The Rollercoaster

Last night, I was feeling a bit discouraged and disappointed. I hadn't been able to nurse Aubrey all day because of her respiratory rate, we hadn't talked with any cardiologists in several days, and our nurse was just plain old difficult. The Lord had to remind me that the battle is not about breastfeeding vs. gavage feeding or a great nurse vs. an unpleasant one and that He is in control.

Today, we arrived at Aubrey's bedside at 10:30am to find that at her 7:30am feeding she had been breathing slow enough to get a bottle instead of being fed by through a tube and the nurse was setting up for me to nurse her right then. This alone was a huge victory as Daniel and I were both feeling about ready to go to bat on this issue and the Lord was very clearly showing us that He is ready and willing to go to bat for us.

In addition, there was a lactation consultant around and she was able help Aubrey and I tremendously. Let me tell you, trying to teach a baby with a heart condition who has IVs in her armpit pumping nutrients into her body 24/7 how to breastfeed is very different than my past experiences, and having someone with some tricks up her sleeve helping us made a huge difference.

On top of that, I was able to nurse Aubrey again at 1:30pm! This is the first time I've been able to nurse her two feedings in a row. She did amazingly well both times and-- wonder of wonders-- she actually breathes much more slowly and calmly while nursing than any other time.

All of this was after talking with one of the cardiologists on the phone first thing this morning and finding out that they (the cardiologists here) are so unconcerned about Aubrey right now, they didn't even end up discussing her yesterday when they conferenced with the pediatric surgeon! They truly feel that she is stable and have every hope of seeing her come home to grow and get stronger before they would operate on her.

And this evening we had two more visitors stop in and share a meal with us and pray with us. They gave us great encouragement and their words truly built up our faith.

So, yes, life in the NICU is very much a rollercoaster ride, with things looking very dismal one day and then very hopeful the next. And yet God remains faithful in it all, and prayerfully Daniel and I are learning to be less directed by what goes on around us and more by His Word, which is always good.