I don't, but He does

It's Wednesday evening and we have reached the midway point in the week.

I'd be lying if I didn't confess to there being a small part of me that wishes it was the end of the week.

I'm tired, you know. Not because my life is so busy or I'm so important, but just because... well... it's a physically-demanding season I'm in. (That's okay, by the way. A physically-demanding season, that is.)

Sometimes I wake up in the morning and instead of being thankful that I slept through the night (or close to it, anyway: getting up to use the bathroom hardly counts when compared to getting up to nurse an infant every few hours), I wonder if I have what it takes for another day.

This morning that thought went through my mind. Yesterday was a long-ish sort of day in the homeschooling department. As if Elliot's destruction and tantrums weren't enough to make me edgy, there was plenty of other bits of fodder for that. Small things, but things that pile up until eventually you're pretty sure the straw will break the camel's back.

Things like...

Me: What sound starts the word "sandwich"?
Her: "Ssssss."
Me: Good. What letter says "ssss"?
Her, with a quizzical look: "C"?
What I said: No, but I understand why you thought that.
What I actually thought: Breathe deeply, Brietta. Pretend you haven't had this conversation 100x on other days before now.
What I then said: It's the letter "S" that says "ssss".
She nods.

Me: Okay. What sound starts the word "sandwich"?

Her: "Ssssss."

Me: Good. What letter says "ssss"?

Her, with a quizzical look: "C"?

Repeat. Repeat again. And again. Yup... and again.

Conclude (once again) that the names of letters are stupid and who cares as long as she knows the sounds and can make words with them.

Finish what I can in terms of homeschooling and homemaking feeling pretty much defeated and worn down by the toddler and what we didn't get done and-- just before feeling certain I have absolutely nothing left in me to give to this day-- pack myself in the vehicle and leave for the 1-1/2 hour drive to my 30-week midwife appointment. I feel thankful for a husband who doesn't blink twice as I give dinner instructions and who tells me how proud he is of me as I say good-bye, but mostly I climb into the truck wearily and feeling a whole lot sorry for myself.

Sorry that I can't just stay home and enjoy my husband's evening off with him.

Sorry that better medical care isn't available to me locally.

Sorry that I'm even in a predicament that forces me beyond the medical options available locally.

Sorry that my toddler outdid me.

Sorry that I get frazzled by silly things.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

But He, in His love, doesn't leave me there.

Ever.

And even now, when I think about that, tears fill my eyes because the truth is, I would leave myself there if I could.

Instead, He reminds me of His presence. He reminds me of this beautiful salvation He's given. He reminds me of the privilege I have of coming to Him in prayer. He reminds me of His faithfulness. He reminds me of the gifts in my life, abundant and plentiful and humbling. He reminds me of my status in His family. He reminds me of my future in Christ.

And when I wake up this morning and I wonder if I have what it takes for another day, He reminds me:

No, you don't. But I do.

Aubs

I just wrote about Aubrey's special 6-year-old party, but I couldn't overlook today being her actual birthday!

I suppose birthdays will always be especially poignant with her. How can they not be, when there were very real fears six years ago that we would never see such milestones as these?

God has been faithful to Aubrey. He has been faithful to us. I celebrate His undeserved goodness. I rejoice in each miracle along the way. I am beyond thankful for the privilege of being Aubrey's mom. I count the amazing, amazing ways He has blessed me through her.

Another year, another miracle!

our very own Little Red Riding Hood

This past Saturday, we celebrated Aubrey's long-anticipated sixth birthday. Ohmy would this day ever come? she wondered.

And at last, it did.

But let me rewind.

Growing up, my mom established a few "big" birthday years for us kids. I think she [wisely] anticipated being either fried by trying to do a huge bash every year for every kid, or else dropping the ball at some point. I'm sure both would have most likely happened if she hadn't seen the train comin'.

I liked the pattern so much, and then our own little family grew so quickly (Gabriel was barely 4-1/2 years old when Aubrey, baby #4, arrived on the scene), that I decided we would do something similar in our home. Most years, we celebrate with some family, perhaps a friend or two, and a simple lunch/dinner of the birthday boy/girl's choosing. While we still haven't quite figured out what all the "big" celebration years will be and what exactly they will look like, one thing is firmly established: turning 6 means a bigger guest list, a party theme, games and prizes, and the whole enchilada.

[Well, the whole enchilada if you don't consider a bouncy house and clowns to be essential, because we've never had either of those.]

At least two years ago-- maybe even three, though my memory fails me on exactly when-- Aubrey decided her sixth birthday would be a Little Red Riding Hood Party. Being the stubborn and choleric little girl that she is, she never wavered once from that decision. I didn't try to persuade her out of it either because, well, Little Red Riding Hood sounded quite delightful and unusual to me.

It ended up being a bit harder to plan than anticipated. Apparently many Little Red Riding Hood parties aren't quite as *ahem* innocent and little girlish as I'd figured they must be. Consequently, there are no pre-designed paper napkins or Pin The Hood On Red Riding Hood games to be bought. Thank goodness for pinterest is all I can say. It helped spur me onto a path of picnic/woods theme that ended up being quite delightful.

And quite simple!

Supplies included the most wonderful invitations custom-made by my friend, Dollar Tree baskets, lots of cheap fabric and ribbon from Walmart, accumulated-over-the-years berry baskets and half-pint mason jars, wood from the backyard, photocopied pages from a much-loved copy of Little Red Riding Hood, and a whole lot of hot glue.

Oh, and the cutest little handmade wolf mask that Aubrey's cousin-friend guest William came wearing.

The dining room ended up being the focal point of much of my energies. I had contemplated doing an outdoor table, but the forecast looked iffy and I didn't relish the thought of a last-minute relocation indoors. I cut lots and lots of fabric pennants, hot glued them to red and white baking twine, and that helped set a picnic mood.

$1 baskets lined with inexpensive fabric became the perfect place setting and inspired a very simple picnic-lunch theme. After being offered whatever she wanted for the menu (including the rare and indulgent treat of cold cuts), she chose peanut butter and nutella sandwiches, sun chips, pink lemonade, and bananas.

Lord love ya, Aubrey.

And, of course, cake.

Made by Aunt Beanz, who will try her hand at anything for these little nieces and nephews of hers. Aubrey was beyond thrilled.

If you know me, you know I'm not much for games at parties. I generally forget that such things even exist. In other words: if you've always dreamed of a baby shower with baby-food-tasting games, don't ask me to host.

But I do my best for these #6 parties of my kids.

Fortunately, 6-year-olds are easily amused, so the game selection isn't difficult. And even their grown-up guests are very obliging!

We went with musical chairs (set to the tune of "Into The Woods"), a good old fashioned sack race, and a plastic food scavenger hunt. The sack race was the funniest to watch; the scavenger hunt seemed to be the kids' hands-down favorite.

What party is complete without gifts? And Aubrey was showered with them. As they arrived, she seemed absolutely blown away. The wide-eyed wonder-- all this for me?-- is one tremendous fringe benefit of having small celebrations most years.

I was a little tentative going into party day. After all, if Aubrey had been dreaming of this party for so much of her short life, would I be able to deliver? It was a slightly intimidating question!

I needn't have worried.

She was queen for a day, a conscientious host (even going so far as to lose musical chairs on purpose to make sure a guest won the prize for it), and the cutest Little Red Riding Hood I've ever seen.

What special memories of a special girl and her many special friends, the kind this mama tucks away to remember for years and years and years to come.

first day

Today was Back To School day in the little yellow house.

It went pretty well, I must say. I was ready for worse. Much, much worse.

(Is that the cynic/pessimist in me coming out? Probably.)

All in all, much of our routine from last year remained the same. I had to rearrange some of the distribution of my own time/energy in order to prioritize Aubrey a bit more, but that was really it. And in addition to the flow of our day staying much the same, we are maintaining our summer chore chart-- for now, anyway-- which means the kids are all still very familiar with their assigned tasks.

I'm learning all the time how much to manage. I need to organize enough that I don't end up trying to work with all four kids on their most challenging subjects at the same time, while staying hands-off and flexible enough to let life happen. It takes a lot of on-going tweaking.

Which is why I use pencil.

The kids were super excited, for the most part.

Particularly a certain redhead who is just excited about everything these days, mostly thanks to her fast-approaching "big" 6-year-old Little Red Riding Hood party-- which she has only been planning for, oh... two years!

She arrived downstairs this morning by 6:30, dressed from head to toe in an outfit she told me she picked out especially for today and with instructions about how exactly she wanted her hair done.

Our Homeschooling At Its Finest moment came pretty early on during read aloud. I paused for a minute to realize how unique and downright special it is that I get to have all my kids, ages 17 months through 10-1/2 years, in one room. I don't want to take it for granted!

Even Claire got in on the day, and I was armed and ready with some inexpensive preschool workbooks for her. This isn't something I've really done much in the past (my preferred preschool activities/assignments are Play Nicely By Yourself and Look At Books Quietly), but this girl is my little eager-beaver and she is very good about not needing much from me, so I humored her.

I forgot how much more time everything takes the first few days as I'm teaching different ones how to use various books/programs, issuing many reminders about the good table manners necessary in order for us to share a close space, and going over all the basics again. It wasn't until I sat down for dinner that I realized I hadn't really paused to catch my breath for even a second the whole day, due to everything just taking a little bit longer.

Still, we had a lot of fun in the midst of all the review and I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it thoroughly. There are so many moments along the way that make all the work so much more than worth it.

Moments like Gabriel and Bronwyn doing language together and laughing giddily as they shared their silly example sentences with each other. Moments like Aubrey asking if she could please just do a little bit more? Moments like seeing Jackson write out his first science observation: "Did you nowk that God put all the planets just rite so that earth doesn't totter in its orbit?"

I just love homeschooling.

I really, really do!