Monday, February 9, 2009
breaking up the fallow ground
I guess it all depends on your definition of neglect, but this poor blog has suffered some, it seems to me.
Sometimes the neglect comes in busy seasons when it's hard to find 2 minutes together that aren't already owed to someone or something else. Sometimes the neglect comes in quiet seasons when there just isn't much to say. And then sometimes the neglect comes because there are so many deep areas in one's heart that are being touched by the Holy Spirit that you hardly know how to speak (or write) of them.
There is much going on in me. I find myself wrestling, holding tightly, longing for release and yet scared to let go.
I am being tested. How much can I give? How much can I love?
I think to myself that I am capable of more and so I dream big and put together ambitious plans... only to find myself failing in the little opportunities that are right before me. I purpose to do better tomorrow-- to prove myself faithful-- but all the purposing in the world is not what changes me. He alone can do that.
And He does. Change me.
He is forming and shaping me, lifting my eyes to see the possibilities and tenderly helping me acknowledge the weaknesses; breaking up the fallow ground, the dry and crusty areas of my heart, the bits and pieces of me that have become stubborn and hardened; showing me that His grace extends far enough to reach me and release me, even here.
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So true!
ReplyDeleteA beautiful picture of His work. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, if your blog is neglected, then mine must be abandoned. You have the least-neglected blog that I'm aware of.
ReplyDeleteSecond... what you wrote. That's Jesus. Thanks.
"I think to myself that I am capable of more and so I dream big and put
ReplyDeletetogether ambitious plans... only to find myself failing in the little
opportunities that are right before me. I purpose to do better
tomorrow-- to prove myself faithful-- but all the purposing in the
world is not what changes me. He alone can do that."I loved that! I can really relate to that first sentence. So true...opportunities right in front of me that ARE big and ambitious I just seem to fall prey to the lie that they aren't or I should be doing more ie... big as in staying home with little kids and running a home and even the little things involved that I know I fail in. I KNOW it's the best thing I can do and I really LOVE it...I also know because it's what I do that it's a major area of attack and doubt etc...He alone can change my thinking though and He is.. but the reminder is great. Thanks!