overflowing

Elliot's nearing 4 weeks old now. It's funny; with every baby, I am amazed by how quickly the weeks fly by and yet I am simultaneously awed by the strange fact that 4 weeks ago I didn't know who my baby was. How has he not always been part of our lives? How did we ever feel like a family without him?

So quickly and instantaneously are our hearts enraptured with this newest member! It speaks tremendously to me of God's great heart toward us and I find myself so humbled by what a wonderful Father He is.

Six kiddos is... busy.

And I love it. I really and truly do. Sure, I want to pull my hair out at times. And yes, I've collapsed into bed more than one night in the past 4 weeks and cried because I'm not sure I'm actually cut out for all this.

This has been our first real week here at home of Finding Our New Normal and that means we're still a long way from finding anything even remotely resembling a predictable rhythm, but we sure are doing our best! I'm trying my hardest to just laugh off those moments when Elliot is crying unendingly, Claire is screaming after her latest injury, Aubrey is hounding me with a million and two questions, Jackson is needing help with math, Bronwyn is singing at the top of her lungs, and Gabriel is drumming with pencils on the dining room table instead of practicing handwriting.

(And, no, I didn't come up with all that for dramatic effect-- that was an actual scene around here just yesterday!)

Because for all those moments, there are also the ones when we're circled around the table and my heart is overwhelmed by the amazing goodness that surrounds me. There are the moments when I am rocking and whispering Elliot to sleep, and Gabriel is making lunch, and Bronwyn is reading to Claire, and Jackson and Aubrey are giggling together over their latest Magna Doodle sketch, and I think to myself that I am the luckiest woman in the world. There are the moments when I tuck them into bed and it doesn't matter that Elliot is fussing or that Claire fell off the stool while brushing her teeth or that Jackson took too long getting into pajamas or even that Bronwyn and Gabriel argued over who should use the bathroom first-- because I get to be here for even those moments and that in and of itself is such a gift.

I love it.

(And, yes, if you think you've read a couple times now about Elliot crying/fussing, it's because my sweet little man does just that an awful lot. We love him tons and tons, but he is apparently having difficulty adjusting to us!)

I even love it when the stress of the moment starts to cave in on me and I feel like I will be crushed by my own inadequacies because it's in those very moments as I'm realizing [again] just how unfaithful I am that I realize afresh just how sufficient and faithful He is. God grants me repentance, gives me perspective, produces within me peace and joy and love, and reassures me that He is the One performing a good work.

And, ohmy, have I mentioned yet just how much I love this baby of mine?

I do!

And I hold him so much.

So much, I tell you.

I want to memorize each day and every detail. I hate that I will forget. I breathe in and breathe out gift after gift after gift-- sadly enough, without even noticing most of the time.

I don't want to take any of it, any of them, for granted. Not ever. My life is overflowing!