Bronwyn) to wolf down some food before the day officially begins for me. Nurse the baby. Cut the nursing-session short because Gabriel is repeatedly calling for my help from the bathroom. Find that Bronwyn has helped herself to my eye-liner while I was nursing the baby and is covered with brown pencil marks. Stick the baby in his carseat so I can help Gabriel and then bathe the older two (that's how covered Bronwyn was, and they needed it anyway). Dry and dress the older two while the baby cries and cries--he's still hungry, after all. Turn PBS on to entertain the older two (and try not to feel guilty about already resorting to such measures) while I finish nursing the baby. Burp the baby and lay him down for his [late] morning nap. Throw a load of laundry in the washer. Track down sippy cups with the intention of filling them so Gabriel will stop whining about not having a drink and snack to go with his TV-time. Get distracted by how dirty the refrigerator shelves are, and wipe down the refrigerator. Light some candles in the kitchen because there is a rotten smell coming from the food disposal in the sink and it's too cold to open windows. Realize Gabriel is still crying about a drink, and fill the sippy cups that are sitting on the kitchen counter. Get socks for the kids, because I forgot to get them when I grabbed their clothes during bathtime.

*sigh*

Sometimes I feel like I run around and around for no true gain.

OK--a lot of times I feel like I run around and around for no true gain.

I have been struggling with not feeling frustrated or aimless. There is often a big part of me that resents the fruitlessness I feel as I go about my days, and I can't help but ask, "Why, oh why, does this have to be part of the curse?!"

But He has redeemed me, and He has given me the power to redeem the time--to seize the opportune moments that I happen upon [and regularly miss] throughout each and every day. When I am being busy and feeling hopelessly distracted from the "important" things, I am either doing just that and needing to direct my days rather than having my days direct me, or I am failing to see the long-term fruit that my efforts will one day produce.

Some days feel less productive than others. Some days I wonder if other people ever have days that feel as pointless as mine. (I know they do... but I don't, if you know what I mean.) Some days I cling to believing that no one's life is as meaningless as my own--because that gives me a right to self-pity, of course. Some days really do stink and I have to get past that.

Regardless, He hasn't called me to measure my effectiveness by another's production/ fruitfulness or lack thereof. He has given me a certain number of talents... responsibilities... challenges... resources. The real question is whether or not I am using them, and whether or not I am redeeming the time--seizing the opportune moments--He has allotted me.