stretching

It's one of those seasons. The kind where I feel myself being pulled a little bit more taut, a little bit further, a little bit harder. The kind when I wish it were that I could just say I've bitten off more than I can chew and then simply pull back, but really I know that it's the Lord growing and expanding and putting some good, Holy Spirit pressure on me.

Pressure to dig in, in new ways. Pressure to be a little bit more to a few more. Pressure to hear from Him afresh.

My children are no longer all little ones. As terrifying a thought as it can at times be, I have had to acknowledge that we are growing beyond "the early years" with our older ones-- especially my oldest, whose tendency toward analysis and introspection is perhaps catapulting him toward growing up faster than I would often choose. Heart to hearts and grappling with sin and yielding already-firmly-formed habits to Jesus are becoming a deeper and regular and necessary occurrence.

And yet even as I am feeling the stretching of a new season beginning to engulf us, I'm a mama to a 9-week-old, I am in the throes of the turbulent toddler years with another, I am trying to make sure I find time to sit and read to the 4-year-old who is content enough to let me forget about her altogether if I am not careful, I'm working with a struggling early learner, I am guarding an 8-year-old's childhood, I am schooling and cooking and laundering and cheering and correcting and all the other myriad of things that come with the title Mother.

Of course I feel unequal to the task.
Of course I am unequal to the task.

What a comfort it is to know that He is ready to pour out all grace, all wisdom, all hope, all blessing that I need. What I lack in pedigree, skill, and knowledge, He gives to me each day in the amazing form of Himself in me. What a blessed thought.

"Know Me. Abide in Me. Find your strength in Me. Discover joy in Me. Rest in Me."

My choice is you, God, first and only. And now I find I’m your choice! 
You set me up with a house and yard. And then you made me your heir! 
The wise counsel God gives when I’m awake is confirmed by my sleeping heart. 
Day and night I’ll stick with God; I’ve got a good thing going and I’m not letting go. 
I’m happy from the inside out, and from the outside in, I’m firmly formed. 
You canceled my ticket to hell— that’s not my destination! 
Now you’ve got my feet on the life path, all radiant from the shining of your face. 
Ever since you took my hand, I’m on the right way.

Psalm 16:7-11
 

 My book-end boys: 2 months and almost 11 years old.
How I love them, and each one in-between.
I wouldn't trade this calling to motherhood for any riches, fame, or opportunity in the world!