a new place

For the past eight years, xanga has been a sort of home for me; a place for musings, updates, ramblings, recipe sharing, homeschool talk, celebrating births and birthdays, and perhaps even writing something worth sharing every once in a great while.

Certainly along the way I thought about switching to a "cooler" and more "updated" blog format, but the problem there was that I didn't have the technical know-how to import all the history I'd collected at xanga-- something I wasn't ready to just do without-- and I was pretty convinced it wasn't worth inconveniencing someone who did have the know-how for. After all, xanga worked for my simple objectives: to stay in touch with friends and family, to keep a sort of family record, and to take time every so often for noting the things God is teaching me.

Also?

I'm just not cool.

And I'm okay with that.

Recently, though, the word on the street has been that xanga is done as of today. Gone the way of all things earthly, I suppose.

And so it was time, ready or not, to move on.

And thanks to the technical know-how of the best brother in the whole wide world of brothers, it carries with it all the past history and archives that the sentimental part of me simply wasn't quite ready to ditch-- right back to when I was a mom of just two little ones, living in a 2-bedroom townhouse less than 1000 square feet big, and very much still in the newest stages of being a wife and mom.

If you subscribe to blogs, you'll want to switch the address from brietta.xanga.com to briettapaladin.blogspot.com.

Welcome to my new "home."

warning: a rambling pregnancy update

So we're over halfway through this pregnancy now. If it's flying by for you, it's flying by even faster for me. I've confessed that I can hardly believe it's July already, so this revelation probably doesn't come as any surprise.

But seriously, was it already 4 months ago now that I was finally putting 2 and 2 together to realize that the not-going-away-nausea and exhaustion wasn't actually the stomach bug my children had had?

Guess so.

20 weeks already?!
(and, by the way, I swear my belly doubled in size yesterday, but I haven't taken a photo since then.)

By way of testimony and gratitude, I have to say that a large part of this pregnancy's Flying By nature has been that I have felt so good.

Really good.

And I am thankful beyond what words can say. I have had energy, I have had little sickness, I have had few days that have been a total wash, I have honestly enjoyed almost every minute. Each pregnancy prior to this one had gotten progressively harder on me and I think I was starting to think that it was just the way things would be. These past months have been such a gift to me, not just physically, but also emotionally.

Ultimately, I think it's just been God's mercy on me. But some things that I'm sure have helped:

Summer/exercise. By the end of the winter, I'm pale and listless and cooped-up-feeling and trying to remember when I last ate a good tomato. Maybe it's just me, but I think a lot of us fall in the camp of Feeling Better In The Summer. The fresh air and longer sunlight, the ease of and natural tendency toward staying active, the outdoor projects and fun, the accessibility and availability of organic and local produce-- I know these always make a difference in my general sense of well-being. The impact is simply that much more noticeable when my body is busy growing another human being.

Also, for the first time since before becoming a mom, I have been able to get out of the house almost daily to run and/or walk, whereas it used to get squeezed in whenever Daniel's unpredictable schedule would allow. There are advantages to my kids getting older and a smidgen more independent, and wow! what a very practical difference this has made in how I'm feeling.

My runs have morphed into walk-runs (I've always tried to take an interval approach to my running, so this is just more exaggerated)-- and this past week when I was out at noon and the sun was beating mercilessly down on me and the humidity levels were 70-100%, I strictly walked-- but it has all helped so much. During my first trimester, there were a lot of days that started yucky, but I knew that if I could just hang in there until my run, I would feel better. I'm not saying this would have worked in other pregnancies (and certainly not for all expectant mamas!), but it was a clear pattern this time around.

I'm hoping that I'll be able to keep it up right until the end. January and February are the toughest months for exercising outside (thanks to ice on the roads), but I'm due on December 3rd, so I should be okay. I'm sure my pace will continue to slow down as I get bigger (!), but my goal is to stay as limber and energetic as possible.

Food. For some miraculous reason, my cravings this time around have been much more on the health-food end of the spectrum. You think I kid when I say "miraculous," but if you knew the things I always crave when I'm pregnant (french fries, greasy burgers, sour patch kids, chinese buffet, etc.), you'd realize that I mean what I say. Previously, pregnancy has been 9 long months of eating what I know to eat when it isn't at all what I want to eat. Maybe it's the perfect timing of spring's arrival and all the bountiful healthy goodness available, but it has just been so much better this time around. I can't tell you how thankful I am to not be constantly battling myself on this issue.

Of course, there have been bowls of ice cream here and there and peach cobbler almost every Tuesday (yes, this pregnancy seems to also have delivered me from my many years of abstaining from peaches after one summer as a child when my mom ordered a scarring number of bushels of peaches!), but there's been a lot of wanting veggies and hummus, big bowls of fresh fruit, fresh-from-a-local-chicken-coop eggs, and more. I'm thankful, to say the least.

 

Iron. I tried my best to get a jump on my perpetual tendency toward anemia by firstly supplementing iron for quite a few months after Elliot's birth, and then by getting right into a vitamin and iron regimen about as soon as I knew I was pregnant. Some ladies might have the luxury of waiting to see how their iron levels are, but having been 6 for 6 with really bad anemia (my hemoglobin is usually between 8 and 9 when I go into labor), I didn't even bother with the Wait And See approach.

For the past 16 weeks I have been as faithfully as possible drinking floradix with breakfast and dinner and taking vitamins with lunch. My hemoglobin at 19 weeks gestation was a little over 11, so it does seem to be helping. I need to up it and keep at it if I'm going to have healthy levels by 40 weeks, but at least so far I haven't had the major energy slumps and general fatigue/weakness that I by now associate with pregnancy.

In pregnancy news: I had my first appointment with a midwife in Watertown who seems very excited and eager to help me VBAC once again. It's a shame to me that I have to drive 70 miles to find someone who agrees that a VBAC is not only safer in my situation but that it carries almost no more risks for me than it does for someone who has never had a cesarean, but at least she was there to be found. She is in a practice with 3 OBs who also do many VBACs every year. One of these OBs in particular came highly recommended from a local midwife (who only does non-VBAC homebirths) as a doctor who is very accommodating and naturally-minded, so that's encouraging.

The midwife felt that I was measuring small so she sent me for an ultrasound, thinking that we might be able to push the due date back and have that much more flexibility in terms of delivery dates at the end. I did try to tell her that I always measure small-- even at 42 weeks and just days before popping out my 10lb daughter I only measured 37cm-- but in my experience, every practitioner I've gone to has needed to see that for themselves. Sure enough, it was my most accurate-to-dates ultrasound I've ever had, with results perfectly confirming my December 3 due date.

It was a really amazing ultrasound, though. I got to see the baby waving, swallowing, moving his jaw up and down, flipping (lengthwise), and more. The miracle of life never gets old. This is a baby, a person, a soul. What a privilege to carry and cradle him within me, safely tucked away and nurtured by my very own life. When I think about every organ being formed, every finger and toe nail growing, every detail being put together, it amazes me that I don't have to contribute more to the process.

I am the lucky one.

Lest you get confused, I use "his" and "him" in the most generic of ways. We won't, once again, find out what we're having beforehand. Of course it's always tempting to know (what's better than finding out good news? well, finding out good news sooner, of course!), but I just can't give up the moment of climax when the baby is born and we really meet him/her for the first time. The eagerness to discover just who this baby is always helps me in those moments of labor transition when I'm pretty sure I could care less about anything other than being done or dying.

So we will be doing our best to come up with at least two baby name options. This gets harder and harder each time around, I have to say. It is such a privilege and ultimately joyous task, but it always feels very serious to me, too! Our baby's naming is up to us?

Coincidentally, every time I've given birth we've only had one name we really like and we've been fortunate enough to have the baby be the appropriate gender for the name. That said, I don't like to bank on that pattern continuing, so I really am doing my best to come up with a name for both boy and girl.

So far, I've got one girl name. Daniel doesn't like it.

Wish me luck.

 

summer

This summer is slipping by so fast. July 15th?! Already???!

June disappeared in a flurry of finishing baseball and tying up the 2012-2013 school year (and all of its accompanying paperwork) and house work and brief trips here and there and getting the garden in. I hung in there as if my life depended on the slower summer days I just knew July would afford me.

Ha.

July is like a vapor. I've barely absorbed the fact that it's begun, let alone that we're halfway through, but here we are.

That said, the pictures snapped here and there on the phone don't lie and they tell me that somehow, despite busyness and work demands and the never-ending To Do lists, we have snuck in our fair share of quintessential summer memories. Ah.

 

baby boy living in white onesie and sunhat

 

parades and celebrations

 

cold drinks (what a treat!) on hot afternoons

 

playing in the water until our teeth are chattering and our lips are blue

 

enjoying being together

 

getting faces painted at a local festival

 

dance camp for the biggest girl (she's the one in the back-- no flash photography made for poor snapshots, but I got them for memory's sake nonetheless!)

 

throwing hair in a pony tail and running out the door first thing every Tuesday morning to pick up our CSA share

 

flip flops and sand and dirty picnic quilts

 

putting in our time in the toddler nursery, which conveniently happens to be one of the few air conditioned rooms at church!

 

games on the sitting room floor after chores

 

laundry on the line almost every single day

 

keeping the jar of granola filled because, really, who wants to eat hot cereal on a hot morning?!

 

Yes, in fact, nestled between busy days and already-spoken-for nights, this has been a summer full of everything summer should be, in my estimation. And I intend to keep on enjoying it right up until the very end of August. This is one homeschooling mama who does not like to cut her summer short!

 

one thing I do know

Eleven-going-on-twelve years ago I embarked as a nineteen-year-old girl on the journey of wife and homemaker. Ten-going-on-eleven years ago I became a mom. I still feel like a newbie in every way, shape, and form and-- depending on who I talk to and in the grand scheme of things-- I'm still pretty certain that I am! But I've also been doing it now for more than just a month or two, and there are times when I am acutely aware of that in a "Wow!" way.

It's a journey, you know. Most days don't feel like "Aha!" breakthrough sorts of days. But over time, when I look back and survey these years-- in some ways long, in other ways nothing more than the blink of an eye-- I see how much the Lord has taught me. I see how things I would have been afraid to try when I first started out I now do on a regular basis with no second thought or bit of trepidation. I see areas that I used to be convinced I would always struggle in are now relegated to the past.

This is not a testimony to me at all, but entirely to the nature of growth and and change and how God brings me from one place to another, mostly so gently that I don't even realize it's happening.

He will feed His flock like a shepherd;
He will gather the lambs with His arm,
And carry them in His bosom,
And gently lead those who are with young.

I remember starting out, just trying my best to mimic what I had seen my own mother do, closely watching and observing others, and feeling incredibly awkward and hopeless in my attempts to do what they did in what seemed so effortless and so natural a way. I ruined many meals and the ones that weren't ruined were often simply sustenance and not a whole lot beyond (learning to cook for two instead of eleven was a curveball I hadn't seen coming). I isolated myself too much, cried even more, and in the midst of my ineptitude saw in a whole new way how gracious and kind and patient God is toward me. I botched keeping the whites white and I left berries in the freezer so long they were ruined with freezer burn and I said spiteful things to my husband and I basically went without sleep for nine months because I didn't know what else to do with my clingy firstborn.

Figuring out how to communicate with Daniel; discovering how to console a crying baby and when to be okay that I can't; uncovering a few keys to making home and work and church all be prioritized in a harmonious way for us; having my first disciplinary-meltdown in which I called Daniel completely certain that our child was hopelessly bent toward sin (now there's a revelation...!); realizing that seasons change as fast as I've figured out which one we're in; planting the garden and making the homemade jam and navigating the doctors' appointments and completing the first day of homeschooling; making it through financial oopsies and droughts; drawing on the Holy Spirit for forgiveness for him and for them and for myself; having our first just us Christmas morning and feeling amazed that we were a family; wrestling with the Lord about the things He's asking of me; soothing feverish foreheads and sitting at a NICU and PICU bedside; learning how to give hospitality when it felt like there was nothing to give; offering up my time and affections and interests and body to uncover a life far better than one I ever could have dreamed of.

I'm still learning so much. There are hurdles and mountains that I face today that I didn't even know existed yesterday. And everyday still doesn't feel like "Aha!" breakthrough sorts of days, but the sum total of them all is nothing short of "Aha!" breakthrough.

Not once has God required something of me that was beyond His strength, beyond how He has crafted me, beyond what brings life more abundant-- and not once will He.

As a father pities his children,
So the Lord pities those who fear Him.
For He knows our frame;
He remembers that we are dust.

Eleven-going-on-twelve years later I do still feel like a newbie in every way, shape, and form.

But standing here, looking back on eleven-going-on-twelve years, I do know one thing: whatever path the Lord has you on is one rich with green pastures and still waters if you will trust Him. Today may feel dry and tomorrow may not feel much different, but as you lean into Him and obey His promptings and urgings, you will find over time that, indeed, the ways of the Lord are sweet and pure and true and better.

And it will build in you faith and confidence for tomorrow and every day thereafter.

 The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

 

slow and steady

If you're facebook or instagram friends with me, chances are you know that we're in the midst of trying to finish up the project we began two years ago to expand our upstairs and make space for our ever-growing family. We're pretty big fans/pupils of Dave Ramsey (and what many would probably call just plain old-fashioned wisdom) and that means that we try to do things as we have the cash for it and not any sooner. This often results in taking a little longer to do some things than we would ideally prefer, but we find that if we keep chipping away, sooner or later it gets done!

First in the project we tackled the basic exterior that had to be done: framing, roofing, sheathing, insulation (summer-fall 2011). Then we slowly finished the interior: the bathroom (March 2012), our bedroom (summer 2012), and finally the nursery/guest room (March 2013).

This was the time to tackle the finish of the exterior: trim, wood siding, painting, and shutters. We blocked off last week for the express purposes of getting it done.

It's, of course, been a lot more work and much more time-consuming than we'd anticipated. Most projects are-- even for experienced remodelers-- and we are novices, so pretty much everything we do on the house is a "first time" for us and we generally never quite know what we're getting into. On top of that there are, as always, unexpected surprises along the way, especially when you own a home that was built before 1860.

Still, it's fun work.

Long days, but exciting progress.

I'm very thankful for the help we've received along the way. We got in way over our heads with this one (!) and are only nearing the finish line due to the gracious assistance of others. Josh (neighbor, adopted-family-member, fellow church-employee) has put in several very full days with Daniel (and by full, I mean of the 8am-9:30pm variety) and has played a huge part in keeping things moving. A guy from down the street whom we had never before met walked by one day, saw the project, was interested due to his background in carpentry, and has now been here 4 different afternoons lending his skill and energy and fearlessness. We recruited two Criscitello boys one day to help with painting, running things up and down scaffolding, holding pieces of wood that need an extra hand or two, and more. A church friend, Greg, was here yesterday on one of his last summer vacation days to help out however he could. Our own boys have spent several days doing all the priming that was needed (both sides of every board has had to be primed), as well as burning old scraps of wood, cleaning up the yard constantly, and running back and forth to the basement and porch and various places in the yard to retrieve tools as needed.

I'm also very thankful for a husband who plans carefully, prepares well, and sees things through. He has spent many mornings, afternoons, and evenings climbing up and down scaffolding countless times as he measures, cuts, and nails board after board on his own. It's been great when he's not doing it solo, as that method takes much longer. Nevertheless, he doesn't ever grow weary, it seems!

 

leveling a ridge board for the "someday" screened in porch

 

our God-send neighbor and newest friend, Alan, busy at work

 

Josh, who is relentless when he wants to see a project get finished!

 

progress in the back!

 

the remnants of one of countless meals/snacks that Bronwyn and I have been pumping out of the kitchen (I even learned how to grill chicken outside while simultaneously cooking veggies and pasta inside this week, a running-back-and-forth feat I hope to rarely need to repeat!)

 

 

 

progress on the side!

 

Greg Lapinski and Daniel getting a board cut on our porch/make-shift workshop

 

progress on the other side!

 

We're not setting any records for fastest-completed projects (two years!), but we're chipping away as faithfully as we know how. All that's left at this point is some painting and a small section still awaiting siding that is ground-level and can be done without rented scaffolding or help from others.

Our home is such a blessing to us. We are thankful for it; thankful to be able to raise children here, learn together within its walls, share it with others, and steward it. A physical home represents something pretty amazing, doesn't it? It is a tangible refuge and haven, and I pray that as we look after the structure itself that we are also learning how to look after and foster the intangible refuge and haven it should be for every soul who walks through its doors.