It's true that each pregnancy is different. But this one is so different I don't even feel like it can be in the same category as the previous ones.
(And maybe I'm pretty different, too. I've now been through some experiences as a mom that have certainly shaped me.)
- This is the first time I've faced the gnawing possibility of a c-section. Up until a couple hours before Aubrey's birth, I simply never really entertained the thought. Sure, precautions about how an emergency c-section would be handled were always addressed in my birth plan, but never given more attention than that. While I'm very upbeat about a natural birth this time around, I guess I'm also more aware of the chances of a c-section-- and what exactly that entails-- than I ever was before.
- I'm considered "high risk." Me. The girl who didn't get medical attention until 4 days post-miscarriage (and only after very strong urging by our pastor/retired nurse), who declined all but 2 internal exams prior to labor in 4 pregnancies, who delivered a baby in the sac because I'm so adamantly against the artificial rupture of membranes, who preferred going 42+ weeks in pregnancy than to even having my membranes stripped, who would be happy seeing midwives instead of doctors for the rest of my life, etc. I now see an OB who likes his medical procedures a lot. Fortunately he genuinely seems to understand where I'm coming from and also that I am more likely to high-tail it to a hospital and doctor who will do things naturally than to agree to his procedures. And God really is giving me the grace to see beyond my preferences so that I can be very grateful for this doctor who is gladly agreeing to give me a trial of labor.
- Now that I'm beyond the throwing-up stage, I forget I'm pregnant. Often. For days at a time, actually. And even in spite of the quickly-protruding belly.
- I've only gained 3lbs so far (which is a good 5-7lbs less than I've usually gained at 16 weeks), but I still got a bit of a reprimand for it. For the first time ever, instead of being in the 28-42lb weight gain goal range (which I've only barely reached in 2 of my 4 pregnancies), I am being asked to keep my weight gain between 15 and 20lbs. It's a new experience to have a doctor actually care about how much I'm gaining in pregnancy.
- Next month I've been told I should have a genetic consultation at the perinatal center in Syracuse. I'm not sure what the point of this conversation is, other than that it's basically required by insurance and gives parents an opportunity to terminate the pregnancy if they get too scared about the possibility of having a baby with some sort of "defect." Bottom line: if they can't schedule it for the same day as Aubrey's cardiology appointment, I'll probably decline it. (Just for the record, this is not the fetal echocardiogram that I'll have done between 22 and 25 weeks to check on the baby's heart; declining the fetal echo would be quite foolish of me since our local hospital is far from equipped to deal with babies like Aubrey.)
But God has done a work in my heart and I am absolutely 100% confident that He will be with us.
No matter the kind of delivery.
Whether this baby is perfectly healthy at birth or not.
At every appointment and each day inbetween.
As I try my hardest to prepare for the best delivery possible.
In the end, so what if things are different? So what if not everything lines up with my ideals?
God is with me.
What else really matters?
I loved reading all your current-pregnancy thoughts! And I admire you for how well you're handling the "I really don't want to be CUT!" reality. I look back and realize how immature I was at times in that regard. It looked like the classic textbook temper tantrum and I totally needed a spanking!
ReplyDeleteCan I just add that this pregnancy is like NONE I have ever had?
Six or seven times did I toss my cookies.
There were days during my previous pregnancies I would hug the toilet 6 times in the middle of the night! And then again six times before lunch!
I have really enjoyed feeling great.
Let me add one more thing...
WAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I DON'T WANT TO GET FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My midwife has a website that she maintains as a reference and info source for natural birthing. I just did a quick search for vbac and found a bunch of stuff. Anyway, it might take you to some resources that would be helpful:gentlebirth.org
ReplyDeleteOut of curiosity, did your doctor give a reason for the restricted weight gain 'allowance'? I have never heard of any sort of recommendation like that except for women who are quite overweight going into the pregnancy. Boy am I glad my doctors have never tried to hold me to such a low weight gain (I gained at least 50 pounds in each pregnancy)...but the good news is that VBAC is still possible with weight gain, though I do think it's best to be on the doctor's good side going into the delivery :).
ReplyDeleteAlso wondering why he would restrict you to so few pounds gained during the pregnancy when you are not starting with a lot to begin with?
ReplyDeleteWow, things have changed ... my doc recommended 20-25 pounds total weight gain. I cried the one visit when I gained 8 pounds in 1 month (T-giving and C-mas were in between, and it was closer to 5-6 weeks).
ReplyDelete@LisaMCriscitello - Don't get me wrong, I really don't want to be cut!!!! Boy oh boy, have I shed my own share of tears about the c-section that happened and how it impacts me for the rest of my childbearing life. Wow. I think the thing I struggled with a lot those first 8 weeks or so was doubting that God could be as faithful to me when the odds are more against me as He has been in the past, which is a big fat lie, of course. And I know the battle for my emotions and mind will really hit once we approach d-date, but I'm trusting that between Daniel's constant encouragements and reminders ("Has God failed to provide what you need yet?") and the Holy Spirit that I will be victorious.
ReplyDelete@loribruehle - @cjbeinetti - I had consults with the 2 doctors locally who will consider VBACs (I am focusing on being grateful for there even being 2, but part of me is still in shock over where medicine is at today) and both told me they would want a restricted weight gain because of my history of big babies. In both their minds, that is the biggest obstacle going against me. 1 of the doctors also felt my history of going overdue as the big obstacle-- which makes sense since she schedules c-sections for 40w1d in VBAC scenarios-- while the other is hopeful that this baby will be delivered naturally before 41w, which is his "cut off" in VBAC scenarios (he already knows-- and even recommended-- that I make arrangements with a doctor in Syracuse in the event that I go beyond 41w so that I can simply be down there for the delivery, where they are much more comfortable with VBACs due to their much better facility and staffing). Does that answer your question?
ReplyDelete@loribruehle - P.S. Yes, Lori, I told the doctor quite candidly that I couldn't make any guarantees (which he chuckled about, naturally) but that I would do my best; my hope is to absolutely convince him that I will do whatever it takes for a VBAC.
ReplyDelete@Slatemaster - It all depends on your BMI going into pregnancy these days. Because I have a somewhat low BMI, I have been encouraged to gain 28-42lbs in the past. A woman with a Normal Weight BMI is encouraged to gain 25-35lbs. Someone Overweight is encouraged to gain 15-25lbs. So it varies at this point. None of my doctors/midwives in the past have even really paid attention, though. The doctor who cared for me when I was pregnant with Aubrey told me she goes by how the weight gain effects the woman post-pregnancy. If it comes off fairly easily over time, she considers it "necessary" weight, regardless of how much it might have been. I tend to like that approach as it makes sense to me. That said, most doctors put a lot of stock in numbers. Oh well.
ReplyDelete@danicasinclair - I just pulled up some of the articles; thanks for linking. I love reading this stuff. Most of it looks similar so far to things I've read (which is perhaps why I'm not at all nervous about the actual VBAC and am just nervous about not getting it!!). Always nice, though I have do have to admit that part of keeping my perspective is limiting how much I read specifically related to VBACs and the US because it can feed the fury I too easily feel about our current "system." Guess that just proves there's a whole lot more sanctification I need!
ReplyDelete@Slatemaster - Haha! I just proof-read my entry (this is the problem with writing and then not looking at a computer for several hours afterwards!) and realized I accidentally typed *38* instead of *28* as the lower number for the weight gain. No wonder it seemed so extravagant and I confused us both!! Oops. I've corrected it now.
ReplyDeleteI gained about 17-20 with Alan and Joy and they were still 8lb 5 oz and 8lb 4oz.....I gained 35lbs with Matthew and he was 8lb 7oz.....I wonder how much our weight gain really has to do with it? You are so skinny, I would think you need to gain what makes you feel good. I was overweight with Alan and Joy so I didn't want to gain more.
ReplyDelete@Newshoundfortruth - That's the funny thing; both doctors recognize that weight gain doesn't have much to do with it in the end. That said, in order to gain less, I'm having to really cut back on how much refined sugar/flour I have, which may have a big impact on the baby's size. We'll see. It's an experiment-- and one I doubt will help a whole lot! (The reality is that I actually gained the LEAST in any of my pregnancies with Bronwyn, who happened to weigh almost 1-1/2lbs MORE than any of my others.)
ReplyDeleteI think sometimes the drs try to play God. Let Him tell you what to eat! He kept you from taking antibiotics when you were first pregnant with Aubrey and didn't know it yet...
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about not being cut and crying a lot about it. When I was pregnant with my first I was so afraid I would have to have a c-section. It was my worst fear and, well, it came true! My baby was "stuck" and after 24 hours plus of labor with no progress it was time for a c-section. I was so afraid but God showed me that there is nothing I should fear as His child! I have now had 3 c-sections and haven't enjoyed any of them but God has given me peace about it. And it's not so bad with that new baby in your arms! :) C-sections are really hard and no one can really know unless they've been through it. But, I'm confident that you will have a vbac because the c-section was only due to Aubrey's medical conditions. Not your own. Stay healthy and exercise and above all trust that He know exactly what the outcome will be and it's safely in His hands! Congrats on the pregnancy!
ReplyDeletewow i totally just read all of your comments about weight gain- mostly because i am worried about my own=) but i have never heard of enouraging only 15lbs gain for a baby! i know with estelle i was only at about 15lbs when i was 8mos pregnant but i gained almost 5 in the last month. now this pregnancy i've refused to get on our home scale because i know, even if i haven't gained yet that my stomach is sticking out of my shirts!!! i will see what i weigh at my apt @ the end of the month...but i am trying to not think about it since i am still nursing estelle and i get so shaky if i don't eat on schedule=) anyways i always enjoy a good pregnancy post;)
ReplyDeleteyou are blessed to have had 3 natural births before your c-section!! My first one was a c-section so the likelihood of needing more is likely!! Plus... around here no one will do v-bacs unless it's about an hour away.... even in the bigger more efficient hospitals they won't do them.. once a dr. has had a rupture he pretty much doesn't do them anymore and that's the case with most of them... I'm planning on having to have c-sections with the rest... but the dr. told me that he will do up to 4-5 sections... which is where we wanted to be # wise with kiddos anyways!!! I'm praying for you that all goes well, that you go before 41 weeks and that you are successful in your vbac!! love you!!
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