My homeschool assignment

One of my goals for this school year has been to learn how to make my own on-the-counter yogurt (I know there are lots of ways to make yogurt, but I'm not interested in something I have to buy special equipment for or have the oven at just the right temperature for or wrap a crockpot in towels for, etc., PLUS I really want those raw enzymes and reproductive capabilities so that I can stop buying yogurt altogether), as well as getting into whole wheat sourdough bread making. So far, I've only gotten as far into the process as proving to myself that I can [once again] be in a good routine of bread making-- so that at least I have a smidgen of confidence that I won't kill the cultures through neglect.

(Maybe, anyway.)

The thing is, I'm not so confident that I won't kill the cultures by smothering.

When I try new things, I tend to analyze and over-tend them. I look back on my early days of cloth diapering and I have no doubt that half my "troubles" were caused by hyper attentiveness on my part. Likewise with Gabriel's infancy (poor first child). If something seems to be going wrong, I'm not good at just waiting a bit to see what comes of it; I naturally want to intervene and consequently-- nine times out of ten, anyway-- make things worse!

Not to mention, science and anything scientifically-related scares me to death. I don't get it, therefore, I am afraid of it!

That said, I really want to do this. I have come to realize over the years that I tend to have a somewhat bad pH body balance that makes me very prone to thrush (a breastfeeding infection). Taking probiotics has really helped tremendously, but I also want to get away from yeast breads, as well as increasing natural probiotics through homemade yogurt.

So I'm about to take the plunge and buy both yogurt and whole wheat sourdough starter. It's my homeschooling assignment after all, and the first quarter of the school year is already up. Better get crackin', I say!

Us::

:: Daniel has had a really busy but productive two months or so. He has taken on more responsibility within the church, particularly with our homeschooling ministry, Christian Fellowship Academy. I know I'm partial, but I think he's doing a great job with all the transition and added work. He works strange hours and is basically always "on call," and yet he doesn't run out of energy and enthusiasm. I don't know how he does it, but I sure am amazed by and proud of his never-ending servanthood.

:: Jackson continues to be like a flower unfolding slowly before us. I feel strange using that analogy since he's a boy (maybe someone else can help me out with a more masculine one!), but it's the only picture I have to describe what getting to know him has been like compared to the stronger and more in-your-face personalities we have here at home. He is generally a very sweet and contented boy. Bit by bit, we are learning what he really likes (dinosaurs, in particular) and also what weaknesses he has. I love this process of discovering who my children are!

:: We are having a great school year so far. I love the curriculum we're using and am ever thankful for the "Aha!" moments that help me make it just right for us. Learning to manage a home and mother an infant, toddler and preschooler, along with homeschooling, is a constant adventure. I confess to too often losing my joy and peace because of things like long-lingering dust bunnies in the corners, dirty kitchen cabinet fronts, a frequently empty (and dirty!) refrigerator, and poorly tended gardens, but I really am thankful even for the things I don't get done because the Holy Spirit is using them to teach me how to walk in grace right in the midst of those things.

:: We're taking a break from organized sports for the fall (no soccer fans in the house and I'm just not ready to get into football yet, despite the boys' pleading) and are instead taking the opportunity to add in some other things. Gabriel began studying piano when we kicked off our school year and is loving it. Yes, he really wants drum lessons and, yes, we have every intention of getting him some eventually, but I really wanted him to begin his official music studies with piano-- and I think he's been surprised by how much fun he's having! In addition to weekly piano lessons for Gabriel, Bronwyn is part of a weekly hour-long ballet class, which she adores. I am happy to be the sports mom, but I have to admit that it's easier for me to make the sacrifice for music and dance. Good thing Daniel's around to balance me in this!

(And, don't worry, come January we'll be ready for basketball and then in April we'll do baseball!)

:: Claire is fast-approaching her first birthday. I know I keep saying it (and you're probably all, BELIEVE IT ALREADY), but I just can't wrap my mind around how fast this year has gone. Sure, each infancy has been fleeting, but ohmy. Didn't I seriously just walk out of the hospital with my brand new, smooshy, red-haired delight? The only things that help me realize the fullness of a year's passing are 1) her temper tantrums when she doesn't get her own way (specifically, if I don't give her something to chew on while the rest of us eat dinner), 2) how dreadfully she's been sleeping lately (all my babies have gone through major Sleep Strike around 12 months), and 3) that she has a sense of humor and tries to make us laugh! I have to tell myself, "Sorry, Self, but newborns don't do those things." Sadness, really.

:: I took reading nice and slowly with Gabriel (maybe a little too slowly due to paranoia of "pushing" him???), but there's just no denying it now: he's an independent reader who devours books like the Star Wars series, the Winnie-the-Pooh collection, and anything else that catches his eye. Bronwyn, who has not had any great fondness for learning to read, suddenly became inspired lately when she realized that knowing how to read enables her to snuggle with and bless younger ones. She can often be found reading simple books to Aubrey (or cousin William, when the chance arises). It's blessed me to see how motivated she's been by wanting to delight others.

:: I am playing fantasy football for the first time this year. It gives me great pleasure to announce that I beat Daniel this past week. Now, even if I lose the rest of the season, I am content.

:: My canning efforts were less this year than last, largely because I wasn't sure I was ready to take on quite as much work. The funny thing? It was such a piece of cake the second time around, free of all the jitters and insecurities of trying something new! At least we have enough strawberry jam and applesauce to get us through a good portion of the winter months, but I have made a note to myself to not be afraid next year.

:: Aubrey is still a walking, talking, galloping (her version of dancing) miracle. She remains on daily medication, but it's very standard heart disease management and much less nerve-wracking to deal with than some of the other medications she was on as an infant. This will be her fourth year receiving monthly synagis shots (medication that helps her body fight RSV), but a home healthcare nurse comes in to administer that. The cardiologists continue to say that she will need surgery and that they won't want to wait much beyond her fifth year to operate; I continue to pray and believe for a complete miracle.

In the meantime, the Make-A-Wish Foundation is putting things together to grant her a wish sometime in the next year or so, and that's very very VERY awesome. Tonight at the dinner table she was talking about it and I thought to myself that I just adore the way her eyes simultaneously squint and sparkle when she's excited!

:: We are talking lots these days about house projects and what to do when. I get alternately excited and overwhelmed. I love the dreaming and talking about what it will be like to have a real guest room again (for the first time in almost 7 years) and how much more functional the yard will be and the ways we will grow our gardens and what I want the bathrooms to look like, but I am also a little bit older and wiser after our kitchen/family room remodeling: house projects are a lot of work-- even when you're not the one doing most of the work. It's probably a very good thing we don't have the money to do everything right when we think of it or else-- between Daniel & I and our "dreaming"-- we would be living in constant chaos and upheaval!

:: I am really appreciating the community of ladies that God has surrounded me with. So many examples to look up to! So much encouragement and Godly exhortation to feed off of! So many understanding words, sympathetic hands to help, and gracious "overlooking" of shortcomings! I. am. blessed.

This morning's stream of consciousness

I am sitting by Claire's bed, where she will fall asleep as long as she knows I'm nearby and ready to require that she lay down. Sleeping has been a battle with Claire of late, but I think I'm finally figuring out exactly how much she needs (despite her protests otherwise) and how to achieve it. The thing is, the solution has involved correction and enforcement that I simply wasn't ready for. Claire is still my baby, right??? Yet here she is, interacting over sleep like an awfully big girl.

Oh the sleep issues! I know there will come a day when I very well may be fighting the reverse battle ("GET OUT OF BED!"), but for now, I just. want. her. to. sleep. It's hard to believe she was the infant who virtually slept through the night from day #1, only to now (at 11 months) seem to think that 8 hours at night (with basically non-stop nursing throughout that time) and 45 minutes during the day is plenty. This mama knows better, though, and has absolutely concluded that most of her grumpiness is the direct result of exhaustion.

Thus, the sitting by her bedside, ready to lay her back down the minute she tries to stand up. When she finally falls asleep, it really does mean a more pleasant baby later on, and that makes the drama worth it. Truth is, I wish she would just fall asleep nursing like she used to. So much easier in so many ways!

I left the older kids mid-school assignments when I came up with Claire, and I can hear the stirring of the restless down below. Oh boy!

Also, a HUGE stockpot of applesauce is warming on the stove and my canning supplies are heating up. I made the applesauce on Saturday, but I've not had a chance to put it up since then. I'm more than determined that today will be the day... and am trying to make sure that I don't let my ambition get in the way of nurturing these little people. Therein lies much of the tension of my life: the things I need to do to care for them vs. the actual care needed at this moment.

Which brings me to a confession: I might have canned the applesauce yesterday when I did, in truth, have a spare hour, except that I was getting my hair done.

Sorry to all you voters, but I went with hair cut #1. The color is neither of the options I posted, but done like a separate picture I had clipped years ago (which leads to another confession: I think it's from a doctor's office magazine!).

I really like it. I know I would have liked the second option, too, but I told Carina that I feel like I've been there, done that. I wanted something a little different, and this fits the bill rather nicely in that it's something kind of new, but still something I can manage to do (I'm a bit delinquent when it comes to styling hair, thus my girls never having french braids or curled hair or anything very interesting). The color is a blondish with copper undertones sort of thing. Also not entirely new, but something that shouldn't leave terrible roots when I'm slow to getting my hair done again... which I almost always am.

Oh brother. Listen to me trying to describe it, as if I'm totally INTO MY HAIR, which any of you who know I've been going everywhere and doing everything for the past month with a PONY TAIL know isn't a bit of truth! I would just take a picture, except that my parents have my camera in Spain. Or, rather, on their way home from Spain. Yay! It's not that I see them lots and lots during the week, but somehow knowing they're not just down the road makes me miss them. I'm so glad they're coming back!

And... she's asleep! I'll leave this stream of consciousness now with one last thought: it's a beautiful day! I really hope we can manage to find some time to enjoy it, because I can't get over how perfect it's been!

::windows into our lives::

::listening::
the ghetto:  donny hathaway
a mighty fortress:  christy nockels

::eating::
stuffed shells
homemade applesauce
espresso chip ice cream

::reading::
a lion to guard us
the house at pooh corner
star wars: jedi apprentice
the shaping of a christian family

::planning::
the official finale of our garden with a layer of fertilizer (aka "manure")
costumes for the murder mystery we're in this weekend
a new hair cut (this? or maybe this?... not sure yet)

::wanting::
a return to a regular running routine
chore cards printed out
to get the front porch pressure-washed

::watching::
kipper the dog
babies

Nine!

Daniel: I'm taking you away next week. To celebrate our anniversary.

Me (mouth gaping): But... isn't this, like, the worst time for you to go away? My dad's out of the country. Friday School starts this week. Also, it's a school week at home. And who's going to watch the kids? *blah, blah, blah... I talk a lot*

Daniel: Can you just say thank you and how excited you are?

Me: Oh, wow. Sorry. I'm a dork. Thank you!

Yes, it's true! We went away to celebrate 9 awesome years of marriage.

We stayed at the above B&B in Cooperstown, NY. I've always wanted to go to Cooperstown-- it seems so lame to have grown up just a few hours away and yet never have gone there-- and Daniel's always wanted to go there-- in sports, baseball is his first love-- and we were not disappointed. We absolutely loved the owners and the inkeeper at the B&B, as well as the other couples staying there (Daniel joked that we reduced the average age of the guests by about 30 years, but apparently we fit right in because we had great conversations around the breakfast table both mornings and found them all very enjoyable!). Cooperstown itself was great, too. Lots of history and art, quaint little shops, lovely homes, and-- of course-- baseball.

The colors everywhere were just breathtaking. This photo really doesn't do justice. The drive down and back were beautiful, as were our walks around Cooperstown. I love this time of year.

We both enjoyed the baseball hall of fame quite a bit. It was remarkable to see how the sport has changed and yet remained the same throughout the past 100+ years. I was particularly taken aback by the size of the baseball bats in the early 1900s: they were huge!

Daniel left seeming quite encouraged in his status as a die-hard Pirates fan and convinced that, in due time, his team will do well again. I have to say that I was surprised by how much great history the Pirates do have, considering how poorly they've done since I started loosely following them 9 years ago.

Claire came along with us and kept things interesting. We loved having her with us, but I'm not sure she loved the trip!

She managed the actual trip/driving exceptionally well. However, she slept exceptionally poorly and she was unhappy much of the time. I was wondering if another tooth was coming in or what was going on. Apparently, she just missed our house and her siblings because she was instantly happy upon our arrival home this afternoon, contentedly tagged behind Aubrey all evening, and went to bed without a bit of fuss tonight.

Everywhere we went, people ooh'd and ahh'd over Claire. They loved her even with her [very cute, Carol!] hat on, but the minute it came off, they almost fell over themselves admiring her hair. It didn't seem to matter if she had bags under her eyes (from not sleeping) or even if she was whining: one after another, people declared her absolutely adorable.

And then, after asking if she was our first, they almost fell over themselves again when one of us would answer, "No, our fifth."

We ordered our anniversary dinner to go last night instead of eating at the restaurant since Claire was getting particularly tired and fussy by the end of our evening walk. It seemed to both Daniel & I that we would enjoy the meal much more sitting in the cozy arm chairs in front of the wood stove back in our room at the B&B while Claire had her freedom to roam about and play with toys. It ended up being perfect. The food was great. We did our best to remember how we celebrated each of our previous anniversaries (I think we got all but 1... I guess the year Jack was a baby really was as much of a blur as it seemed!). We talked honestly about the things we appreciate about one another and the areas that we need growth in.

Like most every other couple, Daniel and I have had disagreements and challenges and plain old difficulties of life, but at the end of the day, we're confident in the Lord's leadership in our marriage and in our love and commitment to one another. I feel so blessed by that.

And definitely blessed by the time away. I'm glad Daniel knows to tell me to stop talking and just enjoy myself every once in a while!

One more

This is the last month before we get to counting by years with Claire.

Her personality is emerging more each and every day. Amazing!

She's as chubby and squishy as ever, and we love it.

It's true that we're having some battles of the wills these days, but mostly, we just laugh a lot together. 'Cause, boy, when this girl is rested she sure does love to play and laugh! (It's just getting the "rested" part taken care of that we sometimes struggle over.)

I love that I get to be with her everyday, celebrating each milestone!