Do you ever have that sensation that life is the dog and you are its tail?
Yeah.
Among many things I want to be doing that I haven't had time for of late is writing in this little space. I've got to say, I miss the pause that blogging seems to help me find. Whether anyone reads or not matters little to me; whether what's written is near and dear to my heart or just a mentioning of the details that make up my days is irrelevant; what means the most to me is simply the taking a little time to process.
I suppose for some people a lack of writing means an abundance of living. In my case, a lack of writing probably just means that my life is a bit out of control.
This school year has taken me for quite a ride. Don't get me wrong: I love each and every day of homeschooling my children. It's just that this year I have to say I'm not always feeling entirely on top of it!
And of course there are some moments I'd rather erase ("What number is this, Aubrey? You don't know? Try counting up to it, okay? Huh. You've got nothing? Well, it's seventeen. Okay? Okay. Now tell me, what number is this? You forgot? Already? That's okay, honey. It's seventeen. Got it? So tell me, what number is this? You forgot? Again? OHMYWORDIMGOINGTOLOSEMYMIND!").
But 99.9% of the time there is nothing I'd rather be doing and nowhere I'd rather be. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
I love my kids.
I like my kids.
They are my favorite people to spend time with.
Having a front row seat to all that they're learning and experiencing is worth every sacrifice and all the effort.
I'm having to readjust some priorities and figure out some new strategies. What worked last year isn't necessarily working this year. And, yes, I've been a bit slow in figuring out what does work.
It sure does all make me so thankful that the Holy Spirit is a present help. There are many days I've had to completely scrap everything I had planned to do what is needed. What a tough lesson for the slightly OCD, everything-must-fit-in-a-box, planner I naturally tend to be! And how good it is for me to get a grip and be flexible.
Prayerfully, I'm coming back to a more centered rhythm. Not because everything fits in a box now or because it's so controlled, but because I'm learning that what's needed really is what's worthwhile.
And in the meantime, to make up for months of no writing (apart from an occasional birthday shout-out to one of my precious kids-- no matter how busy things get I can't let those go because it's the closest thing they'll ever have to a baby book!), here's our fall in some pictures:
clockwise from L:
Bronwyn preparing a report on 1912 fashion on the Titanic; the 4 school kids bright and early on the first day of Friday School; Aubrey proudly holding her rendering of the Titanic while dressed as a first class passenger on our display night; building a model of the Titanic with Daddy; Claire, Gabriel, Aubrey, Bronwyn, and Jack on a field trip in the foothills of the Adirondacks
Elliot, Elliot, Elliot!
This boy makes me laugh, he makes me cry, he makes me want to pull out my hair, he delights me continually. He's seven months old, has three teeth (and a fourth on the way), is the most proficient "army crawler" I've had yet, moves from sitting to "crawling" and back freely, loves to "wrestle" and growl, nurses exclusively, is in love with his daddy, and has quite an aggressive personality.
We love food around here.
Cooking with new-to-us foods thanks to a Community Shared Agriculture program has been great fun.
Preserving food is something we all got in on this year in a greater way than previous years, and the fruits of our labor are very tangible ones: a cupboard filled to the brim with jars of strawberry jam, tomato juice, and applesauce, a chest freezer filled with locally grown meat and raspberries from our own bushes, and 100lbs of potatoes that I purchased from a nearby Amish woman cured and stored in the basement for the winter ahead.
On a daily basis, the kids love to help me cook dinner and will watch cooking shows with great delight. The beauty of a fresh lemon takes our breath away and we get downright giddy about cake!
I love making home.
I'm so thankful to have grown up in a home where we didn't just save the pretty napkins for company, where a simple meal of oatmeal was deemed worthy of candlelight and good conversation, where our bedrooms were well organized and our clothing thoughtfully purchased, where I was taught how to clean a bathroom and dust mop in the farthest corner. It's a privilege and an honor to now get to invest all of that into others.
Not to mention, Daniel and I do both love a good project, and we have found over the years that some of our best conversations and funniest shared moments are over a can of paint and while covered with saw dust!
Hopefully, the external efforts are only outward signs of a deeper investment we're making in our children and community through our home. That's what I pray every single day, anyway.
