Suddenly

Suddenly spring (summer?!) has sprung upon us and this mama is frantically searching through boxes of clothing for season-appropriate apparel for my children. It seems everyone has gaping holes this year, in spite of my best efforts to hang onto good hand-me-downs. (I just want to know who stole all our shorts!)

I pawed through the box of children's shoes in the kids' closet this morning, desperate for something for Aubrey to wear on our excursion to the park besides her brown T-straps. (How do I not even have a pair of sneakers for the poor baby?) The sandals Bronwyn wore at Aubrey's age are size 5s and absolutely huge on her. They were laughable, actually.

So I crammed her cute feet in the sandals Bronwyn wore when she was a year old: size 2 sandals from Walmart. Thank goodness that three years ago I was in too much of a rush to look for closed-toe shoes!

But such scrumptious little toes, don't you think?!

:: Misc.

:: Last night concluded a series of prophetic presbytery meetings at church. I love these annual meetings so much. I especially love the way I walk away feeling more encouraged and equipped than ever to fight the good fight, serve with no motive other than pleasing the Lord, give gladly and sacrificially of myself and my time and my resources, tangibly love the brethren, and live with a worldwide and eternal perspective.

:: Aubrey is getting her bottom incisors along with her bottom 2-year molars. She is cranky and miserable. I am trying to remind myself that I've lived through this 3 times already and that it doesn't last forever. ('Member that whole eternal perspective thing? Yeah...)

:: Daniel brought Chinese food home for dinner tonight. This is the second time this pregnancy that I've totally caved into a craving. The funny thing is that by the time he got home, I had made myself very sick feeling by running the self-cleaning cycle on the oven all afternoon and stinking the house up.

At least Daniel and the kids really enjoyed the food.

And there are lots of leftovers in the fridge for tomorrow when I'm starving.

:: The fabric for the window valances arrived the other day and it is beautiful. I'm so excited. I think the room will instantly feel so much more put-together once they're done-- and I know it will be quieter! (At present, there aren't many fabrics in that room to help absorb the sounds that bounce all around the cathedral ceiling). My friend is making them for me, which is tremendously awesome of her. The only valances I found to buy that I really liked were $115/each. Purchasing fabric I like was, um, a lot (!!) cheaper.

This is the valance I liked that I then found a pattern similar to.



This is the fabric.

:: I'm several months behind in mailing out birthday gifts to relatives and a baby gift to a friend. I don't know why I always forget to go to the post office. I never forget to return things to the library, but I always forget to mail things. Maybe if Daniel started charging me late fees, I would remember...?

Thoughts on schooling

Gabriel and I finished his social studies and science textbooks quite some weeks ago, but I've done my best to pace math, reading, and handwriting so that he has work to do until June. It's good for him as he really enjoys the time at the table and I appreciate the focus it gives him for even just a small portion of the day. But today, the outdoors were calling and Aubrey is needing me an extra lot, so after completing a couple pages of math, I popped rainboots on Gabriel, Bronwyn, and Jackson and sent them out to play.

It's true: Gabriel is not completing pages in a textbook at this very moment and some might very well say that he is not "doing school," but he is learning and exploring and gaining a great deal, even now.

1. He is appreciating the outdoors-- the world God has created and the place in it He has put him.
2. He is building relationship with his brother and sister-- learning to love and lead and watch out for them.
   
3. He is getting fresh air and better exercise than any gym class could afford him-- one only needs to watch him for a few minutes to know this!
4. He is learning to work-- we give him "jobs" like raking the dirt in the garden beds, covering the groundhog holes with sticks and large rocks, picking up garbage the pedestrians who walk by frequently toss into our yard *pause for a moment while I repent for my anger about this*, and watering the tulips.

I'm not saying there isn't a time for sitting down at a table and working through a list of arithmetic problems, or sounding out letters and putting them together into words, or reading about people who live in other countries and eat different food, or cutting and pasting paper to create something, or practicing for the hundredth time how to properly write a "q"-- because there certainly is!-- but simply that schooling, education, is so much more than what we often think of. And I love that homeschooling allows me to see that for myself, day in and day out.

For a kindergarten student, learning how to dust the table and gently handle Mom's breakable decorations is an important kind of learning. Folding laundry is another one. More: speaking kindly, repenting and extending forgiveness, laughing and playing together as a family, sharing, being respectful. And working side-by-side with Dad as he turns the sod in the vegetable garden, discussing the worms and why they're good for the soil and beaming with pride at the feeling that he is no longer just a "little kid" but a valuable and important partner in the care of our home, is oh-so-important! I daresay that for a six-year-old man-child, such education (if one must choose) is far superior than that of learning the difference between a short and long vowel sound.

So, yes, if you came to my house right now, you might wonder why we're not "doing school" on a school day. And I will tell you with a satisfied sort of knowing that we certainly are.

Food fun

With each of our children, there has been some point when they are a toddler (usually between 15 and 18 months) when we have an all-out battle over food. You know: they don't want to eat something, but as the parent you know they have to learn to eat their vegetables and protein in order to be healthy, so you make them sit there in the highchair until they eat the single measly bite of food.

We have yet to have The Battle with Aubrey. This is mostly because she has been so much happier nursing than eating solids that I haven't felt much concern over whether or not she's getting a balanced diet. Breastmilk is, after all, the perfect food, right?

Well, that's all changing. In the last 2-3 weeks I have realized that my milk supply is way down. Although Aubrey is still begging to nurse every 1-2 hours throughout the day, she's maybe getting a tablespoon or two of breastmilk at a time. Nursing is definitely a comfort thing more than a nutrition thing. And I'm fine with that, except that now I do feel the need to make sure she is eating more than just a saltine cracker for lunch.

This girl is the pickiest eater in our house, to say the least (although I have met kids who are even pickier than she is, that's for sure). She hates pretty much all the typical toddler-hate foods, but her dislikes extend far beyond what's normal. The grapes I had to ration with my other toddlers to make sure they didn't end up with a terrible bout of diarrhea and a horrid diaper rash? Yeah... she chews them and then spits them out because she likes the flavor but hates the texture.

Strawberries, no.
Bananas, depends on her mood.
Raisins, disgusting.
Any-flavor-but-vanilla yogurt, rejected.
Green beans, nope.
Potatoes, blech.
Chicken, how dare you?
Broccoli, I'm so offended!
Granola, too chewy.
Cheese, too squishy.
Baby carrots, too crunchy.

And on and on it goes.

Fortunately, she likes peanut butter and jelly. So long as it's not on homemade bread. Go figure.

And she likes to suck salsa off tortilla chips. That's normal.

Now, at dinner she does pretty well. This is because she will eat a lot more variety of foods if she can sit on Daniel's lap and be fed by him. For some reason, Daddy's allowed to feed her food, but she is far less agreeable toward me. Maybe it's because she thinks I ought to be providing her more of the milk she loves and is probably wondering what's happened to!

The problems come at breakfast and lunch (and when she wants a snack) when Daddy's not home.

Yeah... have I mentioned yet that my youngest daughter is showing signs of being quite choleric and extremely strong-willed-- or that I'm not a bit choleric myself? Yikes!

Easter Sunday

We love Easter Sunday around here. Ask my children and they'll tell you: It's the best day of the year!

And now I get to share bits and pieces of our special day through pictures:

beginning the day with the victorious conclusion of Jesus' death!
(and, yes, Aubrey was awake, but she prefers to roam rather than sit)



Easter basket spoils.



Aubrey showing off her shoes-- her favorite part of any outfit!



Bronwyn was in love with her outfit.



three very cute kids.



and the proof of why we didn't really try to get all 4 kids in 1 picture!



my favorite worship leader leading my favorite worship service of the year.



Aubrey loves to "pretend" going to sleep.
you know... until it's actually time to go to sleep!



the crowd we shared Easter dinner with at Mom & Dad's



the kids' favorite thing to do at Nana's is drawing;
after the crowd dispersed, they got down to it.



all of us, thanks to Dad's photography skills

He knows my frame

Daniel is home for the day with no evening obligations. All the kids are outside with him while he rakes the front yard. I feel badly that I wasn't the one to get to it, but the reality is that just getting basic housecleaning done (you know... along with caring for the kids all day) wears me out. I finish running the vacuum and promptly feel that everyone is due for a nap after such a major endeavor. Unfortunately, my energetic children don't usually feel the same need for multiple rest times throughout the day!

Along with this exhaustion comes really pathetic mealtimes. I'm just sooo tired by this time of day that I can't bear the thought of making a mess of the kitchen. Not to mention that up until last week, most meal prep would make me throw up anyway. The throwing up seems to have passed, but the lack of desire to smell food cooking hasn't.

[One of the major problems with me not wanting/being able to cook is that we live in a really rural town. You can't even order delivery pizza here. So instead of all sorts of cool take-out meals multiple times a week that would have my children (and husband, let's be honest!) totally psyched, we are mostly living on PB&J and cereal.]

Anyway, the point of all this is to say that although I've been somewhat stuck in the mire of discouragement about how much I'm not getting done these days, the Holy Spirit has been helping me surface by showing me just a few of the specific things I have to be grateful for in this season:

1. I have a really low-maintenance husband who doesn't complain when he's tired of sandwiches for the hundredth time this week, but simply scrambles up some eggs for himself (and usually the kids, too). This is completely and totally awesome and I never, ever, ever want to take his graciousness for granted.

2. Gabriel has really stepped up to bat these past 2 months. He regularly gets breakfast on the table for himself and his siblings, minus pouring the milk on their cereal (and this only because I still insist on him calling me for-- I guess I'm paranoid about a gallon landing on the floor). He does tons of pick up and tidying for me. On the days Aubrey refuses to nap, he often entertains her and watches her so I can still catch 15-20 minutes of sleep. He empties the dishwasher, sweeps the kitchen floor, puts away laundry, assists Jackson with his morning and bedtime chores, and dusts the house. He's made himself so invaluable that I'm trying to remember how I did pregnancy in the past without all his ever-increasing help. I can't begin to tell you how many times a day I am thanking him for the things he does that I didn't even ask him to do.

3. I am being forced to learn how to prioritize and simplify. I'm often asking God to help me with this, but then I usually just take over my day and decide what I think is most important anyway. These days, often between tears, I have to admit that re-organizing the kids' closets, starting seedlings, doing cool school projects, and even cleaning the house just isn't the most deserving of my time and energy. I like tasks and projects-- I can see the results of those things-- but the truth is that spending time with my children, being available to teach and correct and love on them, is what the majority of my days ought to really be about anyway.

And all I can say is, "Thanks, God, for lifting my eyes." I can't get over how undone I get by what are really small things. Or how good He is to have compassion on me. It's true: He knows my frame and He loves me anyway.

I have no shame

I can't even believe I'm posting this picture. (You better send me a thank-you email, Shell!)

I took this photo before church on Sunday. This was my second outfit of the morning. The one I'd had planned physically fit me (as in, I could zip the zipper), but I looked like one of those people who cares more about the number on the tag than about how the clothing actually looks. There is only one other pregnancy when I had this much of a belly this early on (Gabriel), but if I'm truly honest, that belly was more the result of bloating than pooching.

This one is officially pooching.

For belly comparison, go to this very bad picture I took at 15 weeks pregnant with Aubrey (3 weeks further along *cough, choke, sputter* than I am now).

According to the doctor's scale (which I had the oh-so-wonderful privilege of standing on this past Monday), I haven't gained anything yet. Which tells you that that's ALL bad stomach muscles and not one bit what I had for dinner the night before.

I'm okay with it, though. Last week when the pregnancy just felt like throwing up and somehow still getting a belly, I wasn't so thrilled with everything. But Monday I got to hear Baby's heartbeat for the first time and in an instant this pregnancy (which has seemed rather surreal and mostly like a medical challenge thus far) became very, very real to me. We're not just having a bigger family: we're having a baby.

There's a new life inside of me. Full of promise and potential. With little toes and little fingers. I wonder who he/she is. And already I can hardly wait for the smells and the sounds and the feelings.

things are going to be okay

This morning I got up (too early; someone needs to tell Aubrey that even a mere 3 minutes before 6am is still before 6am and just. isn't. right.) and as I went about our morning routine, I realized I was feeling okay. I mean, I had that sensation of Quick, Get Some Food In Your Stomach Before You Start Throwing Up, but usually the morning hours are a combination of I'm Starving And About To Throw Up From Hunger and If I Put Anything In My Mouth (Even A Toothbrush), I Will Immediately Start Vomiting. Today was definitely an improvement. I'm trying not to count my chickens before they hatch by assuming we're past the worst, but I really have been on an upward swing of having more decent days than bad days and it's been five days since I last threw up. That must be something, right?

Anyway, as I thought with relief that we're really closing in on the end of the first trimester (which is my least favorite, by far), I remembered: I'm now 1 week beyond where I was in my last pregnancy when I had my second significant bleed and we discovered that I had a late (most appear earlier on in the first trimester and resolve by at least 20 weeks, whereas mine appeared at 11 weeks and when my placenta was delivered at Aubrey's birth, there was the clot, still present for all to see) and large subchorionic hematoma.

Whew. I am so glad to not be dealing with that again. I haven't lost any sleep thinking about a potential recurrence or anything (though the online group I was part of two years ago had a surprising number of repeat situations), but still. It's nice to know we're pretty much past any concern of that happening.

I know it doesn't mean everything, but I have to say that my soul breathed a deep, cleansing sigh at this realization. Things are going to be okay. I know I can't guarantee perfect (and I don't think I'll ever take a healthy baby-- anyone's healthy baby-- for granted again) and that there is no telling what the road before us looks like, but for today I'm just reminded that the past doesn't dictate my future.

highlights of the month (in pictures)

This morning I decided to upload photos from our camera and try to get organized. I don't usually let myself get too far behind with photos, but... what can I say? I'm not staying on top of a whole lot more than laundry these days.

1. Gabriel's first Friend Birthday Party (to celebrate his 6th birthday) was a pretty big hit. He invited 8 guests (included Bronwyn & Jackson, who I gave him no choice about) and 6 were able to attend. We had a pirate theme, per his request. He got his first Playmobil pirate sets and he has played almost daily with them since.

I'm not a cake decorator, so I appealed to my son with toys and really cool candles.
It worked.


This "Pin the Parrot on the Pirate" game was so cute. And a lot of fun.


Gabriel got lots of great gifts that he absolutely is enjoying.
He especially loves all the art supplies he received, and this giant Star Wars coloring book in particular.


Gabriel really wanted to invite Alyssa over, much to Bronwyn's delight.
They were so cute together playing dress up while the boys had battles in the other room.

2. In mid-March we went on a family vacation for a couple days. Wow, was this great. We rented an old 3-bedroom farmhouse in the middle of nowhere, about an hour from home. It came with acres and acres of fields and trails. Somehow we managed to go the one week in March that had 50*+ days.

Our rainboots came in very handy those couple days!


Picnics never get old with kids!


Our very own bean bag gift arrived from Jameson shortly before vacation.
It came in especially handy for fun family games on the one rainy afternoon we had.


It was great to spend the days outdoors and then come back to a fully-equipped house to share meals and games and evenings together.


We had just enough power left on the camera (that I forgot to charge) to set it up on a rock and take one family photo right before leaving the last day.

3. CFA Grandparents' Day took place just a week ago, and Grandma & Pap-Pap were able to make the trip up to be here for the weekend. I'm afraid I failed to take any photos the entire time, but I did manage to snag this one picture from my dad.

Gabriel and Merrick joined forces to sing their own rendition of "Happiness" from You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. It was adorable!

4. And last, but certainly not least (in my book anyway!), I received more Fluff in the mail after not buying any for a year (talk about some self-control, right???). That's right, folks, I'm getting ready to transition Aubrey to the next size Fuzzi Bunz. Since we've more than paid for the diapers I bought last year, I figured I could splurge and buy 4 "girlie" diapers to add to the boyish/gender-neutral hand-me-downs from Jackson.

I don't absolutely love the daisy print as much as I thought I would (I had pretty high expectations), though overall they are a fun addition.
But the new zippered (!) wet bag that I've had my eye on since last summer is as awesome as I'd thought it would be!

random

I came down with a pretty bad headcold Tuesday night, but I'm thankful that at least I haven't had bad pregnancy-sickness the past two days on top of it (maybe 12 weeks will be the magic number this pregnancy for feeling totally good!?). So far the rest of the family seems healthy, and I'm thankful for that.

Yesterday at one point after the kids went down for quiet time/naps, the house was totally quiet except for the dishwasher and washing machine. All I could think was how thankful I am for these modern appliances that allowed me to put my feet up and close my eyes for a bit without really skipping too much of a beat around the house. What an awesome blessing I too often take for granted!

It rained all day yesterday and now, after having had a burn ban, the grass is green and spring looks to really be springing! Even our tulips, which are some of the last to pop up because of the highly-shaded area they're planted in (this also makes for a longer blooming season, so I try not be too impatient), are poking through the ground, much to my delight. The first spring we had tulips was two years ago when I was on bedrest; I think seeing tulips will always bring me back to those days of sitting and wondering and praying.

Daniel is headed out of town for the weekend. I am looking for ways to fill our days. Anyone want to come over? Or be invaded by 5 people for a morning or afternoon?