The first line of the song I posted on Saturday continues to capture my mind. His fathering heart is incomprehensible to me. I think I will only grasp His heart toward me when I see Him face to face.

Sometimes I get so caught up in thinking I have to figure this thing called life out; I have to read enough books, listen to and absorb every available sermon, make the right decision more than the wrong one, punish myself when I've messed up, master motherhood and servanthood and Body life. I so want to be a disciple. I so want to learn Him and His ways. And I don't think this desire is altogether wrong.

But He is my Father.

He wants to teach me. He wants to show me. He's not expecting for a minute that I will know how and what to do the first time. He gave the Holy Spirit because He knows that this feeble mind and heart can only do so much before the Spirit must take over.

Why do I try to teach myself? Why do I seek to do life in my own strength? When mothering is exhausting and there is little joy for me in the day-to-day, why do I try to fix it myself? I end up feeling condemned and worthless.

Your grace is enough...

The question is, will I let it be? Will I let Him be my Father? Will I rest in the knowledge that He knows more than me... sees more than me... loves more than me... forgives more than me?--or will I ever struggle to fix myself?

You are God in heaven and here am I on earth...

He is my Father. I am His daughter. His salvation redeems me completely. I will let Him be God. I will let Him teach me. I will let Him wrestle this heart. He is my Father.