It is easy for my heart to feel heavy. I am having to learn in a new way how to lay my burdens at the foot of the Cross, knowing that He longs to share His peace, victory, and joy with me in place of them. One of the ways I can do this is by telling others, and I so share these requests and find comfort in the knowledge that there are many who, as the faithful Body of Christ, are willing to stand with me.
- Aubrey's respiratory rate has been extremely high this afternoon and evening. She is consistently coming in around 90-100 breaths per minute, whereas babies are expected to breathe about 40-60 breaths a minute. We had our best nursing session yet at 1:30pm today (she actually latched on for a minute or two), but since then we haven't been allowed to nurse because her respiratory rate is so much higher than they are looking for. (The doctors have said they will accept 80 breaths per minute because of her heart condition, but are worried that anything higher could mean she will aspirate breastmilk into her lungs.) I so want to see her body at peace, and I also am anxious to make progress with feedings so that we can go home.
- This morning Aubrey had another echocardiogram (sonogram of the heart) and we should find out the results tomorrow. The waiting is hard.
- I miss my other children more than I can say. I know they are being loved on and cared for wonderfully by Grandma, but it is so incredibly hard to be away from them. My mama-heart struggles during the times when I am neither with them or with Aubrey.
- I want to keep my hope ever in the Lord and His power and not in reports or procedures. The temptation to forget Who has kept and is keeping Aubrey is ever present, but I am learning that there is only true peace when my heart looks to Him.
Thanks again for praying. It means more than I can say.
Thinking of you in this very tough time......
ReplyDeleteOh, Bri. We share this heavy burden with you and Daniel. As I read this entry, my mother's heart ached for you. I know that you long to be with all your babies under one roof. Please know that we (the Body of Christ) will continue to pray fervently for the Paladin family. Keep looking to Jesus. He will never fail you. Never.
ReplyDeleteI love you,
Jude
Brietta, my heart is heavy for you and my prayers are with you and your little girl, with your husband and your other children. May God's deepest blessings, the presence of His Spirit rest oh so closely on you tonight.
ReplyDeleteoh brietta, my heart goes out to you. we spent many many many many days going to the NICU while kayla spent her 10 weeks there. it is not an easy thing to do, but i know for us, we just kept saying, "God never gives us more than we can handle" -- not that it made it any easier, but helped us to take a little comfort in the situation at hand. you are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteYou are being so brave and cheerful in spite of your tough circumstances. I am proud of you!
ReplyDeleteI remember Ted and I driving in the middle of the night to Burlington to be with Claire. We had to leave our other children at home including her sister who was very very distressed. Though she was not physically hurt, she too had been in a car accident and I definitely felt so torn not to be able to be in two places at once. It was moments like those that I was reminded that they were created by Him and for Him. Ultimately He allowed the trial not just for me but for them as well. I needed to remind myself that His grace was there for them. He would never leave them nor forsake even when I had to go back and forth leaving one or the other. We want so much to do it all, be it all. We want to be able to someday say, I never failed them but then where would the glory go? The storm at times seems unbearable. Grim faced and cautious doctors understandably give out the acceptable numbers they are looking for. But God is always bigger. Always. Do you know how close Clarie was to being paralyzed from the waist down? On the day of the accident, I was shopping at the hardware store when she was incoherent and trapped in the back of a little blue car. The first person who arrived at the scene was a neighbor who happened to be a paramedic and knew immediately that Claire was not to stand up but to be placed on a stretcher and strapped so she could not move. Weeks later when Claire had lumbar #4 removed and two titanium rods put in its place, first the surgeon had to very carefully remove the splinters of the damaged lumbar that were pressing against a nerve in her spine. The diameter of a nerve is less than the thickness of a sheet of paper. I remember sitting in the hospital telling myself, "Even when I did not know she needed protection, You protected her, God." I would not want for anything to stand again at the side of my child seeing her in so much pain. But she would be the first to tell you how God was with her, how He used the accident for good and how great is her testimony. I will pray for grace for you to watch your little girl suffer, for faith that He will use it for good, and for hope of the joy set before you when she loves Him at an early age because she has a testimony of His faithfulness before she was even born.
ReplyDeleteI'll be praying that Aubrey's respiratory rate goes down to 40-60 bpm and stays steady there and that she'll be able to nurse and nurse effectively. My prayers are also for her heart to be completely healed and for continual comfort and strength for you and Daniel.
ReplyDeleteIn your weakness, God will strengthen you and lift you up. You are a terrific mom and your heart for God is a tremendous blessing. He will never fail you.
We are praying with you and for you. With love from NC, Q
ReplyDeleteOh Brietta -my heart is aching for you! I know that our ever faithful, Almighty God is going to use all of this for His glory! Keep looking to Him to be your Rock! Your faithfulness is such an example to us all!
ReplyDeleteI Love You!
Melisa
I can't imagine your anguish in these days, but I'm praying for you and standing with you in faith that God will heal your precious girl. I've also been praying that you would be able to rest and heal, yourself - I know how tough these post-surgery days can be. May God continue to hold you up in strength and courage!!
ReplyDeleteLike I said when I wrote you, Brietta, (and I know you are doing this,this is just some extra encouragement) just keep listening to His report. His good report. When the Israelites spied out the land there seemed to be a lot of scary looking, big people, big obstacles in the way. In light of all that they say they forgot Him and His report. God said the land was theirs but they believed what they saw and heard in the physical and not what God was saying. Joshua and Caleb saw but they believed in God's report, not the one that their own minds came up with, not the report the other men were giving...no, they heard God's report.
ReplyDeleteI know when the doctors come in it's hard not to get discouraged at various reports they give you, so you just need to keep repeating, "BUT, God said....." Because we know that God has said he will protect the children and save the children of those who love and serve Him. And God works ALL things together for good for those who love and serve Him. Press into God with all you have during this time and know many are standing with you when you don't think you have the strength. God will lift you up!
One of Kara's first questions when she walks into the house after school is "Has Brietta updated?". We are all praying over here and I love how we can be so specific in those requests thanks to your faithful updates.
ReplyDeleteWhen Bethany was in the NICU, the one thing God kept saying to me was "she's not yours, she's Mine", and it made such a difference for me to realize that He wasn't just concerned with me and how I hoped things would turn out, He was interested in my baby... His baby...and that it wasn't my job to make things better, it was His. I know only a small part of what you're going through, but I know that circumstances can seem devastating at times and, as you know, He has to be your strength and hope. I am reminded of the man Jesus healed who was born blind at birth, and when asked whether the man or his parents had sinned, Jesus replied that neither had, but that the man was born blind so that God may be glorified (in his healing). I believe God will also use Aubrey's struggles (and your own) to bring Himself great glory.
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