Transitions

My 24 short years alive by no means make me an expert on transitions. And 1 marriage, 2 significant moves and 3 kids later, I'm beginning to understand that I will never be able to predict the challenges and joys that accompany any and every transition.

Motherhood is certainly a major transition. I remember one night when Gabriel was about 5 or 6 months old and I was growing very weary of not sleeping, I really had to come to terms with the fact that I couldn't just bow out of this particular ministry, even for a short time. My Ministry Head wouldn't accept my, "I'm sorry; I'm just really burned out right now and feel I need a break." Nope, I was in this for the long-haul, for better or for worse and regardless of its implications on my life. My needs vs. another's needs took on a whole new meaning. (I might refer to motherhood as "forced sanctification.")

Perhaps it was my delight in being a mom, though, that made the 0-1 children transition an over-arching incredibly delightfulful time. I like to think so, anyway--especially since the bliss of motherhood is my only excuse for not even bothering to lose the last 10 baby pounds before getting pregnant again.

Many moms and dads have told me that 3 children is the most difficult transition. A few, like me (for now), say that 2 is very hard. My mom will console moms of 4 with her own experience of 4 children being the most challenging season as a mother. Pretty much everyone with 5+ children tells me it only gets easier as you grow wiser. My personal research in gathering these opinions tells me that the age of the oldest child often indicates the nature of the transition the most. For example, if your oldest is 7+ when the 4th child is born, chances are #2 or #3 child will hold the record for Most Challenging Transition, regardless of how many more kids you add. (My siblings and I--the first 4 of 9--were 4 children ages 5 and under, which explains a lot of my growing esteem for my mom.)

In other words: you want your kids feeding and dressing themselves as soon as possible, as this will make your life indescribably simpler.

When Bronwyn joined our family, I was breathless with joy. Two kids made us feel so much like a family, and to have a daughter of my very own? Well, words just don't do justice to the feelings I felt. To add to the joy, there wasn't an ounce of sibling jealousy on Gabriel's part. Sure, my boy had a hard time adjusting to the fact that I was no longer his sole possession nor my time his alone to spend, but that realization was bound to come at some point, with or without the birth of a sweet little girl.

I figured, I did this once, I can do it again. And I did: I got through those first 6 months with two children.

But it wasn't easy and it wasn't pretty.

There were lots of challenges and they were all found in the little things; the unexpected things. Like how to take a shower. When Gabriel was a baby, he sat in his bouncy chair (sometimes crying) while I showered. When he got old enough, I would bring some toys into the bathroom and he would play during those ever-shortened showers, which provided good incentive to keep the bathroom clean. But suddenly there were two little people to occupy for 5 whole minutes, and the one who would naturally fit in the bouncy seat category might get hurt by her overly-attentive older brother if I left her unattended with him. Who knew trying to take a shower could be so incredibly stressful???

Sure, I'll agree with most that 3 kids is more work than 2. (That doesn't take rocket science to figure.) And I will be the first to tell you that I cried a lot when I first knew I was pregnant with Jack. (They weren't all happy tears.) I was fearful and unsure about adding another child to our home. Imagine my shock to have found the last 10 months easier in may ways than the prior 10!

For now, it's been in the little things that life with 3 (the first 2 getting older being a key in this equation) has been simpler. I was ready for the big stuff to be hard, so when the big stuff has been hard, I've been ready. But after those first months with Bronwyn, I was ready for the little things to really be a challenge, too... and they haven't been.

For example: Yesterday as I was putting Jackson down for bed, which he was putting up a significant fight about, it dawned on me that I wasn't even worried about my 2 kids downstairs putting puzzles together. I had a flashback to similar moments when Bronwyn was a baby. I had a noisy almost-2-year-old by my side since I couldn't trust him to stay out of the toilet, etc., and it made lulling the infant in her crib to sleep an arduous task. Let me tell you, sibling accountability can be a very beneficial thing. Maybe it's just my own kids that have a tendancy toward "tattling." For sure and for certain, if one does something wrong, I will hear a loud and offended cry from the other--even if the offense was far from personal. This can be extremely helpful when I am in the other room or, say, showering.

All I know is that I ought to stop trying to predict. I end up borrowing trouble over some things and then getting blindsided by others.

This, my friends, is my conclusion on transitions.

(To satisfy my curiousity, let's take a poll: Is 0-1, 2-3, or 3-4 the most challenging transition as a mom, in your humble opinion?!)