Understanding my children

The community group for young moms that I'm part of has morphed somewhat into a sort of book club throughout the past several months. I love it. I've never been part of a book club of any sort, but I love to read. And I love reading even more when it involves discussing what's being/been read with others!

We started off with reading The Power of Motherhood by Nancy Campbell. All I can say for now is: wow, what a great book. It is packed with Scripture and studies that could last years! I highly recommend it to any mom.

Now we're working through Understanding Your Child's Temperament by Beverly LaHaye. Just nine chapters in, I frequently find myself chuckling over how well bits of it describe my own children.

[Disclaimer: While I enjoy and appreciate studying temperaments, this book and study is not for the purpose of pigeon-holing my children, but so that I can better understand how to communicate with, be gracious towards, and encourage them. It's important to remember that the author of this book is in no way trying to force our children into certain boxes, but rather tries to open up parents' eyes to the reality that we shouldn't try to parent each of our children in the exact same way, because no two of them are the exact same people.]

Within the brief descriptions of the various temperaments have been snippets that are so on target for my children, I just had to copy them and save them for myself to look back at in later years.

About the Melancholy-Choleric (aka Gabriel, in our house), and ways to help him grow:

• The MelChlor boy or girl is like clay in the potter's hands. The parents can mold him into a positive and capable person or accentuate his negative feelings until his above-average potential is neutralized. God has endowed him with a brilliant mind and the ability to be a deep and creative thinker.
• His sensitive, artistic nature is often affected by his attitude toward others or what he thinks their attitude toward him might be. It is easy for him to have his feelings hurt and to feel inferior, believing that others do not like him... He criticizes himself, but does not like criticism from other people... He is overly conscientious; everything has to be nearly perfect.
• The thing to watch for is that they do not confine themselves to repeatedly do only the familiar and refuse to venture into other areas and to learn new things.
• Fortunate is the [melancholic] who has parents who will teach him how to have joy and thankfulness instead of gloom, a wholesome and positive attitude instead of a negative attitude, and a spirit of praise instead of self-pity.

About the Sanguine-Phlegmatic (aka Bronwyn, in our house), and ways to help her grow:

• The most enjoyable children to raise can be the SanPhlegs when they aren't permitted to indulge their weaknesses. They are lovable, affectionate, happy little busybodies that rarely cause trouble.
• [The sanguine] seems to be eager to please... They fully intend to be obedient and to please, but they get swept away with curiosity or a change of environment.
• He needs to be loved and accepted by others, particularly his family. When his parents are quarrelsome and unhappy, then he reflects that spirit by becoming sullen and withdrawn. All sanguines need to be loved, and when they do not find love at home they may look outside the family for this need to be filled. They have a need for instant gratification and have very little self-control.

About the Phlegmatic-Choleric (aka Jackson, in our house), and ways to help him grow:

• The phlegmatic child will be the easiest of the temperaments to take into a restaurant for a meal... The same is true when taking him into a church service.... He is naturally quiet, easygoing, and calm.
• Because [the phlegmatic] is an introvert, his weaknesses may not show too readily, particularly when he is young. Since his greatest problem is a lack of motivation, he can skirt around this during his younger years.
• Most often he will back away from a situation to protect his own hide. If he gets into a fight with [another child], it is usually when the Choleric influence in him is activated to protect his toys from being used by others. He tends to preserve them carefully.
• As this temperament becomes a teenager, he may want to draw away from his church peer group and activities that would benefit him socially and spiritually. He needs to be encouraged to be a participant and not just a spectator... He will have much to offer society but will probably need a gentle push from time to time to get involved and stay involved.

About the Choleric-Sanguine (aka Aubrey, in our house), and ways to help her grow:

• By two years of age [the choleric] will have developed an independent spirit and will attempt to do things for himself that other children would not try until much later... ChlorSans are good talkers, and early in life they will argue with their parents. In fact, they can't resist the temptation to get in the last word, and this will often be the cause for many of their punishments.
• The young choleric, like the mature one, will be an active person and a strong leader... The choleric child needs to have definite areas of responsibility and leadership. It is very necessary to develop this natural-born characteristic under the watchful eye and loving direction of his parents.

Claire is still our easygoing, content baby. Her infancy mimics Bronwyn's most closely, and so I imagine that she won't have the Choleric tendencies that the other three all share a bit of (in varying degrees). Time will tell, of course, and I am excited to watch her unique self unfold before our eyes.