This has been a long week. I am amazed to find myself telling people that it's also been a good one.

It's been a week of throwing myself at the mercy of Jesus, knowing it isn't of my own merit that I can even ask for blessing, prosperity, or life-- and discovering that His mercy is greater than I expect it to be.

It's been a week of being confronted by 2 outcomes on several occasions; a week of commanding my soul to know peace and joy regardless of what lies ahead.

It's also been a week of being confronted by 2 outcomes on several occasions and feeling unspeakably blessed after each confrontation.

Thank you for praying for us.

"God Who Saves" by Caedmon's Call

There is life in the blood of the Lamb who was slain

There is power, there is power in His name

There is love pouring out of the wounds that were made

Pouring out, pouring over our shame



So praise the God who saves

Praise the God who bled

Praise the God who was nailed to a tree

And wore our sins upon His head



There is truth in His body, raised that third day

There is joy in a stone rolled away

There is hope pouring out of the tomb where He lay

Pouring out, pouring over the grave



For He lives that we too might live

And He loves that we might also love

And know the glory of God above

P.S. Do you know I've seen my baby twice and heard his/her heartbeat 4 times in a week??? Now that's blessed.

::Edit:: a more detailed update on what's going on with the baby and me
    My hematoma (the hemorrhage on the maternal side of the placenta) is about 8cm. At first I thought, "8cm?! That's nothing!" But then I found out that 8cm is actually considered to be on the small side of large, if that makes sense. (To put it into perspective, that's bigger than the baby is.)
    With each day beyond the first trimester I get (according to ultrasounds, I am 12w, 6d), the chances of a late miscarriage drop and the likelihood of my body healing increases. Also on my side is my age, since a newer body heals itself more readily than an older one.
    The bleeding I've been experiencing is most likely some of the pooling blood (the hematoma) being expelled and is not necessarily because of further tearing of the placenta. I didn't get another ultrasound today so we don't know for sure if there's been more tearing or not, but since the baby's heartbeat continues to hold around 160 beats/minute, we can safely assume that even if there has been recent tearing, it's been minimal enough that it hasn't affected the baby. The continued expelling of blood does, unfortunately, indicate that the hematoma is not being re-absorbed into my body. This means the placenta is continuing to hemorrhage, though just in the area it tore previously and not a new area-- which is definitely better than continued tearing but still not great, if that makes sense.
    In about 3 weeks, I will see my doctor again and she'll have me get another ultrasound to check the size of the hematoma. Hopefully it will have been at least somewhat, if not completely, absorbed. If by the 3rd trimester there is no trace of it left, the pregnancy will most likely go on to be completely normal.
    If the hematoma doesn't re-absorb at all and/or leaves a scar on the placenta, placental functions will be hindered and there will be a significant chance of IUGR (intrauterine growth retardation) and/or pre-term labor.

    ... How's that for a biology lesson?!