Unorganized Thoughts

I've been thinking about the trailer I watched yesterday and then shared with all of you. I have many thoughts and know there are many different reactions-- even in me!-- to what is said.

My first response is to get annoyed when I feel that I am being confronted with an agenda, until I realize that this reaction is because of growing up in a humanistic culture that tells me "agenda is bad." Agenda in and of itself isn't evil. Jesus had an agenda: to save mankind. We all have agendas. Mine, unfortunately, is too often to get my children to make my day pleasant. That's a bad agenda. I am trying to make the agenda of my life to know Jesus and am working daily to make the smaller agendas within that over-arching agenda Christ-like. This does impact my speech, behavior, and convictions in every sphere of life, and it's a good agenda so that's OK. If the agenda of this particular movie is to bash American medicine, I'm not a fan; if the movie is intended to educate women, I'm all for it. (I'm not sure it will, but perhaps that's my pessimism speaking.)

My second response to this is, "Yes!" I am guessing there are too many OB-GYNs who opt for C-sections not just because of the convenience or for insurance reasons, but also because of what it means for their pocketbook. (Even if there was only one OB-GYN with such an agenda, that's too many, in my humble opinion!) I think it might be true that a regular labor and delivery floor doesn't bring in much revenue, but that an OR sure does. The more medical intervention, the higher the cost. I know I look at my hospital bill with Gabriel compared to my independent birth center delivery bill with Bronwyn, and I must say that my eyes get big at the price difference. Modern medicine costs a lot and I think we should try to save the $$$ for when needed. (I realize that "need" is very relative, depending on what doctor and/or woman you're talking to, which is one of the major complications in all of this.)

My third response is to say very heartily that I am so thankful for medical advances. I can almost say I'm even glad for pitocin , since there would have otherwise been a C-section for me when delivering Gabriel (it may have been a C-section even with pitocin if I hadn't had midwives who really took my wishes into consideration). Because of my anemia, I now require pitocin shots immediately after birth; after Jackson's birth I needed an emergency IV with fluid because I hemorrhaged so suddenly and badly. And you'd better believe that as I sit here at 19 weeks pregnant with a real possibility of pre-term labor, I'm beyond grateful that hospitals can now regularly sustain a 24-week gestation baby-- sometimes even a 23-week'er. What a truly amazing blessing.

My fourth response is that I really like the last thing the one doctor said: Deliver at home, but within 15 minutes of a hospital. I'm not saying people have to deliver at home (I'm not to the place where I can handle the idea of the mess and my husband's not to the place where he can handle any of it!), but I think there's something to be said for approaching pregnancy as a natural thing. That doctor's attitude was a reasonable one and I appreciated it. Leave the procedures and medicines for when they are necessary-- not for when they're more convenient or comfortable and can actually cause more problems than they're worth.

I will say that I am recently discovering how poorly educated many women are when it comes to pregnancy and delivery. I think I'm just now realizing this because I've generally been surrounded by mothers who are deeply invested and have gladly sacrificed time toward learning about different procedures, medicines, side-effects, emergency-situations, etc. In these last several weeks, per recommendation from my doctor, I've hit up some pregnancy forums (you know: find women who have faced similar situations and see what they have done/didn't do that may have helped). I am amazed as I browse these forums by some of the things women are saying and doing. It has not been uncommon for me to read about women who are having their membranes stripped at 35 and 36 weeks because they're "uncomfortable" and want to be done with pregnancy. I certainly appreciate that there are huge discomforts and inconveniences to pregnancy, but I am shocked that more women don't have doctors who are saying, "Honey, when you signed on, you signed on for 40 weeks. Let's talk about stripping membranes when you're 40 weeks." I'm even more shocked that these doctors don't take the time to tell these women what a difference those last 4-5 weeks can make for the baby and that the process shouldn't be cut short unless necessary for the survival of baby and/or mother; they just strip her membranes because she asked and then she maybe finds out via an online forum that it may not have been the best decision. So, yes, if a movie like this can help educate us moms, I'm all for it.

One thing I've joked about over these past 7 weeks is that after listening to doctors, radiologists, and specialists, I have to then figure out whether it's them talking or their malpractice insurance talking! Yes, I'm making light of it, but there's some truth in this. I often wonder how many times doctors turn to medical procedures they wouldn't personally choose because our American culture values medical science over God's design.

Those are just some thoughts from me. Not very organized, but there nonetheless. I'd love to hear more from others.

On an entirely different note, I tried sitting outside in the beautiful sun today two different times in two different locations. Both times I endured about 30 minutes of yellow jackets landing on my shoulders, elbows, nose, hair, chair, book, etc. before I finally got too freaked out by the increasingly real probability of getting stung and I ran inside like the big ol' scaredy cat that I am. To that end, I am lodging my first official complaint about these products, which I otherwise love: I think bees love them, too.

I thought this video certainly was interesting.

(Disclaimer: I have no idea what the rest of the site is about or trying to promote. I also don't know how accurate their statistics actually are or if the particular agenda of this group is slanting the truth at all.)

Our Report

We had a long but good afternoon in Burlington.

Well, I should take that back. The time in Burlington wasn't long; the time driving to and from seemed far longer than the 3 hours each direction that it was. I know that many prefer scenic routes to thruways that barrel along with nary a sight to see, but at least I don't get carsick on the thruway. Driving through small town after small town in fairly intense sunlight, no interstates or steady speeds or straight paths, made my stomach feel... well... yucky. It reminded me of when I first moved to Pittsburgh and just driving to church from our townhouse (a whole 6 miles!) made me feel sick.

At any rate, we got there, and without significant illness on my part.

The ultrasound was very thorough. First I spent 30 minutes with a technician who was funny and talkative and pointed out every single thing that she did (I thought that was nice since, as a mom, I enjoy learning about all things pregnancy-related). Then I spent 30 minutes with a radiologist who's been doing this for over 20 years and was very good. My favorite part about having the radiologist actually doing the ultrasound was that we didn't have to wait to hear what she was finding: she told us right away.

From the ultrasound, I would say that the two biggest things we learned were that 1. our local hospital has done a very thorough and excellent job at diagnosing what's going on and, 2. *insert drumroll* we are almost definitely having a baby girl! (Daniel, who officially went on the record as guessing girl last week, is once again right and I am once again wrong!*) There weren't any significant changes or surprises concerning the placental hemorrhage, which is still very present and very size-able, and yet our baby is continuing to grow without the slightest hint of a problem. (They estimate that she is up to almost 9oz now.)

Following the ultrasound, we had a consult with a specialist right there in the OB wing. She was a very thorough woman who spoke plainly but without unnecessary negativity. She took the time to draw pictures of what different subchorionic bleeds can look like, what mine specifically is, how the placement and size of the bleed puts me at risk for different things, what I can do in the meantime, and how she envisions the rest of my prenatal care. Many fears were virtually put to rest by knowing more about the hemorrhage itself, and now Daniel and I feel that we can intelligently pray about how to proceed from here.

As I sat in the exam room waiting for the specialist, I started imagining her coming in and telling me that life could go back to normal. That didn't happen. But I'm still praying for a complete resolution and healing of this hemorrhage (I don't care that specialists have only confirmed that this problem will persist and threaten the duration of the pregnancy) because I haven't a doubt that sickness is not His portion for me or this baby. I truly believe that the reason this pregnancy is an anomaly today is because God sovereignly intervened at a time when babies are typically lost, due to the size of my hemorrhages, and protected this baby's life. Not only that, but He has made two hemorrhages one, and that one is slowly but steadily decreasing in size. (Yesterday it was about 9x7x5cm.)

Yes, I am still on bedrest. This is not so much because anyone in any way envisions this "fixing" the situation, but more as an important tool in protecting me from symptoms (mainly, ongoing bleeding). I am always surprised by how strongly the medical community reacts to my anemia because, to me, it's just part of life and pregnancy. I forget that coming home from Jackson's birth with a hemoglobin level of 6.2 is not normal to the point of being dangerous and that I am fortunate to have a doctor who didn't absolutely insist on a blood transfusion. My marching orders for the rest of the pregnancy are to avoid blood loss at all costs, to take my prescription iron diligently, and to eat high-iron foods as much as possible-- particularly animal protein since I could also use more protein in my diet.

The specialist in Burlington would, of course, like to see me every 4 weeks or so from here on in (well, she made it sound like she'd prefer every 2 weeks but, because of how far we have to drive, would be okay with every 4 weeks-- assuming there are no more complications). This is one of the things Daniel and I need to pray about. I feel very strongly, especially after yesterday's visit to Burlington, that my doctor and local radiologists have done an excellent job at diagnosing and tracking the bleeds. Personally, I would rather let them do the continued care, unless they at any time see something alarming enough to warrant another opinion, which I feel they are honest and humble enough to ask for.

The biggest risk we are facing is pre-term labor, since this pool of blood could easily irritate my uterus and, in turn, my uterus could try to expel it. But as of now (I think largely because the bleed has moved to the end of the placenta instead of being directly underneath it) I'm only at about a 25% risk for that (a "normal" pregnancy faces a 7-10% for pre-term labor). I told Daniel after the appointment that pre-term labor for me would be 38 weeks with a 7lb baby, so we've got nothing to worry about!

If you want the more detailed report, let me know and I'll e-mail you. There's simply too much to write on here.

(Oh, and no name yet. Sorry.)


<Edit>*I have to note that I'm not always wrong about the gender. With Gabriel, both Daniel and I thought beforehand that we were having a boy. When pregnant with Jackson, I vacillated back and forth a lot and never really felt sure either way. The funny thing is that when I was expecting Bronwyn, I really thought she was a boy. Like, I really thought that. So I'm 1 for 3 (I never really made a guess with Jack, which I suppose could also be counted against me) and Daniel is 4 for 4, which definitely gives him bragging rights. Oh well...! </Edit>

We'll soon be off for our 2:30pm ultrasound and consultation in Burlington, Vermont. If you stop by and see this message and picture, please pray for God to be glorified!

almost 19 weeks

Stuff and Nonsense

:: It's a really pretty spring day. I know I've been writing for days and days that my tulips are looking better and better, but they really and truly are! I'm enjoying every bit of growth! And the great news is that they definitely seem to be too close to the road to tempt rabbits, so we haven't had as much as a single nibble. Unfortunately, the UPS man has taken out a couple tulips by walking through them instead of around them, but that rant should be saved for another time and day.

It's the kind of day when you hear lawns being mowed, smell debris raked from gardens being burned, and see the bluest of skies without a hint of a cloud for miles. I love how clear North Country skies are year-round. After living in an overcast area for four years, I think I will never take these skies for granted again.

It's the kind of day when you get goose-bumps from the sudden mild breeze; the kind of day when you're hot without the window cracked in your car.

:: Liana arrived this morning with an overnight bag, violin and music stand, and books. She'll be taking up residency in our guest room much of the next week while Daniel tries to get through the end-of-the-semester bustle. It is fun to have her here. It is even more fun to look forward, on behalf of my small children, to a more consistent routine and voice of authority.

(Is it trivial to find peace in not having to tell her where the ingredients for PB&J are, or which dresser belongs to which child, or what time the kids usually take naps? Because I'm finding it peaceful.)

:: I spent an hour at the hospital this morning getting the shot I require because of having Rh- blood. There aren't a great deal of things I dislike about living in a rural area, but having to go to the ER for a rather routine shot is a bit annoying, I must confess. Especially since ER nurses don't seem to realize that it isn't necessary to push the fetal doppler into my abdomen.

Honestly, I felt like taking the doppler from her and doing it myself-- especially after I had to tell her that she was clocking my heartbeat and not the baby's.

:: Tomorrow Daniel and I will spend the day in Burlington, VT for a level 2 ultrasound and consultation. I am praying for our second good report.

:: Our Easter decorations are still out, one month later. The lawn needs to be mowed and a number of screens that were broken last summer by small hands need to be replaced. Our refrigerator shelves are a bit of a disgrace and winter snowsuits are still hanging in our laundry room.

What can I say? There are bigger fish to fry right now.

Bath Time

I think the era of all the kids in the bath at the same time is coming to a close.

This is not because they don't all three fit at the same time. They do (and quite well, I might add-- so long as nobody gets greedy and decides to lay down).

The problem is the amount of water that ends up outside the bathtub by the time three rambunctious children under age 5 have been thoroughly cleaned. You might not believe me, but following baths tonight when I used the bathroom, about 1/2" of my hem got soaked. I felt as though I was wading through a small stream just to get to the toilet. And this extreme soaking of the bathroom is accomplished even with strict enforcement of our "No splashing" rule, which is right up there with rules like "Don't tell Mom you hate her" and "Stay out of the road."

I know, I know... water on the floor isn't a particularly terrible problem or even one of the worst problems encountered in parenting. In fact, bath time usually leads to an impromptu mopping of the floor (when there's that much water, one might as well add some Mr. Clean and do the job right), and mopping can never be considered an awful thing.

But, seriously, what parent, after the whole bathing experience (which, of course, requires tricks and entertainment to prevent blood-curdling screams due to water in eyes, wrestling with pudgy fingers and toes to get fingernails and toenails cleaned and trimmed, chasing the naked baby around the house with onesie and pjs in hand, and then brushing long, tangled toddler-hair to the tune of sobbing by said toddler), really has the energy to mop the bathroom floor?

Not I!


*Note* Before any of my readers panic, I was not the one bathing children tonight. The credit all goes to my amazing husband. And, yes, he just finished mopping the floor.

P.S. I just read over this and thought, "Whatever happened to the days of putting my one child in the tub simply because it was fun for him and gave me 30 minutes of peace?!"

Anonymous & Opening

I just have to note that comments can now be made on xanga sites anonymously. I think this is great, since now non-xanga'ers (xangans???) can comment on my site without having to sign up or do annoying word verifications every single time they comment (which has been my reason for not wanting to move from xanga to another spot like, well, blogspot; I can't see how going through that process is any more convenient than simply signing up for commenting privileges).

Unfortunately for my brother and brother-in-law, this new development basically means I will become the permanent xanga resident they have tried to convince me not to be. Xanga's just too easy for me. You see, I'd rather spend my time writing than fooling around with html and layouts. I always wanted to be a communications major, not a designer or programmer.

Sorry guys!

<Edit>I've been duly corrected about the word verification thing. Ugh. What those spammers make the rest of us legitimate folks go through!</Edit>


* * * * *

Here's a photo from the ribbon-cutting at the Grand Opening of 57 Market last Wednesday afternoon. Yay!

<Edit #2>57 Market is the new CFC campus ministry downtown, storefront location. It's within walking distance of 2 of the 4 area universities and is a pretty nice spot, if I do say so. Rent, utilities, and furnishings are all paid for with donations. We have a 3-year lease with an extension for 2 more years at the end of that, should we choose to stay. It's pretty exciting, I think!</Edit>