Changing

The days are long, the months are fleeting, the years are vanishing. I look at my children and I wonder when this happened-- when they became little people who voice opinions and have fears and imagine all sorts of wonderful things. And I think, Lord, change my perspective that I might always see the big picture... so that I can better understand the smaller parts.

Gabriel is thinking and processing so much these days. He peppers me with questions all day long. He wants to learn and know things. Yesterday he told me he wanted to sit on the porch and look at the tulips and think about Peter Pan. For those who are familiar with Anne, Gabriel is my [more realistic] Walter. He is talented and insecure all at once. I worry that my perfectionism will crush him, so my prayers for grace and humility to change are more fervent than ever. What an amazing little man-child.

Bronwyn is the same and changing all at once. She has recently been the biggest challenge for me, which probably means she's reached a new stage and needs new activities and new chores. She is incredibly quick to forgive, to share, to smile, to leave dirty socks trailing the stairs. Whether picking on her brothers, kissing Aubrey, talking to me, or sharing a story, she is rarely quiet and almost always interacting. I love her and I absolutely adore her chubby cheeks.

Jackson is unbelievably cute and stubborn all in the same breath. My sunshine and my handful both! I don't know how he manages! He wants to be a big kid-- to fight Gabriel in imaginary battles, run outside with squirt guns and kickballs, be done with the booster seat, drink from a regular cup, and hold Aubrey-- and yet he loves to snuggle and be comforted by his mama's kiss. Were it that he could stay my baby forever.

Aubrey is interested in everything. She wants to grab and touch and hold all that she can. Yesterday and today she fell asleep in her basket-bed on her own. It just kind of happened. I needed to get some things done and she was tired, so I laid her down thinking I would retrieve her when I finished emptying the dishwasher. Little did I know that she would be asleep when I returned. I almost wanted to wake her... to take back that opportunity for more growing up... How did we get here?

They are changing, as they should. Most days I don't see it. Most days I wonder if I will ever have a child who can tie his own shoes. I hate that I overlook the small bits of progress, only to realize all at once how far they have come. I want to savor every change, no matter how tiny. Not just so that I can tuck it away as a mother wants to do, but also so that I can praise and encourage every step along the way.