If only...

...I wouldn't tire of Jackson's crying before he does.
...I could wake up smiling as much as Bronwyn smiles upon waking.
...drumming--even "pillow" drumming--wasn't as loud as it is.
...food didn't = calories.

So glad...

...for chubby cheeks to kiss.
...that Daniel wakes up smiling as much as Bronwyn smiles upon waking.
...to have both bathrooms thoroughly cleaned (even the doornobs!).
...for blogs to read while I sit and nurse the baby for what feels like the 10th time today.
...my kids have a daddy who's invested in their lives.
...there are nuseries available on Sunday mornings.
...going over the grocery budget only means less $ for house projects, missions, etc. and not debt.
...so many guys have helped with our "project."
...that absolutely nothing can separate me from His love.

Voila! The "glads" definitely outweigh the "if only's."

Today is (was?) Daniel's birthday. That's right. The big 2-uh... 6. (Just doesn't have the same ring, ya know? )

The morning began with my two boys and me in the family room, getting a card ready for the kids to color while I made breakfast. Neither Daniel or I have ever done "breakfast in bed" on any occasion, but I thought this would be the year to do such a thing. My inspiration was in part due to Jackson waking up at 6am and giving me plenty of time to prep. At any rate, I fried eggs and made coffee while Gabriel and Bronwyn (by then awake) colored pictures and decorated the birthday card.

The real celebration was reserved for the evening, and even that was low-key. Dinner didn't get a lot of before-hand planning, but I'm fortunate to have a husband who isn't a picky eater. (In fact, he might be almost as far away from being a picky eater as his brother--but not quite.) Some tilapia sauteed in butter with parsley and lemon pepper, along with Italian bread, salt potatoes, and a ceasar salad did the trick just fine. It wasn't his "traditional" homemade pizza that he grew up requesting, but he declared it wonderful and--I must confess--I much prefered it myself.

The family stopping in to share a homemade cafe latte cheesecake topped the day off. Once again, it wasn't Daniel's "traditional" cherry chip cake--the cake of choice for years and years--but since the boxed mix he loves so dearly is difficult to find, he picked the cheesecake. And he said he thinks he might prefer cheesecake anyway. I guess I probably don't have to indicate which I like better.

All in all, there wasn't a big bash. Instead of an iPod or a video camera, there were shirts and Steelers paraphanalia (oh, yes) and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. We ate our dinner--just our little (growing) family--and Gabriel joined heartily in my boisterous rendition of "Happy Birthday." And I think in the simplicity of heartfelt wishes and prayers, hugs and laughter, Daniel knows how dearly he is loved and how much he means to us.

Yeah. He's the best.

(And he preaches pretty well, too. )

Nice is waking up to find a new outfit and hand-picked bouquet of peonies from Mom.

She is one of the most thoughtful and generous people I know--all the time buying gifts and bringing things to people "just because." Don't you just love her?

I keep thinking it's Thursday.

I want it to be Thursday--'cause then I'd be one day closer to the end of this week.

I sure am looking forward to a new week that isn't [already] imprinted with long nights, grouchy mornings, missed exercise, arguments between a frustrated husband & wife, countless discipline sessions, and selfishness and laziness. It's amazing what sin and sinful attitudes we've (I've) managed, seeing as how it's only Wednesday.

But isn't this my way? Instead of fixing what's broken, I want it new. I may have been around for enough years to know better, but I still think that next week... next month... next year... will be different; that somehow I will do better, stay stronger, think faster, work harder.

Could it be that I'll spend my whole life waiting for tomorrow at this rate?

This day--this Wednesday, June 7th, in the year 2006--is the day He has made. He knew I'd mess it up. He knew I'd want to get rid of it, scratch it from the memory books. But He made it anyway.

Because He also knew that my Savior--my good and gracious Jesus--could fix it. He knew that the dysfunctional attitudes and crumbling emotions could and should be transformed to be a testimony of His love and Fatherhood; and that the real work of Grace is truly understood through life and not just in spite of it.

So I offer up today. These next nine hours are Yours, Lord. Take this frail humanity and teach me what it is to let Your work shine through: through the ups and downs, and through the wins and losses. Thank You for today: for the way You mend what's broken, change what's wrong, and complete Your work.

And please, Lord, let it somehow be a light to others. Let me not be too proud to let them really see how great Your work is and can be.

This Wednesday.

There are over 70 railroad ties in my yard.

Half a dozen 6"x6"x8' posts are stacked on my front porch, along with even more 1"x6"x10' rails.

Next to the driveway, a rather long trench is dug--in some places 4' deep.

The grass hasn't been cut in over a week because lawn-mower-man (aka Daniel) has been preocupied with "the project."

The many holes that will soon tear up the rest of our yard in anticipation of fence posts haven't even been dug yet.

So if the saying, "It gets worse before it gets better" is really true, my yard should look exceptional when all is said and done.

One of the things I love about my worship-leader-sisters is the way they lead us in hymns. I like that they like the same hymns as me--the ones with intricate yet simple melodies and profound yet never-changing lyrics. And I really like that they know how to change a chord here, or a time-signature there, so that these hymns can be brought to life... once again.

I'm a "chorus girl," really. The old songs that are basic to my childhood will ever be dear; songs like I Love You, Lord and The Steadfast Love will never be forgotten or grow old. Some of my favorites are the many choruses written by Matt Redman; I listen to what he writes and I know that he loves Jesus and that he loves the Word. In addition, I'll take a smattering of this and a sprinkling of that, with a little of this and a little of that--and even a teeny bit of this, as well.

But there's something about those hymns, so moving, so inspiring, and so true.

I appreciate that my worship-leader-sisters are also bloggers, because it's good to begin some mornings reading what they write and being led in worship. Like today, when I read her stuff and found that I was singing and contemplating the following hymn the rest of the day.

Thanks, Wease.

My Jesus, I love Thee, I know Thou art mine;
For Thee all the follies of sin I resign.
My gracious Redeemer, my Savior art Thou;
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

I love Thee because Thou has first loved me,
And purchased my pardon on Calvary’s tree.
I love Thee for wearing the thorns on Thy brow;
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

I’ll love Thee in life, I will love Thee in death,
And praise Thee as long as Thou lendest me breath;
And say when the death dew lies cold on my brow,

If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

In mansions of glory and endless delight,
I’ll ever adore Thee in heaven so bright;
I’ll sing with the glittering crown on my brow;
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

Today we went shopping. Just Daniel and I. (OK--Jack was there, too, but nursing babies don't count against "alone-time" as far as we're concerned.)

I shopped.

I talked--a lot. About a lot of things.

I bought gifts for upcoming weddings.

I found $2.99 shirts for Daniel.

I proved 1 and a 1/2 hours to be the perfect amount of time for relieving myself of all my pent-up thoughts.

I decided I needn't be stressed any more. Not about Gabriel. Not about money. Not about house projects. Not about a summer schedule that involves Daniel being gone and traveling a whole lot. Not about discipline tactics or mothering failures.

I ate a Twizzler. (Or two... or three, actually.)

I discovered that I finally have a baby who likes being in his stroller even inside a mall.

I purchased plaid shorts for Gabriel. And two dresses for Bronwyn.

I remembered one of the reasons I love being married: having Daniel as my best friend.