a tribute to my husband

I was uploading and sorting photos yesterday and getting a bit of a reality check about how far behind in this process I've allowed myself to get and-- worse yet-- how many photos I haven't taken this calendar year. *cringe* I am not a keeper and I am not one given to tremendous amounts of sentimentality, but when it comes to photos, they're one of the few material things I really do treasure. The memories and history they represent are pretty much priceless to me.

But in sorting the photos I do have, I couldn't help but realize how many are of Daniel working on projects for me, holding a baby or a toddler, playing ball with one of the boys, reading a book to the girls, putting something together for one of the kids.

He's a really good man.




I know I've got a major bias (!), but I also know that I see him at his best, his worst, his rawest, his most vulnerable.

And that is perhaps why one of the most remarkable things to me about him is how authentic he is.

He is the same here, there, everywhere, with everyone, at all times. And I mean that.

He loves God. He loves people. He is hopeful and faith-filled. He is pleasant and easy-going. He is slow to criticize and quick to help (a trait I have come to value all the more as I see many in my generation seemingly opt for sitting on the sidelines to critique instead of jumping in to serve). He has lots of ideas but isn't attached to any of them more than he is attached to whatever will build the Kingdom of God. He works hard. He will try anything.

He doesn't speak harsh words and he is deeply kind. He will be the first to apologize and he will always stand by what he knows is true. He is long-suffering. He doesn't need fanfare or human recognition of himself or anything he's doing to determine whether or not it is of value; God is absolutely his one and only Judge. He is a peace maker. He will have the hard conversations when needed. He keeps the standard and he gives second chances. He loves the Church global and he loves the church local.

He's a good dad. A fun dad. An invested dad. I've seen him play ball with the boys, which of course he loves, and then the next minute ooh and ahh with Aubrey as she shows him all the things in the American Girl catalog that she thinks are wonderful, even though most of it means nothing to him! He'll spend an hour putting a rocket together just to see the look on the kids' faces as it takes off. He's the one who removes splinters, fixes toys and jewelry, and tells them to shake off the latest spill. He is a just authority and he is a sympathetic leader.

He is unendingly good to me. I've told him before and I'll tell him again: I've seen Jesus more clearly because of the way he loves me. He is sacrificial and he is merciful. He builds and restores me continually with the Word of God. He shows me in everyday life just how deep and long patience can run. He helps me laugh and he reminds me to have fun. He serves me relentlessly and protects me fiercely.

Perhaps tributes like this are usually reserved for momentous occasions or significant milestones, but today, as my heart overflows and my words are ready, I wanted to put down for me to see in years to come, for my children to read when they are older, for others to hear: when a human vessel yields himself to the Holy Spirit, deep and remarkable things come out of his life. Things that perhaps the world will not take note of or comment on or regard, but things that the ones closest and dearest to can't help but be touched by; things that leave the mark of eternity on our hearts.

perspective

This morning when I woke up, I didn't feel happy.

It was even earlier than Elliot's usual 5:45am wake-up, a time which will perhaps always feel simply wrong to me.

I had the same throbbing headache I'd gone to bed with.

My feet didn't hit the floor, but rather the bags of maternity clothes returned/lent to me by my sister several weeks ago that have yet to be sorted and put away. Feet hitting untidied things is not a pleasant experience for me.

I lifted the baby from his crib, only to realize that his extra-early waking was due to a messy, leaking diaper. Gross.

That's all the kind of start to my day that it takes for my meditation to spiral downward. I am not, after all, a morning person by nature. Next thing I know, I can be thinking about the things that seem much more overwhelming, and much more wrong, and much more unfair, and much more unchanging.

Oh! the grumps were at my door. Complaints were just begging to be issued. Believe me, I was tempted to dress up my bad attitude as simply "pouring my heart out before the Lord," but I knew full well that I wasn't looking to communicate with and receive an answer from Him; I just wanted an excuse to grumble.

Without it being a conscious thought, my mind suddenly (thanks, Jesus) was rehearsing the Scripture passage we've been memorizing as a family:

Therefore, having been justified by faith,
we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Peace with God.

What an amazing gift.

How can I stay annoyed with my circumstances, my truly light afflictions, in light of such Truth?

But the free gift is not like the offense.
For if by the one man's offense many died,
much more the grace of God
and the gift by the grace of the one Man, Jesus Christ,
abounded to many.

Isn't it amazing what a little perspective can do for us?

In that moment, as my semi-conscience blended into my conscience thought, I realized I had a choice: complain, murmur, spout about the things I don't like, don't have, don't see, don't do well at, and more; or see the goodness of God in all its glory, permeating the daily grind and the dullest moments.

It isn't just that He's done amazing things. He is amazing. And therefore I know that He will continue to be amazing and to do amazing things, right in the midst of the most basic and the greatest of life's challenges. It's who He is.

Now hope does not disappoint,
because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts
by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

 

out of commission

It's a slow morning for me around here. I feel more pregnant-sick today than I have any day yet this pregnancy, which makes little sense since I'm 15 weeks along and should be "beyond" this based on my past history and even how I've been feeling the past few weeks, but reality often has little to do with predictions or shoulds.

Oddly enough, my house is humming along exactly as usual without me steering a thing. This is a relatively new and still rather strange phenomenon for me.

Gabriel made oatmeal while Bronwyn helped Claire get ready for the day and Jackson and Aubrey had their quiet times.
They all ate breakfast, older ones helping/feeding younger ones, and then those on meal duty cleaned up while the others got to their daily chores.
I managed to get some laundry rolling so that now there are rooms being dusted, bathrooms being cleaned, machines cleaning dishes and clothes, and a vacuum being run.

For years, I knew hoped this day would come. Here it is, and I'm feeling quite amazed. Sometimes the fruit that is ripening right before my eyes goes unnoticed-- probably because I've been staring at it for so many years wondering when the tree would produce that I've missed many of the subtle changes taking place-- but then there are times like this when I think, "No, it's not all perfect. Yes, the glass usually seems half empty to me. True, we had a major character/attitude setback just a day or two ago. Honestly, this moment could vanish before I finish typing this sentence. But right now, right here, is a good reminder that patience and investment and training does produce in time."

I'm sure I'm a little done in from an out-of-the-house weekend followed by an all-day trip to Syracuse yesterday for Aubrey's cardiology appointment. I haven't gone the last few times, but with more questions on my mind than Daniel felt he could accurately remember and translate to the cardiologist on his own, a graciously-granted last minute request to my mom to watch 4 of the kids resulted in Elliot and I joining Daniel and Aubrey for the familiar trek down and back.

We found out at Aubrey's appointment that this morning is actually when the cardiologists had scheduled to pow-wow about Aubrey, following her MRI a little less than a month ago. They continue to discuss and debate two options for her, but have yet to come to a unanimous decision about which route to go. Both options involve open heart surgery, but the question is which of two types of surgery to do and how many stages should they plan for. We had the opportunity to talk very frankly about both possibilities and to hear directly from Aubrey's cardiologist the different risks associated with them, with multiple stages, etc. They are many and they are real and we are praying for wisdom for them even right now and for a word from the Lord for us as we proceed.

("Don't you wish you could be a fly on the wall in their conference?" Daniel whispered to me as we walked out of the office. Without a doubt, I do!)

The doctor suggested that whenever we hear from them about their decision that we set up a time to go to Strong Memorial, where they are recommending Aubrey have surgery, to tour the facility and meet with their pediatric cardiology surgeon. In addition, they will help us get a second opinion and recommend that we plan to go either to Boston or CHOP. I feel very blessed that the top two highest ranking pediatric cardiology hospitals in the country are within easy driving distance.

We were also told that they rarely do open heart surgery during the winter months unless absolutely necessary (makes sense), and since Aubrey is not in an emergency situation, we can most likely plan on the fall or spring.

Aubrey, of course, loved her appointment-- as always. They all treat her like royalty (I truly do love their practice) and she delights in their questions and interest and pampering. It was fun to spend the day together, just the four of us, and this morning Aubrey's "thankful" at the breakfast table was for such a special day yesterday. God has fashioned her with a remarkable resilience and courage that has really made all the appointments and tests and procedures over the years a simple and even peaceful process. We have much to be thankful for in that!

But yes, today is recovery day for this mama! It is damp and dreary this morning, which seems altogether fitting for laying low and reading books and ignoring the overgrown lawn and the weeds that threaten to take over what an annoying family of rabbits has actually left untouched in the vegetable garden and the flower bed that is still half-buried by the neighbor's tree that fell over 10 days ago in a windstorm.

Despite feeling a lot sick, a little helpless, and very much not in control after a day like yesterday, I am perhaps more aware this morning of how truly I am not in the driver's seat all the time. I watch my children very capably do the things that somehow I think they absolutely need me for and am reminded that I am not indispensable. I listen to cardiologists talk of things like the risks of adjustment to major heart surgery and heart transplants and relatively untried procedures and am reminded that my feeble attempts at protecting and shielding are just that: feeble.

It's not such a bad place, really. Not when I know the trustworthiness of the One who really is in control, who goes before and stands behind and hems me in!

 

when it rains...

...I start thinking ahead! After all, we're finished with this school year. It's too damp to play in the gardens. The kids have been lost in playmobil and calico critter worlds in their bedrooms. The baby had a fever. Tell me: what else is a mom supposed to do on such occasions???

And honestly, I'd been thinking as we finished up this school year that I wanted to do as much planning as possible for next year while I'm still somewhat in Paperwork/School Mode-- rather than realizing on July 17th that I've forgotten we even homeschool and that I have four IHIPs (individualized home instruction plans) due in two days!

So while it's rained and we're stuck inside not doing any of the things that scream Summer! to me, planning I've done.

I tore out all the old planning and pages from my trusty 3-ring binder. I printed new calendar and planning pages for the coming school year and got it all freshly organized. And I started making lists.

[Confession: I love lists and planning. This is in no way a chore for me. But sometimes I do get ahead of myself. Like last week when I started googling rhubarb recipes because I was just so excited about the rhubarb I purchased a local nursery that should be producing for us in, oh, just two years!]

Our coming school year is shaping up, and I'm excited. I feel like I am slowly getting better and better at knowing how to streamline, focus, and prioritize. I stub my toe on this a bit each year, but I think I'm learning. Bit by bit, anyway. A good friend and I reminded each other the other day that curriculum is simply a tool and not the goal; but we also reminded each other that it is a tool and having the right tools sure does help get the job done more efficiently, painlessly, and successfully! I suppose in the same way my husband gets excited about a new weed whacker or jigsaw, I get excited about curriculum.

In 2013-2014 I'll have four kids officially enrolled (and requiring paperwork-- which is honestly only as difficult as remembering to turn it in, but don't get me started on how hard that is!) in 1st, 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade. What I'm thinking we'll do:

Math

Teaching Textbooks 3, 5, and 6 for the 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders. Need I say more? This will be our third year using Teaching Textbooks and I haven't looked back for a minute. It has been a terrific fit for both of my oldest two children (although they are very different learners when it comes to math). And with so many kids to continue shuffling through each grade, the cost doesn't even make me flinch!

Aubrey will use Bob Jones Math K5 (we started this last year, but I quickly realized she needed more basic practice with fine motor skills, so we shelved the book in favor of strengthening her foundation!). Bob Jones math is my favorite for the early grades. It's a simple, all-in-one workbook that has plenty of interest in the pages for young ones while not being too crowded a layout for this tired mama's eyes. I feel that it's thorough and systematic without being laborious or tiresome.

Handwriting

Getty-Dubay Italic Handwriting Series for all, books A - F accordingly! I have used GD since the very beginning and continue to be pleased. If it ain't broke, don't fix it!

Literature/Reading

This past year we were part of a collaborative literature study group with a few other homeschooling families once a week, working together through about 1 book every 6 weeks or so. My 3rd-5th graders will all be part of this again, which I am more enthusiastic about that I can even really say. It has been so good for them.

I also do daily read aloud as the first part of our school morning (after chores, that is!) each day. We usually read through a book that fits with what we are studying in literature class and history at home.

My 1st grader and I will be focusing on getting established in reading this year, in addition to continuing to enjoy our joint read aloud time. I will again use a terrific book by Ruth Beechick called A Home Start in Reading that teaches a method for learning to read that I have LOVED using with the other children. I dabbled in this proven method a bit with Aubrey last year, but I was not as faithful with her as I should have been. This will be a major priority for 2013-2014! (And it will be good for both of us to grow accordingly!)

History

Last year I quickly abandoned any formal curriculum in favor of taking advantage of all that we were reading and talking about through our collaborative literature group. If we were reading a book about the Titanic then we studied the Edwardian period, various social classes/distinctions, how travel and inventions were changing in the early 1900s, various significant figures on the Titanic and what they represented in their time, etc. If we were reading a book about an orphan in New York City in 1927, we took advantage of mentions of the Harlem Renaissance, various musicians and artists, immigration and how that was changing the face of cities in the USA, what was happening socially and economically and spiritually at that time, etc. as a springboard for further study. I loved doing history this way and I am looking forward to another year of history studied in similar fashion!

Grammar/Vocabulary/Spelling

Call me crazy and paint me purple, but I don't really systematically teach the mechanics of language until my kids are well established in a love of reading, writing, and the function/art of language. I've thought about getting started before now, but actually haven't done anything beyond helping them write letters and thank you notes, working together when it's time to do essays or reports or poems, and giving them full freedom to write creatively. Gabriel has been writing short stories and "newspaper articles" of all kinds for years that have some of the most comical phonetic spelling, awful punctuation, and unpolished format/storyline you may have ever come across, but he loves to write-- and he has improved dramatically without a lick of correction or nagging from me.

What's amazing is that despite not using a single page of something even as basic as Explode the Code, he's learned a great deal simply by being a voracious reader. On his standardized test this year, he actually scored far above his grade level in language mechanics, much to my shock and surprise. I mean, I've always known that being a reader is a huge key to being a learner, but I'm seeing this proven true right before my eyes.

That said, I've also known that whenever they are well established in their love of language, we would then begin to study the mechanics and rules of language, and I feel strongly that this is the year to start. I actually anticipate that it will be quite fun at this point because of this already-established appreciation and enjoyment of what language can do for us.

So, Gabriel and Bronwyn will both begin using A Beka Language A this year. And I'm really looking forward to it!

Science

In years past our science curriculum has been very simple and tremendously enjoyable: using ideas from Keeping A Nature Journal, we've all kept nature journals of our own. Even I got into this past year, despite being a terrible artist and a less than outdoorsy type. The kids will see things in the yard or on walks or when we're studying something and they draw it in their journal, jot down a few facts or observations about it, and we call it a day!

This year, though, we're transitioning into a "real" curriculum. I've had my eye on Apologia science for quite a few years, but before now didn't feel ready to get into something so formal. Looking more at the way Apologia lays out their elementary science, though, I'm realizing that it's just glorified nature journaling. Instead of simply focusing on what's nearby and around us in nature, we will get into some things that we may only ever see/explore through books and movies, but we will continue to sketch and journal our findings.

Perfect.

We're going to begin with Astronomy. For being one who never particularly liked science, I am surprising myself with my eagerness to get started on this!

Electives

Bible:
Personal devotions will continue for the three child with their age-appropriate Bible and the leather-bound prayer/study journals I gave them. Gabriel has a New King James genuine leather Bible with his name on it that was our Christmas gift to him this past year, and he'll continue reading in that. Bronwyn will continue working her way through the 10-volume Arthur Maxwell that my siblings and I read through as children. Jackson is soon finishing up The Children's Bible in 365 Stories and then he will begin the 10-volume AM series. My hope is that by the end of the year, Aubrey will be reading well enough to using The Early Reader's Bible, like her older brothers and sister began with.
In addition, we do a lot of Scripture memorization as a family (the kids have memorized almost all of Romans 5 in just the past 6 weeks and continue to amaze me at how much more they retain than I do!) and have [almost daily] devotions immediately after breakfast.

Music:
I want the three oldest to continue with private piano lessons. They have been invaluable and such a blessing in our home. I anticipate that this investment will one day prove to be a blessing outside the home, too. Gabriel has also been the beneficiary of my brother Jamie's generosity in weekly drum lessons and he will most likely continue with those, as well. And, of course, there's CFA Friday School choirs and family worship and just much music in our lives throughout the day (mostly thanks to Gabriel, who is famous for turning music on even when I feel beyond over-stimulated, and I just bite my tongue and let him listen and sing his heart out as he folds laundry or finishes handwriting or washes dishes).

Art:
In addition to the bits we get to study and dabble in thanks to our literature group, we will heavily rely on the art classes at Friday School, which have been wonderful and a highlight with all my children (and especially the two oldest). I am also planning on ordering The Children's Book of Art, just so that we can do a bit more learning about famous works of art and artists here at home.

Typing:
Gabriel and Bronwyn have both dabbled a bit in some online typing programs, but due to my own reticence about having them online any time I'm not sitting right next to them, it was very hit or miss. I'm ordering a typing program so that they can get more disciplined about learning to type, which is something both Daniel and I are thankful we were taught when we were young and, well, just seems to be a necessity in this day and age.

Throw in their daily chores and helping with younger siblings and learning to cook and garden and process food and that is, I think, a wrap! Of course this says nothing about the big picture things I am praying through for each of my children, but each of these areas of study will play a part in seeing the character growth and development in them that I am believing for.

I love choosing and buying and organizing and preparing the tools that we will use, but ultimately they are just that: tools. My goal is not to simply fill minds, but to cooperate with the Holy Spirit in awakening hearts.

“The question is not, -- how much does the youth know? when he has finished his education --
but how much does he care? and about how many orders of things does he care?
In fact, how large is the room in which he finds his feet set?
and, therefore, how full is the life he has before him?” -Charlotte Mason

 

summer break

We've finished our official school year at last.

Most everything was done a couple weeks ago, but the two oldest kids still had a few math lessons left. Some years I might have called it Enough a couple lessons shy of 100% completion, but with how easy Teaching Textbooks makes chipping away at it, the fact that we've still been having plenty of cool-weather days, and knowing there's plenty of summer ahead of us yet, I decided to prod them on to the bitter end. Besides, it doesn't hurt any of us for them to spend a half hour each at the computer doing something calm, still, and focused!

But now it's done.

Whew.

Another year in the books, and a super terrific one, at that. When I began the 2012-2013 school year, I had some things I wanted to keep in mind. I wanted to encourage learning, to fan the flames of curiosity, to enjoy exploring through nature and books and group activities, to savor our togetherness. We've (I've!) certainly had our fair share of days when this did not describe what was taking place in our home, but it was the goal we kept coming back to, by the grace of God.

And we've had fun along the way!

This week I wrote up our final quarterly reports for the year. I also filled out IHIPs for each of the children for the coming year. I'm packaging up lesson plans and leftover supplies from teaching the kindergarten class at our weekly homeschool co-op this past semester. And today we cleaned out all the school shelves and supply boxes.

Summer is here.

This will [hopefully] mean lots more playing in the garden (me), splashing in the kiddie pool and slip n' slide (the kids), grilling dinner (Daniel), and walks and bike rides (all of us). It will inevitably mean cleaning the bathrooms more often, showering sweaty heads and dirty feet at least once a day, complaining about hot bedrooms, and picking up our weekly share from our CSA.

I am so ready for this!