rewards & consequences

It seems that on a regular basis, we need fresh life breathed into our chore system here in the Paladin home. I'd say it's the kids, but it's me, too. I get off track with inspecting and praising completed work just as much (and probably more!) as they get off track with doing the chores they are supposed to be doing.

Generally, I update our chore chart each fall. This year, I had to put out a new one in January, too, because some things about the fall one just weren't working any more.

As I was recently sharing with a friend, the system of rewards/consequences has to change at least as often, it seems.

Sometimes the reward is a pat on the back and a "Job well done!" from Daddy and I. Sometimes it's a treat from a candy jar. Sometimes it's simply not having a privilege removed. I like to keep this changing, but one thing I'm still learning: rewards and consequences are an essential part of teaching responsibility.

About a month or so ago (right around the beginning of the year), I felt ready to pull my hair out with the lack of thoroughness when it came to chores. In a moment of desperation, I vented to Daniel, "I don't know how to get these kids to a place where I am not calling them back repeatedly to do the job right!"

"Well, what happens if they don't do it right?" he asked.

"They have to do it again. And again. And again! Until they do it according to our standards. And theoretically, that should inconvenience them enough that they start doing it properly the first time-- but apparently it doesn't!"

"What are you doing for rewards and consequences right now?"

"Um... not call them back if they do a good job, and call them back if they do?" was my response.

"Well, obviously that's not enough of an inconvenience. We need to up the ante!"

Thus the Media Jar came into existence.

The Media Jar was a little bit my brain-child, a little bit his. I'm not sure who thought of it first, but we concluded that we might be able to tackle the requests to play Temple Run or watch Backyardigans or play games on the Upward website-- and who has done what recently-- right along with providing fresh motivation for chores in one fell swoop.

What it is: a mason jar filled with small green tickets that each say, "FIVE" on them. Each ticket represents five minutes of screen time (computer, iPhone, movies, etc).

How it works: for each chore the child has to do (example: clean the bathroom, wash the water bottles, meal duty, laundry, etc.), they have the opportunity to earn THREE tickets. In order to earn three, they must do their chore instantly, cheerfully, and thoroughly. If they fail in one of these areas, they automatically lose the corresponding ticket. This is generally enough to quickly correct that failure.

As they earn tickets, I put them in an envelope with their name on it.

 

To redeem them, they have to ask if it would be a good time and if what they're thinking of is acceptable at that moment. Generally, we find that the kids like to save up enough tickets for a movie or to play a game of wii Madden football; the tickets rarely get used for 5 minutes of Angry Birds or whatnot, though this is simply because it's what they seem to prefer. Saving up 80-90 minutes worth of Media Tickets usually takes them 2-3 weeks, as each child has about 2-4 chores assigned per day (we don't do tickets for things like 5 Fingers, practicing instruments, etc.).

The results: they are doing their work with more attention given to all three aspects of a job well done and we have less time spent on and more accountability with media.

I particularly appreciate that it gives me the opportunity to not just give a blanket "Job well done" or "Job not well done" to each task, but to really break it down and talk about attitudes, timeliness, and diligence. We've all seen plenty of people (and sometimes are those people!) who can get the job done, but grumble the whole time. Or perhaps are cheerful, but often late and take too long to complete tasks. Or still yet, are pleasant and prompt, but cut corners and do the minimum to get by.

This system will, undoubtedly, be replaced at some point by another (they all are). Perhaps it will be something less tangible, depending on the season and what we feel our children need to learn at that time. But for now, this system is a huge help with inspiring the children and practically assisting me in keeping them accountable in both work and entertainment.