Six peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, divided among five children.
Three loads of laundry: one white, one light, one dark.
Wiping down the kitchen sink... again.
Sweeping up the mudroom... again.
Sauteing the onions & garlic... again.
These are most days for me. They pile on top of one another, and sometimes, yes sometimes, I wonder if I am drowning, being lost, in the sameness of it all.
But in the middle of that thought comes another one: the thought that if my heart is right, that if this is for Him, then it is beautiful. That if I am not just fulfilling obligations to the people I have committed to care for, but if I am purposing to lay down my life and learning to cherish servanthood, then He is being found in me.
This grasping that we do-- us frail, temporal, shortsighted beings-- hoping desperately to find ourselves, it leads to frustration. Ask me how I know.
So why do I do it? Why don't I always remember and never forget how much better-- how good and how freeing!-- it is to lay down the vain ambitions, the self preservation, the inward focus?
I guess it's because I am shortsighted.
But the Holy Spirit reminds me, and how thankful I am for that! Like a breath of fresh air after a stormy night (or days & nights, if I cling to the funk long enough), He reminds me of the joy that comes when I leave it-- me-- at the foot of the cross.
And suddenly I laugh at the ease of it all. His burden is indeed light! No longer do I worry that I am being lost, because I have already realized how much better it actually is to lose myself in order to find Him. No longer do I fret that parts of me are dying, because I am wanting to crucify the flesh that I might gain Christ.
This is the dichotomy of following Christ.
I die to live. I give to gain. I lose to find.
It's true. It absolutely is. Ask me how I know.
Gal 2.20 I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.
I liked this. A lot. It's a funny thing that is it so hard to accept that which makes life easier. I know for me, the enemy is constantly whispering (screaming?) in my ear that there should be more important things than the mundane, every day tasks...to the point where it is almost like nails on a chalkboard to even think of making the pb&j or washing the dishes. But when I don't listen, and I do what I know I needs doing, there is a joy and a peace that comes that is unlike anything I experience otherwise. Why that is so easy to forget, though, I wish I knew...thanks for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteI think I could have possibly written this very post. This is how I've felt lately ... the days piling on top of one another, tired (oh, so tired) , cleaning (again), thinking of what to make for dinner (again), making lunch (again) ... and then I read Deut 6:4-7 and was reminded of the HUGEness that God has given me to raise these children (...You shall teach them diligently to your children...) and I was humbled yet again at the priviledge I have. But to be blunt, its hard to remember sometimes in the day-in, day-out of things. :)
ReplyDeleteI like this post a lot!
ReplyDeleteHave you ever considered a book? ;) writing one, that is?
ReplyDelete