Valuable

On Saturday night, the schedule finally allowed us to make it to our church's monthly young couples gathering. We were so privileged to hear the ever needed and appreciated message that children are valuable. They matter in God's economy and, quite frankly, they matter in the very physical economy of our nation.

I'm so thankful for that reminder.

Yesterday evening, we were trying to wrap up some loose ends on things we'd tackled during Daniel's day off. All in all, it had been a rather productive day, especially when one considers the fact that six children ages nine and under are tagging along in everything we do. Two more batches of jam, errands in Potsdam, electrical work in the bedrooms, mowing the lawn, house cleaning in preparation for a couple very hot days, menu planning, and more. It was well after 6pm as we were finishing up outside in the vegetable garden, staking tomatoes and hoeing/mulching. The kids were, by then, somewhat nuts. Elliot was crying as Bronwyn held him and my three redheads were throwing straw and stepping on baby basil plants (!) and fighting over the garden hose. Everyone was hungry and hot and tired. We were fraying around the edges.

I just wanted to finish up before thinking about baths and dinner. After all, couldn't they see that the garden was important? That if I didn't get some things tended to the whole thing could be a waste of time?

And what, I wondered in my absolute frustration amidst the chaos of children and dirt and water and heat, is more precious than time?

I wish that had been the moment of clarity. It wasn't.

I continued to get frustrated. I spoke harshly. I started cleaning up from my work even though I wasn't finished, telling Daniel I would bring the kids inside and clean them up before starting dinner prep because I couldn't take it any more. I could tell from the look in his eyes that he was as bothered by my tone and attitude as I was by the kids' behavior. That made me grumpier.

Baths and showers completed, the baby nursed and somewhat settled, I began washing the sugar snap peas first. And it was as I stood at the sink that I felt the tears start to sting my eyes.

Time. Time. Time.

I care so much about time. About how I'm using it. About whether or not I'm wasting it.

And in the midst of those very concerns, I miss the fact that time isn't more valuable than my children. I forget that it isn't the most precious thing I've been given. And certainly if I am going to squander and use it on anything, my children are the very ones I ought to be squandering and using it on.

Not the garden. Not the house. Not my hobbies. Not the ministry.

On them.

Time will pass me by. One day I will take my last breath. My life is like a vapor, here one second and gone the next.

But my children are my legacy.

They are worth the physical work of my hands, my intellect, my emotional energy, and my time. I have not wasted any of my own personal resources when I pour all that I have into them.

I'm not saying there isn't a time to buckle down and call something a priority. Yes, the garden is important. The house is important. The ministry is important. Even hobbies can be important. But none of them is more important. Neither am I saying that time doesn't matter and that we should be frivolous with it. But it is meant to be a tool, not my master.

Standing at the sink, I found myself praying [again] for perspective. For eyes to see in those little but stressful intersections of life what truly matters. I wondered why I so easily forget (don't I know this and didn't I just hear it?). I felt discouraged that I might never change. But in the end, I know that He is building this house, He is building me, and He will be faithful to help me learn that my children are the most valuable gift I've been given.

Psalm 127
If God doesn't build the house, the builders only build shacks. 
   If God doesn't guard the city, 
      the night watchman might as well nap. 
   It's useless to rise early and go to bed late, 
      and work your worried fingers to the bone. 
   Don't you know he enjoys 
      giving rest to those he loves? 

 Don't you see that children are God's best gift? 
      the fruit of the womb his generous legacy? 
   Like a warrior's fistful of arrows 
      are the children of a vigorous youth. 
   Oh, how blessed are you parents, 
      with your quivers full of children! 
   Your enemies don't stand a chance against you; 
      you'll sweep them right off your doorstep.