Valuable

On Saturday night, the schedule finally allowed us to make it to our church's monthly young couples gathering. We were so privileged to hear the ever needed and appreciated message that children are valuable. They matter in God's economy and, quite frankly, they matter in the very physical economy of our nation.

I'm so thankful for that reminder.

Yesterday evening, we were trying to wrap up some loose ends on things we'd tackled during Daniel's day off. All in all, it had been a rather productive day, especially when one considers the fact that six children ages nine and under are tagging along in everything we do. Two more batches of jam, errands in Potsdam, electrical work in the bedrooms, mowing the lawn, house cleaning in preparation for a couple very hot days, menu planning, and more. It was well after 6pm as we were finishing up outside in the vegetable garden, staking tomatoes and hoeing/mulching. The kids were, by then, somewhat nuts. Elliot was crying as Bronwyn held him and my three redheads were throwing straw and stepping on baby basil plants (!) and fighting over the garden hose. Everyone was hungry and hot and tired. We were fraying around the edges.

I just wanted to finish up before thinking about baths and dinner. After all, couldn't they see that the garden was important? That if I didn't get some things tended to the whole thing could be a waste of time?

And what, I wondered in my absolute frustration amidst the chaos of children and dirt and water and heat, is more precious than time?

I wish that had been the moment of clarity. It wasn't.

I continued to get frustrated. I spoke harshly. I started cleaning up from my work even though I wasn't finished, telling Daniel I would bring the kids inside and clean them up before starting dinner prep because I couldn't take it any more. I could tell from the look in his eyes that he was as bothered by my tone and attitude as I was by the kids' behavior. That made me grumpier.

Baths and showers completed, the baby nursed and somewhat settled, I began washing the sugar snap peas first. And it was as I stood at the sink that I felt the tears start to sting my eyes.

Time. Time. Time.

I care so much about time. About how I'm using it. About whether or not I'm wasting it.

And in the midst of those very concerns, I miss the fact that time isn't more valuable than my children. I forget that it isn't the most precious thing I've been given. And certainly if I am going to squander and use it on anything, my children are the very ones I ought to be squandering and using it on.

Not the garden. Not the house. Not my hobbies. Not the ministry.

On them.

Time will pass me by. One day I will take my last breath. My life is like a vapor, here one second and gone the next.

But my children are my legacy.

They are worth the physical work of my hands, my intellect, my emotional energy, and my time. I have not wasted any of my own personal resources when I pour all that I have into them.

I'm not saying there isn't a time to buckle down and call something a priority. Yes, the garden is important. The house is important. The ministry is important. Even hobbies can be important. But none of them is more important. Neither am I saying that time doesn't matter and that we should be frivolous with it. But it is meant to be a tool, not my master.

Standing at the sink, I found myself praying [again] for perspective. For eyes to see in those little but stressful intersections of life what truly matters. I wondered why I so easily forget (don't I know this and didn't I just hear it?). I felt discouraged that I might never change. But in the end, I know that He is building this house, He is building me, and He will be faithful to help me learn that my children are the most valuable gift I've been given.

Psalm 127
If God doesn't build the house, the builders only build shacks. 
   If God doesn't guard the city, 
      the night watchman might as well nap. 
   It's useless to rise early and go to bed late, 
      and work your worried fingers to the bone. 
   Don't you know he enjoys 
      giving rest to those he loves? 

 Don't you see that children are God's best gift? 
      the fruit of the womb his generous legacy? 
   Like a warrior's fistful of arrows 
      are the children of a vigorous youth. 
   Oh, how blessed are you parents, 
      with your quivers full of children! 
   Your enemies don't stand a chance against you; 
      you'll sweep them right off your doorstep.

 

When Daddy's away...

... the mom and kids will play!

Actually, Daniel being gone for any length of time (one night, three weeks-- it doesn't much matter) usually means wedig in and take care of a small list of projects. These are typically things that I've been wanting to see finished that he will gladly and quickly take responsibility for but just doesn't have time for. It's a fun way to surprise him (sometimes with more holes in freshly painted walls than he perhaps fully appreciates!) and a great way to help pass the time as we await his return.

This time around has been no different-- and fortunately the kids enjoy some out-of-the-norm work just as much as I do! With their help, I've moved and swapped out a few dressers, deep-cleaned the boys' room, moved and reorganized bookshelves and downstairs toys, put some things in the attic and taken some other things out, hung pictures in the family room and my bedroom and the upstairs bathroom, and packed up Gabriel's little boy drum set *sniff* that he's officially outgrown (both in sound and size).

I've also dug in a bit with Elliot. He's 2 months old now and in the past 2 weeks finally starting to fill out. When he goes in for a weigh-in next week, I anticipate some good results. With all that in mind, I decided it was time he start learning how to nap. I'm no rigid scheduler when it comes to my babies (ha!), but Daniel's absence sure does highlight just how little time Elliot spends not in somebody's arms. (It's also highlighted how rarely I shower before Daniel gets home from work. Yikes!)

We're not setting any records by any means, but we're getting into a little groove and I'm actually finding enough time to do some things each day without him getting ridiculously overtired because I'm not holding him. But don't tell: the little man will only sleep on his tummy. I know this isn't recommended-- and believe me, I've tried to get him to sleep on his back-- but it works.

Of course, without Daniel here I am running low on sleep. I'm doing the 8-10pm pacing/bouncing with the fussy baby, the nursing throughout the night hours, the waking at 2am with a croupy Aubrey, the praying with Gabriel about bad dreams at 4am, the starting the day with Claire at 6am, etc. I miss my early-morning man (and the coffee he always has waiting for me when I wake up).

Last night as we sat down to a fancy dinner of baked oatmeal (!), Bronwyn sighed, "The house feels so empty without Daddy."

So when Daddy's away, the real truth is that we count down the days until he's home again!