2 Months

Aubrey is constantly changing. That is the way of newborns, isn't it?

She "talks" now-- especially when I talk to her-- and her little voice is breathtakingly adorable. While I spend ridiculous amounts of time trying to coax a reluctant smile out of her, she would rather knit her brows together and tell me of her day, it seems.

She doesn't like taking baths, but then, none of my infants have. I don't like her cries as I bathe and dress her, but I sure do love the sweet scent of a freshly washed and lotion'd baby in my arms.

She is asleep most evenings by 6 or 7pm and she spends the rest of the night sleeping very well and having to be woken for almost all of her every-3-hours feedings. Her good nighttime sleeping patterns make it so I dare not complain about her poor daytime sleeping patterns.

She will see the cardiologist tomorrow and be weighed there. Last week she weighed 8lbs,4oz. Looking at her chubby cheeks, I can confidently say that she has gained weight throughout the past several days, though I've given up on trying to guess exactly how much.

This past Thursday she was 8 weeks old and I decided it was high time she start wearing size 1 diapers since newborn diapers are more expensive. My reward was her first two "explosions" resulting from diapers that are too big around her skinny legs and tiny waist. Oh well.

She is much more content this past week than she had been. I'm still not sure what exactly has helped with this, since her medication was lowered, I cut dairy out of my diet, we changed bottles, and I stopped drinking my morning cup of decaf coffee all within about 48 hours. Right now, I don't care what it is that's helping-- I'm just happy she's happier!

Her heart still thumps beneath her chest. Her biggest brother notices her unusual breathing and comments on it. She has her daily medications and frequent bottles of expressed milk. We can't let her sleep too long or cry too much. She has at least weekly medical appointments. She is different than my other babies were in many, many ways.

But God is God of her, just as He is of them. And perhaps it is good that this mother's prayers have become a bit more fervent than they were in the past-- not just on Aubrey's behalf, but also on Gabriel's and Bronwyn's and Jackson's.

Most of all, we deeply love our littlest girl. She amazes us over and over again. There are countless times in a day when Daniel or I, awed as we gaze at her, say to one another, "Can you believe how miraculously God has spared her?" We don't deserve this-- our faith has often failed us and our need of goodness is without question-- and so Aubrey reveals to me with every snuggle and coo the abundant grace and gifts of God in my life.

Prayer

"Today at [3:45pm] the army will participate in what is known as a ramp
ceremony for Christian and the other fallen men. We have been
forewarned; this, they say, will be difficult. Apparently it is very
moving, very honoring, very final in many ways. That is [9:45]am EST." (more)

Father, be Liz's portion today. Be her peace, her assurance, her comfort.
Let the hope of all who are grieving be You.
Because You are safe and secure, Jesus; You never disappoint.


I Corinthians 15:51-55
Behold, I tell you a mystery: We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed--
in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the
trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised incorruptible, and we
shall be changed. For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. So when this corruptible has put on incorruption, and this mortal has
put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is
written: "Death is swallowed up in victory." O Death, where is your sting? O Hades, where is your victory?"

Mourning

My thoughts and prayers are continually filled with Liz. Such pain and such sorrow I can't even fathom; but I can think of nothing else.

Be with her, Lord. Comfort and support.
Oh, be ever so near in this hour, dear Jesus.





Psalm 34:18
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 27:13-14

I would have despaired unless I had
believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the
living. Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the Lord.

Fun Is...

...sorting through winter outdoor apparel and discovering that much more that fits my children than I'd anticipated! My original shopping list had snowboots for Bronwyn and Jackson on it, as well as an entire snowsuit for Jackson. With one swoop through the upstairs closet, I was able to cross off snowboots for both Bronwyn (apparently her feet haven't grown much since last year) and Jackson (with 2-3 pairs of socks we can make a pair in the closet fit!) and the entire snowsuit has been replaced with simply snowpants.

...Aubrey weighing in today at 8lbs,4oz! This is +4oz from last week and brings us to a total of +8oz in the last 2 weeks! (For perspective, she only gained 2oz the previous 2 weeks.) Last week's talk of fortifiers vs. formula supplements-- and which one ought to be added to Aubrey's diet-- is done, hopefully for keeps.

...a major shopping spree that ended this evening with cupboards bulging and the pantry overflowing. I have to imagine that only homemakers derive quite so much satisfaction from seeing 20 rolls of toilet paper stacked in the bathroom cabinet.

...making a quick and simple meal for my family to share at the end of a busy and productive day with the help of one special little lady (who also happened to be my rather cheerful shopping companion all afternoon). We chatted together as I sliced peppers and she ate grape tomatoes. And as I flipped eggs and toasted english muffins, she asked me continually, "What should I do next, Mama?"

<edit>The aprons are courtesy of Danica. And, yes, Bronwyn's was handmade.</edit>

A Recipe

I tried a new recipe for salmon tonight. My family loves fish, but since I can't afford am too cheap to buy it fresh, I have to find good recipes that make the frozen fillets taste almost as good.

This recipe was a huge hit. Daniel said he's never had fish that tastes so good. Ever.

So I thought I would share it because not only is it delicious, it's easy and pretty healthy, too.

<Edit>I think even people who don't typically like fish would like this recipe. Honestly. So if you're a wife who's been feeling as though she ought to make fish for your husband but can't stand the thought of eating it yourself, use this recipe. At the very least, you'll find it tolerable (unless you're deathly allergic, of course!).</Edit>


Maple Salmon

1/4c maple syrup (must be real syrup, folks)
2T soy sauce
1 clove garlic, minced
1/4tsp garlic salt
1/8tsp ground black pepper
1lb salmon -- or 4 4-oz fillets

1. Mix syrup, soy sauce, garlic, garlic salt, and pepper in a medium bowl.
2. Place salmon in a shallow glass baking dish and pour sauce over. Cover the dish and marinate 30 minutes in the refrigerator, turning once.
3. Preheat oven to 400*.
4. Bake fish uncovered for 20 minutes or until flaky.


I recommend serving it with rice or couscous. So yummy!

Sisters

I love having sisters.

Maybe that's why I'm so glad my girls have each other.

Another Day

This morning, I made a simple chore chart for Gabriel & Bronwyn. Aubrey's arrival and the ensuing busyness is requiring that my children start doing more on their own. I'm glad because I think that my perfectionism would not relinquish control of things like how the bed is made without my hand being forced. It's good for my kids to be a bit more independent and it's good for me to just focus on the things that I really do need to do.

So the charts have begun. (Brings you back, huh D & Beanz?) I'm no artist, but at least my 3- and 4-year-old know what the drawings mean!

After that, Gabriel and I relocated his drum set to a little nook in the upstairs hallway. This spot used to contain shelves with bed linens, but since I got rid of the ridiculously large assortment of random bedsheets I owned and never used, I decided it would make a nice home for his kit. Now we just have to get some cool art work on the walls or something!

This afternoon, while Bronwyn slept and Jackson was off for a hair cut followed by an on-campus cell meeting with Daniel, I made pizza for this evening's meal and macaroni & cheese for one of the nights Daniel is gone this weekend. It was a tricky affair, since Aubrey was fussy much of the time, so Gabriel was employed in the entertainment department. I'm not sure if Aubrey was more entertained or scared, to be honest, but at least I got the food made.

Now that the giant fake spiderwebs have been removed from our neighbor's lawn and I am in the kitchen doing some cooking and baking again, it feels like the holidays can arrive. I'm enjoying the fact that Gabriel is really old enough to grasp a bit about our American heritage this fall as we approach this Thanksgiving.

And, yes, I did write that Jackson went in for a hair cut today. It has been long overdue (since before Aubrey was born!) and he looks much, much improved. You can see in this picture taken two days ago how much of a mullet the poor kid has been sporting (sorry I don't have an "after" picture yet):

I also talked with the doctor today, who was very pleased with Aubrey's weight on Tuesday! In addition, Aubrey's bloodwork results came back indicating slightly higher levels of Digoxin than are necessary, so her dosage has been lowered from .5ml/day to .4ml/day. And since one of the negative side effects of this medicine is appetite suppression, this could mean we won't have to be force-feeding quite so much.

Another thing I think may be contributing to Aubrey's frequent disinterest in eating are some gas issues. Last night she cried (screamed
may be a more appropriate word!) for 40 minutes straight, her back
arched and her legs stiff as boards, while I paced the
house with her. This has become more and more of a pattern with her and I've been realizing over the past week that her fussiness is much more than just normal baby stuff. I've been cutting back on dairy products since dairy is the most common cause of such problems, but as of today I've cut it out entirely. I've also switched from using pretty standard run-of-the-mill bottles to these bottles for the "topping off" that still takes place most feedings. Hopefully all this will increase Aubrey's comfortability within the next week or two, though I know that if dairy is indeed the culprit, it can take more like three weeks to rid my body of it entirely.

I find I'm rambling on here more often than not since Aubrey was born. I'm not sure if this is really as much because I'm updating readers about Aubrey-- though I try to convince myself it is-- as it's because I'm too tired to think many coherent thoughts beyond my very immediate situation. To be honest, it's been seven weeks of not being quite sure how to process.

When I was laying in my bed in the middle of the night after Aubrey's birth, I was frustrated because the drugs I'd been given kept making me lose my train of thought. I felt so frightened by the fact that my newborn daughter was miles and miles away from me in very critical condition but I couldn't even pray the way I wanted to. In the midst of that fear, the Lord gently brought to mind the faces of those who I had seen in the waiting room as I was wheeled in and out of surgery, praying and interceding for Aubrey and me; He reminded me that it is in my weakness that His strength is made perfect.

I've recalled that moment often throughout the past several weeks as I fall short and am very, very weak. The house has been pulled together only when others pull it together for me, the children's hair is often disheveled, there have been no apple pies or pumpkin breads issuing from my oven, I cry a lot and I'm afraid even more.

And still He says that His strength is made perfect.

Here. Now. In this muddled, rambling mess.

He made up my lack on the Cross. He makes up my lack everyday. I'm so, so glad to be His.