Last night I told Louissa, "Stuffing stockings is my favorite part of being grown-up," and--while perhaps not entirely acurate--it is definitely one
of my favorite parts! Upon arriving home from a beautiful candlelight
service at church (Christmas Eves at CFC are definitely highlights
throughout my life), Daniel and I pajam-ed kids, shared in tea/milk and
cookies on our living room floor, and read through a children's version
of the Christmas story before bedding our little guys. And then the fun
began for me: the stuffing of the stockings. I already decided that
next year will be even more fun because I'll have yet another stocking
to stuff for this baby!

This morning we had the joy of watching Gabriel and Bronwyn look through their stockings and open all their gifts in our own home.
It felt strange to be so close to the "big" house down the street here
in Madrid and yet not share in the traditions I have known my whole
life, but I was truly loving the opportunity to begin establishing
traditions for my own children. Knowing that this home will be the one
they remember spending some of their first Christmases in made it all
the more special.

Today I have particularly appreciated having a boy and a girl a lot,
because it meant both boy and girl toys and clothing scattered about
our house as they explored their new things. We had pink flowered doll
bedding and baby doll sippie cups mingled in with matchbox cars and
Toy Story figurines, etc. Last year Bronwyn was still enough of an
infant that there weren't a lot of "girl" gifts yet!

Now we are at my parents' house. The kids are napping, Daniel is
playing a game with my family, and I am resting in the family room. I
haven't slept much at all the last two nights due to a sore hip,
nausea, and "restless legs" (which is a legitimate thing, I've learned,
so nobody can make fun of me now!), so I am tired. Thus far this
pregnancy has been uneventful and very comfortable. I can't complain.
It hardly seems possible that I am due soon, so calm and relaxed the
"baby" aspects of these last few months have been. Or maybe I just
haven't had time to notice pregnancy in light of all the other
goings-on in my life. At any rate, to just now, at 37+ weeks, be
feeling discomforts of any sorts is nothing to be bothered by, that's
for sure.

Our house is really wonderful. This past week we've finally been able
to do some "real" life in it, and it's a great place. I love having a formal
dining room. The other night, I put dinner on the table and was so
pleased to have all the dirty dishes from cooking hidden through the
doorway into the kitchen. The dining room was lit with candles and
treelight, the table was set with Christmas napkins, and everything was
clean! Of course, a mess waited for me in the other room, but that's
okay! At least I got to enjoy the meal without the presence of my
waiting chores!

Sometime soon I'd like to have a house warming of sorts. Maybe. Part of
me feels way too tired for such things, but the other part wants to
share this latest blessing with others!

Merry Christmas to all!

Today as worship began, I found myself suddenly aware of how strange it
is that he hasn't come up to me yet and said, "Whoa--you've got a kid inside of you. We were, like, in kindergarten together and now you've got a kid inside
of you." I'm not sure what provoked the thought; perhaps it's
remembering two years ago when I was home for Christmas, pregnant then,
as well, when he said those words to me. But the emotional part of me
that knows no reason and struggles to accept reality couldn't
understand why I haven't laughed with him over this seemingly "playing
grown-up" that I'm doing.

I am so aware of his absence at times. I can't even imagine how those who shared daily life with him feel.

O Come, o come, Emmanuel...

Only You can right all this, Lord.

We've officially been in our house since Tuesday. It's been really nice
to, once again, have a place that is slowly becoming "home". I'm
finding that routines I'd thought were lost forever (mostly personal
ones like quiet times and such) are not so hard to re-discover. I'm
also finding that the task of settling into a house is a much bigger project
than I'd once anticipated.

Christmas lights, holiday music, stockings and presents and carols...
It's amazing that even though I'm rather behind this year
with Christmas preparations and feeling less than prepared for next
week, the season is yet upon us. Without cookies or wassail or the
perfect paper napkins, we are celebrating His birth and all that His
birth means. I miss the traditional elements a lot and hope to never
repeat the lack thereof again; and yet I am thankful for a year that is
causing me to realize how amazing His gift of life truly is. We don't
need "the works" to make this season momentous--the Baby in the manger
is that wonderful.

We had a LIFE Group/Christmas gathering with the students at our house last night. Only a bit before everyone arrived our hot water got hooked up and we were stashing miscellaneous boxes that still need to be sorted through (though probably won't be, realistically, for at least another few weeks, if not months!). Mom and Danica helped me with some final holiday decorating--I have yet to see the house in a "normal" decor, but it certainly goes well with Christmas!--and they did vacuuming and party set up, too.

The party was fun, especially since it was at our house. This house has been much-anticipated not only by us, but by a lot of the students. Of course, many of them headed out on the early end of the evening in order to study, but a couple hung out until very late.

We ended up spending the night there since we'd laid the kids down in their beds hours beforehand, even though that hadn't been the plan. We could have dragged them out in the cold and down the street to my parents', as we'd figured we'd do, or go retrieve some necessary toiletries and just join them there. Since it was after midnight, the latter option sounded a lot better! Of course, we left this morning shortly after waking up and showering/dressing to come back here to Nana and Papa's because there is absolutely no food in our house right now! One glance in our refrigerator will prove my point: choose from juice or half and half. That's it. Period. Guess the next step in getting really settled there is doing some shopping.

It really is a wonderful house. I look forward to having lots more people over in the days ahead. Hopefully this baby will hang out where he/she is for a while and let me get lots and lots of hostessing in before an arrival!

I woke this morning to a beautiful snowfall. So amazing... so clean. Like my heart, before the Lord. Jesus is wonderful.

Aren't you glad we spend a whole month of every year celebrating His coming?

Aren't you glad we can spend each moment in His presence since He's come?

Aren't you glad we'll spend forever with Him because of He came?

I am.

--I spent the last two hours stringing popcorn for our Christmas tree. The reason? This year's tree is much bigger than previous trees, due to having more house to "fill", so the ribbon we've always hung on our trees is not quite enough to do the trick; I thought popcorn would be an inexpensive and fun way to fill in the gaps. Sometimes my good ideas become rather time consuming. This would be one of them.

--If each of you could hear Bronwyn say, "Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh!" in her repetative and adorable way, your day would be instantly brighter. She really is one of the prettiest little girls ever. (The amazing thing is how she daily becomes more of a girl and less of a baby.)

--Between my love for chocolate and need for hot drinks, I have consumed far too much hot cocoa in the last few days. At least once every twenty-four hours you can find me heating water on the stove and preparing my mug. I can take it with or without milk and with or without mini marshmallows--just make sure it has plenty of cocoa.

--The mold that had grown all over the crib bumper (don't ask--it's a long story) is almost completely faded. For a brief two days I thought I had lost $150 to carelessness, and it seriously did bring me to tears. That crib bedding is the one thing Daniel and I have really splurged on in our married life, knowing the crib would be well used. But all is not lost. In fact, the mold is completely dead (between laundry detergent, oxy-clean, RIT and hot water, I'm confident of that!) and barely visable until you get up close. Perhaps at some point in the future I'll replace the bumper since the fabric is a bit faded now, too, but for now, what we have will continue to serve our babies.

--I kind of like the story of St. Nicholas, and I definitely like folk-art Santas. Personally, the jolly fellow doesn't offend me. I just don't like how most Santa stuff represents the ridiculous commercialization of Christmas.

--It has been several weeks since I last read a book. Today my mom was helping the girls with their school and I found myself struggling to remember the answers to the questions she was asking. When I visited Jamie at PHC and sat in on his class, I was completely lost the entire time. The worst thought associated with homeschooling my children is having to re-learn Algebra so I can teach them. But I can make a mean PB&J and I'm a pro at changing diapers anywhere. What can all this mean?!?!

--To hang icicle lights or not? That, my friends, is the question.

My back is sore but my heart content. In spite of minor setbacks (the kitchen cupboards are not
hung due to slower-than-predicted-drying stain), we are making progress. The
bathrooms at the new house are scrubbed clean and towels are hanging on
racks. There is a great big tree standing in our dining room,
overlooking the living room and waiting for this evening's decking of
the halls. I have re-organized children's clothing because, believe it
or not, we've been living out of suitcases for so long, I had summer
clothes to put away in boxes and winter clothes not yet retrieved.
Lightbulbs are in lamps, books are on shelves, and shades are hung at
windows. In fact, if you ignore the mound of boxes along the walls of
the dining room--all waiting to be emptied into kitchen cabinets--the
house looks rather settled! Daniel even hung my Christmas wreaths (all
10 of them!) in 20* weather.

Up until now, I haven't really been "feeling" pregnant, other than
being tired. But today as I lugged boxes around and bent over bathtubs,
I fully and completely knew the reality of being 35 weeks along. What I
can't understand is how pregnancy seems to make one weaker. Why is it
that I'm struggling over boxes I was easily moving around only three
months ago?

At any rate, we will eat dinner shortly and then make the quick drive
down the road to our house with the kids, where we'll decorate our tree
and open a few early gifts. While Christmas shopping last month, I
picked up some books that wonderfully tell the Christmas story and,
since we didn't own any like that, I bought them and have planned on
wrapping them up and giving them to Gabriel and Bronwyn early in the
hopes that, as we read them, they will begin to understand what all
this celebration is about. Tonight we will again return to my parents'
instead of sleeping in our home (one can't really hang out too long in
a house that doesn't have hot water or a functioning kitchen), but our
tree will be beautiful and we will have shared our first evening of
"living" there.

I just wish I could share this home with all of you.

Daniel is over at the house, staining the kitchen cupboards. He warned me not to expect him back tonight--he's hoping to finish the job. The poor man is working so hard, and the fault is really mine.

This morning I had a bit of a panic attack: There are only 2 and a 1/2 weeks until Christmas and I don't even have the cookie sheets unpacked, let alone the decorations out or our advent calendar being used, and we're never going to have another Christmas with Gabriel and Bronwyn the ages the are and with Bronwyn as the "baby" and I feel like I'm losing opportunities every day... and even if I can pull things together enough to fake our way through the holidays, after that I only have 2 and 1/2 weeks until this baby is due and as much as we're all guessing I'll go late, that still doesn't give me a whole lot of time, and we don't even own a dresser to put baby clothes that aren't yet washed in or the carseat located or anything... and you know what life is like after a new baby--me easily undone and the house in disarray even if it started out organized and caught up, and this time around we won't even be starting with things running semi-smoothly...

I was overwhelmed.

The whole family (minus Carina, who worked) left to locate and cut down wonderful Christmas trees for the three Sinclair-related households while Bronwyn and I stayed home. I couldn't find Bronwyn's snowsuit in any of the boxes in our new house, nor do I own a winter coat that fits around my belly, so the two of us remained here at the house. She took an early nap while I spent some time in quiet and began to mentally break things down, yet again. What can I try to do right now? And, sure enough, in spite of how out of control of this whole housing situation I feel, there were a couple projects I could begin working on so as to eliminate some of the stress.

Tonight, I am relieved. There's still a lot to do, but I finished the holiday newsletter that will go inside the Christmas cards I aim to get in the mail next week. Some creative thinking and a few "loaner" pieces of furniture from Mom will help meet the needs of our family in the short-term until I can find some things worthy of spending money on. I put together the Christmas wreaths I purchased faux greenery and fruit for while in Williamsburg (and they do look beautiful, if I say so myself!), so tomorrow or the next day at least the outside of our house will be decorated for the holidays, even if the inside is a bit of a mess.

Tomorrow--assuming Daniel really does get the job done in spite of my anxious requests that he not push himself so hard--the kitchen cupboards will be re-hung on the walls and I will have a home that can really be moved into. All the boxes of kitchen stuff that are piled in the dining room and living room can be put away, which means I'll actually have some space to figure out where the great tree cut down today can be put. Some bleach and a vacuum cleaner will dramatially improve the look of the house. And whatever can't be figured out and doesn't need to be tackled in the next few months will be stashed in the long closet upstairs to be sorted at some later date.

This morning I woke up and was beside myself. Tonight I am ready to take this thing one step at a time. The difference? Grace--from God and husband.

We are returned.

The house is a mess. But progress is being made.

Daniel is working hard.

I am a bit emotional about it all.

Soon. Very, very soon.

(The pregnant picture was taken two days ago and is to satisfy long-distance friends. It's not exactly my favorite photo!)