Oh Yeah

I meant to answer some questions in my last entry.

1. Aubrey's outfit was given to her by my mom. I believe she bought it at this store. I love it, too.

2. Aubrey's eyes are dark, dark blue. They make me think the most of her eye color because they are so intense.

There you have it!

The Randomness

:: I feel today as though we are inching our way back to structure and routine around here.

Not Aubrey, of course. No, she's all over the map and for now I'm just glad she knows that nighttime is for sleeping.

I mean us. Daniel & me. And the kids.

We're figuring out how life with Aubrey works. And how it doesn't. And it feels good just to know a bit more about what to expect (or not expect) in a given day.


:: My milk supply is back to where it needs to be for now and I am also armed with a No-Fail plan for whenever it needs to go up even more. Lactation consultants are wonderful people.


:: Aubrey weighed in today at 8lbs even. (She's also 21" long and her head is 13.5", for those who are into details. The weight is the all-important stat.) This is a 4oz gain in the last 8 days, and since 1/2 an ounce to 1 ounce a day is the typical newborn growth rate, I am pleased. She's still below the 5th percentile, but we're making progress.


:: I am feeling really and truly good today. If I walk too much-- like I sometimes do with my fussy baby in the evening hours-- my incision still feels painful, but otherwise I can honestly say I feel like my normal self. (Well, besides the ridiculous exhaustion resulting from being awake for 45-60 minutes of every 2-3 hours each night.)

My heart is more sure today. It seems that in these past 6+ weeks, every low point has been followed by an even stronger confidence in His nearness and goodness as He tenderly watches over me and shows Himself able on my behalf.

And the only moment all day long when I thought I would scream was when I arrived home from the lab (blood draws for Aubrey & I) and I received my first ever jury summons. Like this is what I need right now!


:: My menu for the week is planned and I did the appropriate grocery shopping today. I planned lots of very simple foods (quesadillas and chicken pot pie and the like) and I'm still not sure if execution will take place each day, but I've got a plan anyway. My one lofty ambition in the kitchen is to peel, slice & freeze the bags of Cortland apples sitting in my laundry room. We'll see how I do.


:: I have two sisters who have made these past few weeks work. I don't know what I would do without them. One of them has come over every night Daniel has been out to help me with getting the kids to bed.

Yes, I feel spoiled.

And I feel more certain than ever that family is truly a God design, because only He could think of something so wonderful.


:: Today my favorite verse is Isaiah 32:17.

The work of righteousness will be peace,
And the effect of righteousness,
quietness and assurance forever.

Peace For Me

I read this today, and I cried.

Peace is a Person, available always and everywhere to me.

My Cuties

Gabriel displaying his newly homemade St@r W@rs action figures:


(notice the blue & red light sabers)


Bronwyn as a bride:


(her ambitions right now are to one day be a bride and a mama)


A classic Jackson expression:


(I can't ever decide if he looks more frightened or shell-shocked when he does this)


A couple Aubrey expressions:

    




Oh! how I love these little ones!

In the Midst

Today is peaceful.

Aubrey ate well at 11am and has been asleep since. I will wake her in a few minutes to eat again. This is a much better scenario than when she doesn't sleep or eat well and fusses for hours on end.

All four children (did I really write four? 'Cause I still can't believe that I have four kids!) and I went outside for 30 minutes or so after lunch. Mealtime had run late and being outdoors also meant naptime would run late, but such a diversion was simply too irrisistable: the sky is idyllically blue, the leaves are crunchy, and the sun is warm. And being outside as three little people scampered about, laughing and running and exploring, and the fourth slept calmly and soundly, I felt the peace of normalcy wash over me.

I'm afraid this week I have grown dangerously myopic in my outlook. A beautiful landscape, enjoyable playtime, and smiling faces have reminded me that life is not all doctors & hospitals, medicine, breast pumps, and battling fear, though my pessimism would like me to believe so.

Yes, today, I am reminded in a thousand little ways of God's goodness. He doesn't just bring us through difficult times; He meets us right where we are and brings beauty in the midst.

An Update to the Update

My appointment this morning brought more good news. (I'll keep going to the doctor if the reports keep improving as they have this week!)

I have definitely been passing residual tissue, but the doctor is almost sure it's simply the old uterine lining getting kicked out faster than usual by new lining. In his words: "The pumping and dumping vs. breastfeeding you did the first couple weeks probably means your body is getting ready for baby #5." Not sure I'm ready to think about that-- and fortunately I don't have to today-- but at least he's pretty confident it's nothing to worry about.

The swelling, tenderness and bleeding are probably from over-doing. He said he cannot emphasize enough how much even travel and lack of sleep contributes to slower recovery, let alone being on the go since 48 hours post-op as I have been. While my activities haven't actually been harmful, there is a price to pay for each thing I do. In light of this, my guess is that driving our car with standard transmission quite a bit on Monday may have triggered these symptoms, to be honest.

So that's that. Nothing major. Nothing alarming. I'll have my blood count checked since I tend toward anemia, but I would have to have some significantly bad hemoglobin levels before the risks of taking a scalpel to me *shudder* are less than the risks of leaving things as is. I'm fairly certain I'm fine, since I don't feel terribly tired and a quick fingerprick last Friday indicated hemoglobin levels of 11.6.

So, enough of that. Pictures are way more fun.

My pretty big girl:
(She chews her lips these days until actually causing bleeding & scabbing above & below, as you can see)

The Bronwyn stare:


I had money on a gift card for here, so I went ahead and decided to try a swing out for mealtime since she is often not happy when I sit and hold her (not even in the wrap):


Our sleeping 6-week-old lady love:

A Report

We have been to the doctor everyday this week and there is another appointment scheduled for tomorrow morning. I'm hoping we'll get the weekend off, though at least the reports at each appointment have been getting better and better as we go.

Aubrey saw one of the cardiologists in Syracuse today and passed her exam with flying colors. He commented several times on how good she looks. Her color and alertness are excellent and her EKG results were normal. The medications she's on are working well and he isn't changing a thing for now. The only improvement he could recommend is more growth-- in his words, "she's a little pokey"-- though he certainly isn't alarmed by the fact that she's just now reached 7lbs 14oz (I assume this is because he deals with cardiac patients everyday and is accustomed to slower growth patterns).

The cardiologist also told us that he, the other three cardiologists, and the pediatric cardiology surgeon "conferenced" about Aubrey recently. This involved discussing her heart and possible surgical procedures to correct it. Bottom line: they aren't sure what they want to do. Better bottom line: they don't have to know right now because she's stable and healthy. They'll see her in a month and if she's grown better than this past month, they'll consider spacing out her appointments even more.

God is watching out for Aubrey and we are still praying for a miracle for her.

Things on my front aren't looking quite so peachy, unfortunately, but I'm hopeful that we'll discover nothing major tomorrow morning when I see the doctor who performed the section (my doctor is a family doctor so she wouldn't have done the section even if she'd been in town). I've passed a good deal of tissue lately, my lower abdomen is increasingly tender and swollen, and my incision has been "burning" quite a bit. A sonogram yesterday didn't show any remnants of the placenta or anything, so I may find out that it's as simple as me overdoing things. I don't know how that's possible since I feel like I'm doing nothing, but one never knows.

What I do know is that I think the original design for getting babies out is far better than the emergency design. I'm glad to have made (and be making) this sacrifice for my beautiful little girl's well-being, but nothing besides my child's life on the line could induce me to go through this again.

This from a mom who has had 2 multi-day labors and 12 stitches after her first baby was born. Trust me, it's still better.

In addition, I'm having milk supply issues because of Aubrey's poor nursing habits. This is stressful for me, which doesn't help. The pump is in action full-time around here; I'm hoping for a turn-around on this front in the next couple days.

All in all, we are moving forward and finding grace for every season. The Word of God is becoming more and more precious to me as I find that the fears, emotions, and stresses of this season are much bigger than me but not bigger than His promises. My heart soars and crashes more times in a day than I can even count and still He is steadfast and immovable.

The Anchor holds.

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.  --Matthew 11:28-29

Hear my cry, O God; Give heed to my prayer. From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For You have been a refuge for me, A tower of strength against the enemy. Let me dwell in Your tent forever; Let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings.  --Psalm 61:1-4